To trust or not to trust, thats the ?

[jmando]

Hello all, Im new to this forum but have been posting in some others I found on the net so I thought I would seek the opinions of everyone here as well. I basically just want to know what others actually think about second chances after deception and seperation.

 

In a quick word, my GF made plans for over a month to leave of course without my knowing anything. Took off and I later learned she moved half way across the country to what was supposed to be a dream job. Well after being there one week she tells me she made a horrible mistake, she loves me dearly, wasnt thinking, felt all hope was lost and that it seemed like a good idea at the time. Now shes changed her mind.

 

She feels maybe there is some good to come out of all this, they we will finally get off our asses and fix the troubles we had before and make a new life together in the future. Im all for this as she is my sweet angel and I love her with all I have. We are making plans now for her return and trying to get things setup for her. We lived together when she was here but now we're talking about her getting her own place so we can still be with/see each other, be there FOR each other and work together on everything, yet still have some sense of individuality.

 

We said we would look at it like we were "going steady" lol

We did have some troubles but now agree that her measures were a bit extremem and Im left wondering some things. First can you learn to trust someone again really? After they do something so devestating to you dont you think maybe that it would be THEIR job to assure you and EARN your trust again? Of course I have to be receptive of it and I AM but I feel like Im right in thinking that maybe she should really make an effort to regain my trust with actions not just words, and to not just sweep this little tidbit under the carpet when she returns.

 

Also I wanted to know if you feel people really can make changes if they truly love someone and are devoted to the cause. I think they can if they meet this criteria. What does anyone else think? Once a liar always a liar? Or maybe sometimes certain conditions force people who are honest to stray and lie to their loved ones? What cha think?

[InLimbo2]

I don't wanna be the one to rain on your parade - but before you help her move back and set up in a separate place - you'd better make sure she's coming back because she wants you, not that the "supposed to be dream job" turned out to be not such a dream and/or that she's homesick.

 

If she does come back, she should live in her own place and you two should take it SLOW. Yes, trust can be rebuilt, but it is a very long, slow, and painful process.

[jmando]

I hear what you're saying and all I can say in return is I don't feel thats the case just from the way she's talking and the things she says. Of course there is always the possibility that she is just outright lying to me but I feel that for this to work, even in the face of despair, I still have to take her word for the truth. Don't get me wrong I think being homesick is one of her reasons for returning but she tells me she loves me deeply, that she misses her best friend and that she really wants to work things out. She in fact also said that the reason for getting her own place was to avoid jumping right back into the same old thing we had before. It was a great relationship that was plagued by our living arrangements (my mother came to live with me and sadly so did my older sister to take care of her) and also by a less than good communication problem. She's hard headed and I'm always right! LOL Seriously though I appreciate your words and it is something I've thought of but I feel the Lord is helping me through this and together with his help, the strength of our love and our commitment to each other, we can do this. Take anyone of those out of the equation however and we've got trouble!!.