Sugarkane Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 Doesn't make sense to me. Has happened to me more than once. I get dumped out of the blue. The guy says I can't communicate/ I don't talk enough. Yet he NEVER brings this up even once. Hypocrite much? What am I supposed to do? Tell strangers my whole life story on the first date? Yet guys always complain that women talk too much. Yet I get dumped? Then possible at least emotional cheating. I always go NC. They date someone literally 5 minutes later. No closure, no answers. I am very good at NC and never break it. I mean what am I supposed to do? Talk so much that the other person never gets a word in? Tell my whole life story on the first date? I'm sure I'd get dumped for that too. Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 Maybe your people picker is off. What types of guys are you most interested in? Are you going after emotional adults or children just hopping around? The fact that they are dating someone else right away (if you're in relationships with these people that is) seems like you are picking emotional children who have no idea what they want out of life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 I'd agree, it sounds more like the types you're picking rather than you. I too often get this, but the other way round when I feel I open up too much initially, but then again, we're talking, what am I supposed to do, pretend to be a spy and keep everything in the dark (not a bad idea, may try that next time). Try to recognise if there's any connection between these people, where you meet them, where they work, their types of friends, family life etc. Maybe there is a pattern but you're not seeing it, and therefore you have to step away from that type. I've done the "just out of relationship but still talking to ex" type more times than I can think and they all end the same way. In reality though, unless you get these people to fill out a checklist before you hook up, there's really no way to know what someone's like. You're best bet may be to just believe in yourself, that you're worth more, and that it's always their loss, not yours. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 Well if you really want to know the truth I think - after reading your posts for a long time here - that you are just not very bright and they get fed up with it. You always seem confused by people and by what's going on around you and you don't seem to be able to make any sense of it all. I think those guys leave because they can't get through. I'm sorry I know this isn't a nice thing to say but I think this is the reason. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted February 28, 2012 Author Share Posted February 28, 2012 Well if you really want to know the truth I think - after reading your posts for a long time here - that you are just not very bright and they get fed up with it. You always seem confused by people and by what's going on around you and you don't seem to be able to make any sense of it all. I think those guys leave because they can't get through. I'm sorry I know this isn't a nice thing to say but I think this is the reason. Thanks alot for the insult. And what's your IQ? Yeah who wouldn't be completely confused when people just up and leave on you? When people dump you for no reason and wouldn't even give you closure? If you're so perfect what would you do? Link to post Share on other sites
blotter Posted February 28, 2012 Share Posted February 28, 2012 (edited) When I have dumped girls for the can't communicate/don't talk enough, it always come down to the girl being emotionally unavailable. If you are dating genuinely good men who are looking for an emotional connection and you are unable to open up you will get dumped by the good man. 99% of these women have bad upbringings and daddy issues. Just a shot in the dark, any of this sound familiar? It's not so much telling us your life story as it is making an emotional connection. Being able to introspect, identify and share your feelings. Lots of men and women are unable to do this. Edited February 28, 2012 by blotter Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted February 28, 2012 Author Share Posted February 28, 2012 You guys are really full of yourselves. I know in myself that I am a good communicator and I did open myself up- hence why I actually got hurt in the first place. I'm not the person that hilariously dumps people people by text- yet says that everyone else can't communicate. I am really sick to death of people insulting me on here. How would like it if I responded with you aren't that intelligent? That your breakup was all your fault? Can you actually give me anything more than insults? I bet you wouldn't like it if I insulted all of you. You people disgust me, you insult me yet can't answer my question. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted February 28, 2012 Author Share Posted February 28, 2012 You bullies still didn't actually answer my question. May you reap what you all sow. Link to post Share on other sites
Exit Posted February 28, 2012 Share Posted February 28, 2012 I am really sick to death of people insulting me on here. How would like it if I responded with you aren't that intelligent? That your breakup was all your fault? Can you actually give me anything more than insults? I bet you wouldn't like it if I insulted all of you. You people disgust me, you insult me yet can't answer my question. Sorry for the rude replies you received. These forums have really gone downhill lately. There are a few specific people in mind who are ruining these forums for me personally (actually none of them have posted in this thread, though). It appears we lack any sort of forum moderation to keep things "supportive" instead of allowing people to dish out insults. And then there's the gray area considering the topic we are discussing (relationships) and some people feeling that they need to dish out some tough love, and they don't really intend to be cruel. Anyways, I agree with you that it's hypocritical to be told you don't communicate, meanwhile you are getting dumped for something you are being told about for the first time. Clearly the people you date aren't doing any better of a job at communicating their feelings. But I suppose you could try to look at it this way.... here you are saying you've been dumped for this more than once, so now you no longer have the excuse that nobody has told you what you're doing wrong before they're already on their way out the door. Don't wait for the next person to tell you the same thing. Ask yourself if there is any truth to what these people are saying. Have you really just experienced a coincidence where the guys you've dated just happened to make up the same bad excuse for why they are dumping you, or did they all sense the same thing? Sometimes people come into our lives to teach us a lesson. And sometimes we need to be taught the same lesson again and again. Maybe life is trying to get you to realize something so that way by the time the right person comes along, you won't make the same mistake. Link to post Share on other sites
