Concerns About New Relationship..

[DontWorryBHappy]

This is a little long I think. Wouldn't blame you if you don't read it all but I'm a little lost.

 

My boyfriend and I have only known each other for approximately a month so far. We met on an online dating site, and decided to make things official within probably a week of knowing each other. During the second week we were lying in bed and he suddenly said, "What if we went three years together, then I popped the question... Would you say yes?". I didn't know how to respond to talk of marriage so soon so I said something like, "I don't know how I'll feel in a few years but I like the relationship as it's going so far." Then since that point he would often say little things like, "We should have a heated pool" for example and making various references to the future when we are married, like how many full days a week he'll spend with me when he's off work, etc. Half the time I was actually flattered and thought maybe it was romantic and nice that he seemed so sure about me, and the other half of the time I would freak out a bit and tell him, "don't talk about marriage or living together or future plans... I've known you for a month." He's told me that he loves me and he will "always love me no matter what."

 

Then we started having a couple issues. There was one instance where I was upset about something, and I overreacted a little bit to something that I misunderstood him saying. Then the next day he brought me to his house, and I said I thought we should talk about what happened, so we can understand each other. He seemed frustrated though, and said that he had brought me over to his house to spend time with me, not to have discussions. He said he didn't understand why we had to spend time talking about an issue, and that it wasn't a big deal. This hurt at the time, but later on he apologized and said he realized it is important to have discussions sometimes. So I was fine with that.... But then we had another issue, because I was feeling upset about having to move back to my mom's house, and he responded by trying to give me suggestions on how to move out. I was just venting and wasn't receptive to suggestions at the time, but failed to communicate that to him (which was my fault). So later on I tried telling him that sometimes I don't want a suggestion when I'm sad about something, maybe just a hug. Because when he's giving all the suggestions it feels more like he's talking "at me" rather than "with me". But, he said that would be hard for him to change about himself, and that usually I reject his suggestions....

 

So that day we talked it over and tried working it out, but I sent him a text the following day telling him a few things about the previous day that I wanted to get off my chest (this was probably a mistake). That made him super paranoid... I had told him that instead of giving me suggestions for a period of time, he could just hold me and tell me that everything would be alright, but he took that as me telling him that he didn't have to care. I was hoping he would come around and try to figure out with me how we could understand each other better, but instead he acted a bit frustrated and just said he wouldn't say anything anymore if I have problems, and that he would let me deal with them on my own. I told him I would like us to work on it but he had a hard time coming around to that and kept saying that he'll probably make things worse if he every tries to help. In any case, we talked it through and worked it out I thought. But things still felt awkward after that, and later in the day he texted me telling me to call him after 9pm if I wanted to talk. I read the text and started thinking about the situation.

 

At maybe 10pm I texted him to see what he was up to, but he was frustrated that I didn't call him at around 9, because he says he expected me to and had waited for me to call.... He said I should have sent him a text to let him know I got the message. But I disagreed, telling him that I didn't think I absolutely had to respond to that type of message. I mean, it was a message that basically was telling me to talk to him later. But anyway, I ended up calling him and we talked. He started saying that he didn't understand why we were still talking about the issue, that it was "getting out of hand". I thought we basically worked it out, and I wanted to move on. But the next day he said things felt awkward between us, which they did sort of. And he said he was afraid I was going to end things.

 

Today I tried expressing my concerns about these things. I told him that I feel like I'm a female who is prone to little meltdowns at times, and I need someone who can deal with that and not be overly affected by it, or else we'll probably fall apart. He said he thought he could handle that. But I guess he felt like I was saying he isn't manly enough or something, because a few minutes later he randomly texted me some stuff about how he's "taking charge." And I thought he meant taking charge over me, but he said he just meant "manning up" and he told me I'm making this hard, lol.... Another misunderstanding.

 

I'm confused.... I did say I loved him, but now I'm not sure, and I think maybe I said it too soon. I don't know if this is just misunderstandings from a new relationship and if it will smooth over in time..... I just feel very unsure right now about whether some of this stuff is incompatibility or if it's just a few rough bumps at the start.

Edited February 26, 2012 by DontWorryBHappy