johan Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 I think there are many individuals who treat marriage great but is clear it is an institution in crisis and something needs to happen. Like what? What is your solution? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
soserious1 Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 What?!?!?!?! No. Definitely not true when over 70% divorces are initiated by mostly women. Who filed papers first unfortunately tells us very little about why the divorce was initiated. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted March 4, 2012 Author Share Posted March 4, 2012 Like what? What is your solution? Make it so that betrayed spouses or those who have done nothing wrong but find themselves in divorce court are protected. There should be equal and fair division of property and child custody and alimony should only be awarded in extreme cases where somebody had to leave because of abuse. Also betrayed spouses should have the legal option of an annulment even if it was a long marriage. You can't force people to be good spouses but you can protect those who are victimized by bad spouses. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 I am not saying that there are not women who file for those reasons but just look at this forum and you will see that many men are blindsided by women who they thought were happy. I wish there was more empathy for men who are a little paranoid about that happening to them. I work with a guy who is engaged and he is scared like hell of this happening to him. I think there are many individuals who treat marriage great but is clear it is an institution in crisis and something needs to happen. I do have empathy for men and women who worry about being cheated on, or left. I'm not immune to those worries. It makes me sick to read about men who have a midlife crisis and cheat, and think that my H could possibly do that to me BUT--my empathy wears thin when a person seeks out this kind of stuff, knowing it gets them very worked up, and causes them to have actual doubts about their good partner. And my empathy also wears thin when people greatly exaggerate the realities, and refuse to acknowledge any research that shows things not to be as extreme as they believe. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 Make it so that betrayed spouses or those who have done nothing wrong but find themselves in divorce court are protected. There should be equal and fair division of property and child custody and alimony should only be awarded in extreme cases where somebody had to leave because of abuse. Also betrayed spouses should have the legal option of an annulment even if it was a long marriage. You can't force people to be good spouses but you can protect those who are victimized by bad spouses. What you are saying makes a lot of sense....for both genders. I had to borrow money to get an attorney because I had no control over the money. I also think you can teach a class in your community about how to be protect one's self. It should be open to both genders but it allows you to even the field a bit if you feel it is uneven. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 what page is that quote on? the forum gives me an error message when i try to click n the arrow in the quote. thanks for your help I said it. I'm not sure whether it was on this thread or on another of Woggle's identical ones where I complained that one of the effects of his repetitive posts was the magnetic appeal to certain fellows and their puppets whom I believe are women haters. They have been scarce lately, but I can't help but think that these two brand-new posters who are so active in this thread all of the sudden are very familiar. Two brand new guys, if you aren't women haters, accept my apologies. I must be misinterpreting you. And I'm certainly not talking about all the guys participating in this thread. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 I can see why you chose your avatar, a picture of a crazy b*tch with her mouth wide open. It suits you. Calm down. No women are going to make you buy them a drink ever again. You can go in peace. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 Make it so that betrayed spouses or those who have done nothing wrong but find themselves in divorce court are protected. There should be equal and fair division of property and child custody and alimony should only be awarded in extreme cases where somebody had to leave because of abuse. Also betrayed spouses should have the legal option of an annulment even if it was a long marriage. You can't force people to be good spouses but you can protect those who are victimized by bad spouses. I never got the impression you were all that concerned about how assets were divided. The title of this thread is about the breakdown of marriage as an institution. "Walk-away" wives is a big theme of yours. Your solution might make things more fair, but a pre-nuptial does, too. So I'm guessing if this fairness was put in place, marriages would fall apart just as much as they do now. It won't stop wives walking away. And it will do nothing to decrease the frequency of your starting threads like this. If that's a concern for you, it's secondary. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted March 4, 2012 Author Share Posted March 4, 2012 I do have empathy for men and women who worry about being cheated on, or left. I'm not immune to those worries. It makes me sick to read about men who have a midlife crisis and cheat, and think that my H could possibly do that to me BUT--my empathy wears thin when a person seeks out this kind of stuff, knowing it gets them very worked up, and causes them to have actual doubts about their good partner. And my empathy also wears thin when people greatly exaggerate the realities, and refuse to acknowledge any research that shows things not to be as extreme as they believe. It makes me sick when I hear about women having a midlife crisis as well. Maybe it is not as common as I might sometimes think but when you read the divorce forum on here you know it is not an isolated incident either. I don't think men should be condemned for being worried about this when deciding whether or not they want to marry. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