fiat500 Posted February 28, 2012 Share Posted February 28, 2012 Sugarkane, I think you're honestly picking guys to go out with who remind you in some way of your ex. I was guilty of that, hence why I was dumped the same way twice. You have unresolved issues with your ex so you're going to attract/ or be attracted to the same type of guy in hopes of understanding and finding a solution as to why you were dumped in the first place. Also you're probably not ready for a healthy relationship yet until you find some way to be at peace with your last one Link to post Share on other sites
broken-and-lost Posted February 28, 2012 Share Posted February 28, 2012 sugerkane To be honest what ever the reason you just have to think it's not important they don't want to be with you f-them be happy with yourself, god a year and a half later i still don't feel like i've had closure from my ex she said some horrible **** and made me feel like crap broken and lost. I think the real problem is you haven't healed yet so without realising it your giving out a vibe to new partners then they just come up with a wishy washy excuse to dump you. May look at resolving the real issue and focus on getting over the hurt you still have inside, first before you have to find a way to let go of the hurt inside before even thinking about others that way when some chump says they don't want to be with you, you'll be in a better frame of mind to just brush it off Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted February 28, 2012 Share Posted February 28, 2012 I take it you are on the shy/quiet side, and so you may be coming across as hard to get to know, or not having much to say, and not much going on in your life, so that could be a dealbreaker for some guys. As soon as they figure out you're that type, they realize you're not their cup of tea, and they dump you. I know a woman who has the same problem, with guys dumping her because she's too quiet with them. While it's not really possible to change your basic personality type, and you're not going to appeal to the guys who are attracted to outgoing or gregarious women, there is a lot you can do to help your situation. Maybe you need to show more of an interest in the guys by asking them questions about themselves and their views on life. It is possible to learn the art of conversation, and by focusing on getting the men to talk about themselves, it will take some of the pressure off of you to talk. People generally like to talk about themselves, so if you learn the art of getting people to talk, that will be an advantage to you. That's a skill you can learn--how to encourage people to talk about themselves. Also, you should develop/work on a script in your mind of the story of your life that you could feel at ease in sharing with people you first date. Make it interesting, but truthful. Be prepared to talk about yourself, since the whole purpose of dating is getting to know someone. If you are not very forthcoming, then dating is not going to go well for you. Also, it would be helpful if you read up on a variety of topics and are aware of what's going on in the world. Read about current events, the latest hollywood gossip, interesting articles on a variety of topics, etc. It will make you a more interesting person to talk to. If men get the impression you have nothing interesting to say about yourself or life in general, they'll get turned off eventually. You need to come across as an interesting person or a fun person in order to hold someone's attention for any length of time. And I hope you have cultivated some hobbies/interests for yourself so you come off as being an interesting/fun person to know who has a lot of things going for her. You could talk about those hobbies and interests, and I think men would find that interesting. So cultivate those things about yourself, and I think you will have an easier time of communicating with people. They need to be able to get to know you, and need to see something they like, in order for them to want to know you better. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 28, 2012 Share Posted February 28, 2012 When I have dumped girls for the can't communicate/don't talk enough, it always come down to the girl being emotionally unavailable. If you are dating genuinely good men who are looking for an emotional connection and you are unable to open up you will get dumped by the good man. 99% of these women have bad upbringings and daddy issues. Just a shot in the dark, any of this sound familiar? It's not so much telling us your life story as it is making an emotional connection. Being able to introspect, identify and share your feelings. Lots of men and women are unable to do this. When I was young and dating I was always considered rather emotionally unavailable, but is didn't stop guys from wanting to date me. Quite the opposite, it was like a challenge for them. BTW, I have a very close relationship with my Dad and I had a great upbringing. Give OP a break. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 28, 2012 Share Posted February 28, 2012 (edited) Doesn't make sense to me. Has happened to me more than once. I get dumped out of the blue. The guy says I can't communicate/ I don't talk enough. Yet he NEVER brings this up even once. Hypocrite much? What am I supposed to do? Tell strangers my whole life story on the first date? Yet guys always complain that women talk too much. Yet I get dumped? I know it must be very confusing. Men also say they can't stand women that are needy, but if you aren't needy they think something is wrong with you. A woman just can't win! Edited February 28, 2012 by stillafool Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted March 2, 2012 Author Share Posted March 2, 2012 I know it must be very confusing. Men also say they can't stand women that are needy, but if you aren't needy they think something is wrong with you. A woman just can't win! Yes this is EXACTLY what I mean lol. I feel you can't win no matter what you do. Link to post Share on other sites
KS11 Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 Not that it needs to be said, but this is very much the same both ways! If i really liked the woman, they could never be too needy. Unless theyre like this of course.. This Is What Crazy Looks Like Via Text Messaging... by Fletch And Vaughan on SoundCloud - Create, record and share your sounds for free Link to post Share on other sites
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