Arizonaheart Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 Wow - where to start... As a prelude I will mention I am a woman in my early 40s, divorced for over a decade with just a couple "serious" relationships in that time frame. It was an abusive marriage so I made a point of rebuilding myself prior to dating. A bit over a year ago I began dating a man I met through my office (client). We knew each other for a year prior to dating. At the time we began dating, his baby mama lived with him (although no longer as a couple) as she was digging her heels from moving out of the comfort of the financial security he provided for her, their 6 yr old son in addition to her two children from her previous marriage (they were never married but together for 7 yrs). Needless to say eventually she did move out. Even during our friendship he often shared with me that he felt she was using him, she was vidictive with severe mood swings. Seven months ago I received a phone call from this woman (she had gotten my phone # from his phone back when she lived at his house). She stated that she was six weeks pregnant with his child. I am certain you can only imagine how taken back I was. When she told her 11 & 12 yr old daughters of her pregnancy, they were also told the baby was his. Needless to say I approached him with this information. He, as I somewhat expected, completely denied any intimacy with her since the start of our relationship however he did admit that they had maintained a friendship for the sake of the children. Still having my doubts, he willingly provided me access to his phone logs and emails. It was confirmed that he spent a great deal of time with her on the phone, a bit more than I can be comfortable with. He swore though on his son's life that was all there was to their relationship. As a side note, I had lost my daughter to cancer just a few months previous so I do not take that comment lightly. With that statement I choose to believe him although still had my doubts in the back of my mind. Not much more had been mentioned between the two of us about her supposed pregnancy despite the fact that he of course needs to have contact with her due to the children nor have I heard any more from her. I will also mention that he still continues to financially assist & takes her 2 other children for visitation 6-7 nights out of 14. When he does not have his children, we are together. She is aware that we are still a couple. Several times since then she had asked him if he dumped me yet, calling me racial slurs, cuss words etc (oh we never met btw) Her warning was made clear that her 2 older children are not allowed to be near me. Over the past several months she will randomly deny him visits with them. On Christmas Day she even refused to allow their son to be with him for the day as they had verbally agreed. Since then documentation has been put into place to avoid a repeat of that fiasco. He feels he HAS to be nice to her just so she doesn't pull this kind of crap. Now to current day...I heard through the grapevine that she indeed gave birth to a baby a couple days ago. Once again, those questions & doubts cloud my mind and heart. On one hand I cannot see him denying a child that is biologically his, I mean c'mon, he is taking care of children that are not even biologically his but on the other hand I can't seem to shake this doubt. He has withheld information from me before that I eventually discovered. I also can't help but wonder why when I had asked him if she appeared to be pregnant, he stated no. I went as far as to speak with his mom as I am fairly close to her. She couldn't assure me that it wouldn't be his but did verify that his ex is a vindictive lunatic. I did again speak to him, he did once again swear it could not possibly be his. If you were in my situation, what would you do? I have been cheated on in 2 of my 3 other serious relationships so now I tend to have knee jerk/bolt n run reactions. Truly, I don't know what to think, what to do. Sigh... Link to post Share on other sites
Tuzie13 Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 Demand him to get a paternity test. Take it from there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Arizonaheart Posted April 10, 2012 Author Share Posted April 10, 2012 Good enough for Maury Wish I knew why I try so hard to find the "good" in people/men... Did demand a paternity test and just discovered today he is baby daddy. I am biting my tongue at this point. Debating whether to hold out for vengeance before I reveal my discovery & collect some monies owed to me from a recent vacation we just took. I fronted some of the money which he repaid most of it but still owes about $200. Adding insult to injury- the baby was conceived the same month I lost my daughter to Leukemia. Two weeks after the baby was born we took a 10 day vacation together (again he swore there was no way the baby was his). My 15 year old daughter will be devasted as she absolutely adores this loser. It is an awful lot within a years time to swallow. Time to reprogram my magnet I suppose GOD why did I believe him? Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted April 10, 2012 Share Posted April 10, 2012 Sorry you are hurting. Lesson learned--don't date a man who is living with an "ex" or supporting another woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted April 10, 2012 Share Posted April 10, 2012 Good enough for Maury Wish I knew why I try so hard to find the "good" in people/men... Did demand a paternity test and just discovered today he is baby daddy. I am biting my tongue at this point. Debating whether to hold out for vengeance before I reveal my discovery & collect some monies owed to me from a recent vacation we just took. I fronted some of the money which he repaid most of it but still owes about $200. Adding insult to injury- the baby was conceived the same month I lost my daughter to Leukemia. Two weeks after the baby was born we took a 10 day vacation together (again he swore there was no way the baby was his). My 15 year old daughter will be devasted as she absolutely adores this loser. It is an awful lot within a years time to swallow. Time to reprogram my magnet I suppose GOD why did I believe him? forget about the $200. If he knows youre leaving him he probably wont give it to you. Since he already knows he will have to give money to this woman for this new child, it will probably go to her anyway, so theres no way youre getting it. Just walk away, dont even say anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted April 13, 2012 Share Posted April 13, 2012 Good enough for Maury Wish I knew why I try so hard to find the "good" in people/men... Did demand a paternity test and just discovered today he is baby daddy. I am biting my tongue at this point. Debating whether to hold out for vengeance before I reveal my discovery & collect some monies owed to me from a recent vacation we just took. I fronted some of the money which he repaid most of it but still owes about $200. Adding insult to injury- the baby was conceived the same month I lost my daughter to Leukemia. Two weeks after the baby was born we took a 10 day vacation together (again he swore there was no way the baby was his). My 15 year old daughter will be devasted as she absolutely adores this loser. It is an awful lot within a years time to swallow. Time to reprogram my magnet I suppose GOD why did I believe him? If you haven't already, you need to tell your daughter about it and that includes 'swear on baby's life'. I advocate to do this not to be vindictive, i'm simply worried about the fact that our parents tend to be rolemodels of our future relationships and this guy is idolized by her. Link to post Share on other sites
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