Had sex with for the first time with an old high school friend

[It happens]

I posted this in another section before but this my have been a more appropriate place. Just curious about any one's thoughts. Sorry this is long but give it a read and tell me what you think. Thank you.

 

A friend of mine whom I've known since high school (we're both in our 40s and divorced) have a friendly relationship and go out together occasionally (less than once a month) for drinks and/or dinner. Our interaction between these outings is very sporadic, maybe a text or email once in a great while.

 

When we were in high school, we went out on a few dates but nothing ever developed. After graduation we lost touch for a long time (she moved away) but after her divorce she moved back and so for about 5 or 6 years now we've had this loose friendship. Nothing romantic has ever happened during these last 5 or 6 years.

 

I should also mention that she's someone whose defenses are always up; she not one I would ever say is a romantic and she can be very sarcastic and at times, confrontational. Not confrontational with me, but in general. She does date on occasion but I can see from what she tells me she is never impressed with the guys she meets.

 

Last weekend we were out for drinks and started talking about old friends and high school (we'd had a couple tequila shots and working on our second beers so our tongues were loose) and she asked me why I've never wanted to have sex with her. I said I'd never thought that was anything she'd wanted and besides that we're friends. She said oh, she was glad to hear that because she was thinking I didn't find her attractive. No, I said, that's not the reason at all.

 

So then she leans over and gives me a hard, full mouth kiss. It surprised me, but I kissed back and then pulled away really just because we were in this crowded bar and I felt strange with such a passionate kiss while crammed between all the other bar patrons. She leaned back with the biggest smile on her face I've ever seen her have. Then she kissed me again, several times. I asked her if she was ready to leave, and she said it was up to me. I said well, maybe we do have some unfinished business to attend to.

 

When we got back to her place, I could see she was far too drunk to be making any rational decisions and I was afraid she was going to get sick. Which she then proceeded to do. I took care of her (she could hardly stand or walk at this point), cleaned her up, took off her clothes and got her into bed. She asked me not to leave and I said I wasn't going to; I was too worried about her and would stay until I was sure she wouldn't get sick again. I got down to my boxers and t-shirt and climbed in with her (it was king size bed so plenty of room between us) and we both went to sleep.

 

At about 4:00am, I got up to go to the bathroom and when I got back she was awake. I climbed back in and she moved over and laid against me, arm across my chest and started stroking it. You know what happened after that. It was great, exciting and we went at it for well over two hours. But then finally as the sun was coming up she had a family thing she had to get ready for and I had to be going, too. We hugged goodbye and I left.

 

I should mention that she was completely affectionate, passionate and a very attentive lover. Things I would not really have expected from her.

 

On Tuesday I sent her an email asking if we should get together to talk, I didn't want anything weird between us. She wrote back saying "what are you babbling about...we finished what we started a very long time ago and now we go back to being friends." She also thanked me for taking such good care of her. I wrote back saying I was glad to hear that and that she was welcome. We've not talked since.

 

So, with all that, I'm still left wondering about it. Not that I'm assigning more meaning to the sex than what it was, but I'm wondering will she want to have another night like that? It was amazing and I could tell from her reactions that night she thought so too. Anyone else with an experience like that? Is it like bottling lightening...? I've no problem continuing our friendship and want to but it sure would be nice if this added element were thrown into the mix sometimes. I felt she really opened up and I was a bit dismayed at her response to my email, seeing that she was back to her caustic self. I'd like to think it meant a little something to her.

 

Any input? I got some good advice earlier but wondered about anyone else's perspective. Thank you.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Do you even know what you want to happen?

 

Casual sex or would you want to date her?

 

You really need to figure that out.

[carhill]

Any input?

 

It was a situational alcohol thing. Attach nothing to it. Considering the totality of her personality and response afterward, I'd caution against investing in her anyway, even as a friend.

[2sunny]

It was a situational alcohol thing. Attach nothing to it. Considering the totality of her personality and response afterward, I'd caution against investing in her anyway, even as a friend.

 

This...

 

And remember - someone who uses sarcasm to communicate is rooted with anger...never a good thing for communication.

[It happens]

Eternal - The day after all this happened, I'll admit to being confused and wondering what I wanted to happen next. With advice I've been given (thanks 2sunny) and my own thinking things through, I've decided it was probably a one-time thing and I'm ok with that. No dating, no sex, but I do want our friendship to continue and I believe it will.

 

carhill - I agree with you to a point about it being situational...certainly at the bar the alcohol loosened her up but as we all know being kinda drunk doesn't make you do or say things you haven't thought about. Regardless, she wasn't drunk by the time the sex actually happened. I can't give you every aspect of her personality in a short narrative, but she is not always abrasive and rarely so with me. She has issues as we all do and I accept her for who she is, which is generally a sweet person.

 

2sunny - Yes, I'd say she definitely has some anger but fortunately it's not directed at me I think she does have trouble expressing feelings and hides those feelings with sarcasm sometimes. Also, after thinking about it I believe part of what was going on was just her own horny-ness. She told me at one point it had been 3 years since she'd had sex so I think I was safe, available and, as I said above, it's not like she hadn't thought about it before. Be that as it may, I've still not contacted her nor her me and I'm just letting it go. When/if she wants to go do something as friends, she'll let me know.

 

Thank you, all.

Edited February 27, 2012 by It happens