soserious1 Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 When most of the women are filing, yes it does. I'd have to look at the study being cited to draw any serious conclusions. I'd also like to see how many of those filings are contested by the husband & how many are non-contested, mutually agreed upon divorces. In my case I filed for the divorce, I did not file to be with another man & had been faithful throughout the duration of the marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 That might be a good idea. When I feel angry I just play Grand Theft Auto which might be immature but it works for me. Which one? They are awesome! I've played 3, 4, Vice City and San Andreas. My fave is Vice City. I had this moronic roommate who once told me: "I just can't relate to the guy in San Andreas, because he's black." I just totally laughed in his face and said: "Really? I can't relate to him because he steals cars and kills people! Funny I can't relate to the other ones either for the same reason." I hope he felt dumb. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 Every single one of the women posting in your thread, and critical of you, is likely here because of having experienced some significant if not catastrophic relationship dysfunction in their own life--whether their fault or not, it doesn't matter, it still happened. And yet they carp. They scapegoat. They demonize. They criticize. Because you are a man, and for no other reason. That's not true, dasein. I mean, Wingnut. JSYK. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 Speak when you're spoken to. I love it when you have steam billowing out of your big red ears. You never look hotter. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted March 4, 2012 Author Share Posted March 4, 2012 I never got the impression you were all that concerned about how assets were divided. The title of this thread is about the breakdown of marriage as an institution. "Walk-away" wives is a big theme of yours. Your solution might make things more fair, but a pre-nuptial does, too. So I'm guessing if this fairness was put in place, marriages would fall apart just as much as they do now. It won't stop wives walking away. And it will do nothing to decrease the frequency of your starting threads like this. If that's a concern for you, it's secondary. If people knew they could not drag their spouse through the fire in court maybe only the good honest people will marry. Sometimes I think the government, courts and lawyers should get out of it entirely. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 And none, ZERO, of the women criticizing you can provide any assurance to your engaged friend that it WON'T "happen to him." Every single one of the women posting in your thread, and critical of you, is likely here because of having experienced some significant if not catastrophic relationship dysfunction in their own life--whether their fault or not, it doesn't matter, it still happened. And yet they carp. They scapegoat. They demonize. They criticize. Because you are a man, and for no other reason. :eek:Wow, you just described Woggle's life at the hands of women. Wasn't his fault but it happened and he like all those women who "criticise":rolleyes: he does it because there are women they are women...imagine that. Huh...wonder what the DSM has to say about that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted March 4, 2012 Author Share Posted March 4, 2012 Which one? They are awesome! I've played 3, 4, Vice City and San Andreas. My fave is Vice City. I had this moronic roommate who once told me: "I just can't relate to the guy in San Andreas, because he's black." I just totally laughed in his face and said: "Really? I can't relate to him because he steals cars and kills people! Funny I can't relate to the other ones either for the same reason." I hope he felt dumb. I play the 4 combo pack with Lost and Damed and Ballad of Gay Tony. Ballad of Gay Tony is awesome. I got my wife into as well and we were both getting hyped up watching the trailer for five. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 Anyway, the institution of marriage has been changing for centuries. It now barely resembles what it was originally intended to provide and represent. Many people are fine being unmarried now. In the not distant past, this was socially unaccepted. Individuals are re-defining marriage with their spouses, if they want to. When you keep harping on the shambles that the institution of marriage is in, people point out that divorce rates are declining. Then somebody else will point out that marriage rates are declining. Is that a bad thing? I don't think so. Marriage is really not for everyone. It's good that it's okay to not marry. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 If people knew they could not drag their spouse through the fire in court maybe only the good honest people will marry. Sometimes I think the government, courts and lawyers should get out of it entirely. Do you honestly think women generally get married because they know they will get most of the assets? You think you'll be hearing a lot of statements like, "I would marry him if I knew there was some profit in it"? How many people self-identify as good, honest people? Pretty much everyone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 ^^^^ I really don't think you need to run interference between Johan and Woggle. They have open lines of communication without your help, brand new guy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 Do you honestly think women generally get married because they know they will get most of the assets? You think you'll be hearing a lot of statements like, "I would marry him if I knew there was some profit in it"? You know how we are all here high-fiving the ladies who take their innocent hardworking and loving husbands to the cleaners. Come on. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 So you're saying you can predict the future? I can predict yours. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 I can predict yours. :lmao::lmao:Good night johan. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
soserious1 Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 How many people self-identify as good, honest people? Pretty much everyone. lol, I don't ! I try to be honest in my dealings but that doesn't equal being a "good" or altruistic person. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 In my situation I actually bring much more to the table regarding real estate,income, etc. But I have never based a R on how much I might squeeze out of a divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted March 4, 2012 Author Share Posted March 4, 2012 Do you honestly think women generally get married because they know they will get most of the assets? You think you'll be hearing a lot of statements like, "I would marry him if I knew there was some profit in it"? How many people self-identify as good, honest people? Pretty much everyone. I don't think that but I think that deep down if a person with narcissistic tendencies knew they had to play fair in the event of a divorce maybe they would not take that chance. I also think we need to stop promoting this idea that things need to thrown away if they are not a 24/7 fairytale. Nothing in life is bumpless. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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