davidm Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 I am almost 50 years old and my wife is 43 years old and we have been married for 14 years, with 2 children, 9 and 14 years old. Over the course of our marriage we have both been unhappy but stayed together for the sake of our children. We have been living in separate parts of the house for almost 4 years now and 3 years without any physical intimacy. We are both cordial to each other for the most part but there is no connection between us at all. We have totally parallel lives. I have been the sole provider for the duration of our marriage with a few periods of employment on her part as she has mostly been a stay at home mom. We both acknowledge that we have a very tough and difficult marriage as there is very little love between us. We both care deeply about our children but I believe we have postponed the inevitable for a very very long time. I am not sure how to start the conversation with her but I am almost totally decided that I want out of this relationship so we can both be free to find fulfilling and loving loving relationships with other people. I am sure that she will probably be shocked and perhaps relieved when I ask her for a divorce. I think we have been heading in this direction for a long time and only to stayed together to spare our children the pain of a broken home. I would go into more detail as to why I am seeking a divorce but at this point it doesnt matter to me who was more at fault myself or her. I certainly acknowledge my mistakes and take full responsibility for my portion of the outcome we are both dealing with, but I fear that deep resentments and bad feelings are starting to spill over to the children and that I cannot allow to happen. Essentially my question to all of you is a request for your wisdom in approaching this conversation as it could go in a number of ways once it has started. My intent is for a peaceful, equitable arrangement for both of us that causes the least amount of expense and burden to each of us. There is no point in dragging up any bad feelings at this point. It is time to move on. Thanks for listening.. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 You're 'oldsters' so you can do it. Just sit down alone when the children are gone from the house and discuss your feelings honestly. Our version was me asking my now exW for what I needed at the time, that being emotional support. She said, calmly 'I can't give you that'. I then said, 'Well, in that case, I think we should divorce'. She said 'I agree'. We then discussed logistics and agreed upon a course of action. Bla, bla. We ended up using mediation, which worked great. Good luck and my sympathies. Link to post Share on other sites
Author davidm Posted March 3, 2012 Author Share Posted March 3, 2012 Thanks for the honest reply. We are actually trying to give it more time to make it better. We are trying "Marriage Fitness". I hope it works:) Link to post Share on other sites
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