*sigh* Just discovered Im the "other girl"

[robinatrix]

Hi =) Long time lurker, first time poster

Anyways, so I met this guy a couple of weeks ago online on a dating site and we seemed to hit it off pretty well. So we met up after hours of conversations online and I kind of did develop some feelings for him. My parents are super strict so they don't know about him, seeing as they don't want me to date until I've finished High School (one more year to go). Anyways as a result this is the first person of the opposite gender I know who I've seriously considered as a romantic interest and been consequently, uh, intimate with.

However after meeting up several times he starts dropping hints about being FWB and 'are you sure you won't fall in love with me?'. He then talks about other girls he's met online, none of which he's gotten along with as well as me (so he says) and we kind of talk in that dating vein for a bit. I ignore this seeing as heck, I have no idea what is acceptable or not, and he's told me he's 'single' (also his status on Facebook).

Fast forward a few weeks and I see this post on his Facebook page by some other girl saying something like (I can't remember exactly) "stay strong hun, 11 months today xxx no one else has lasted this long..i love you"

So instead of confronting him about it, seeing as we're not really "together" as such, I do a little investigating. What I discover is that

1. This girl has been "with" him for 11 months; as I mentioned above

2. She posts on his wall a LOT more than he does, with the occasional <3 or 'I love you', which I note is not reciprocated

3. There is this one post on his wall where she's complaining 'the reason why no girl stays with you long is cause you're always adding new girls, getting to know them instead of spending time with her..." etc.

4. Her status is single as well, despite her acting like his Goddamned girlfriend

5. He's obviously been lying to her as well, seeing as he told me his longest lasting ex was 2 years...not 11 months.

 

So as you can tell I've been feeling a little conflicted =[ I'd never REALLY considered him as my BF, mainly cause my parents would kill me, we're 4 years apart in age, and the fact he's still WAY active on the online dating front.

However I don't know whether I pity this other girl, or loathe her. I mean we get along WAY better than he/she do, as far as I can tell, though I've only known him for a couple of weeks, not almost a year as she has. Though as far as I can gather her constant wall spam irritates him, seeing as he never replies and hardly ever shows her any attention.

Sure, I'm jealous, but I'm also furious at myself, I let this man trample all over me and lie to me and then learn later he's doing the same thing to this other chick who probably feels just as awful or even more so.

I don't think I'd tell her though isn't that a horrible thing to know about someone else...your boyfriend of 11 months has slept with God knows how many other girls, and multiple times?

 

So today I log into Facebook and see she's changed her avatar to one of her and him together, I have no idea why. And I get pretty pissed off at that, though in retrospect that's really just cause I'm jealous she's got him XD

 

Then I say hi to this other guy whom I met online, ask if he wants to meet up so we do and I don't know how to say this but it just feels wrong and awkward and stilted and ugh. I got along SO WELL with this first guy (let's call him R) and genuinely think he considered me a friend too...though I guess if he only wanted me for the other thing he's a dead end.

Dont get me wrong...I'm not just writing people off immediately if they don't want to get committed, I'm just really angry at him.

 

So anyways, the other guy whom I met sends me an email "I think our date went really well, so I'm asking you, do you want to be my GF?"..yeah I know, what perfect timing. Right question and wrong guy =.=

So I haven't replied yet, I have no idea what to say or how to politely decline but a part of me is screaming "YOU IDIOT!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?? ISN'T HE GOOD ENOUGH??"

I can't help but wonder if my parents are right, if I should wait until uni to start dating...but I feel so alone now when I previously never did. =[

What the flying f*ck is wrong with me?! I'm rejecting a perfectly good guy for someone who I will obviously never be with. And I feel so freaking alone.

Anyways this turned out to be way longer and ranty-er than I expected, I hope you don't write me off as a total moron.

Thankyou for reading if you even got this far! any ideas or suggestions on what I should do?

 

Oh yeah, and R has sent me about 2 emails so far, seeing as I haven't talked to him in almost a week when we used to chat daily asking where I've been, seems to be making it harder, though I don't think we should stay in contact to be honest. Too dangerous =[

[Ms. Red]

Thankyou for reading if you even got this far! any ideas or suggestions on what I should do?

 

Yes.

 

though I don't think we should stay in contact to be honest. Too dangerous =[

 

This. ^^

[miss d]

Listen to your gut feeling, Robin. R is playing around, with his "girlfriend", with you, with anyone who will play. It sounds like you are 16/17, which means you have a whole lot of growing up to do yourself. Don't try to get settled down into a serious relationship. I think that is what your parents are saying. Sometimes, people get so head over heels when they're so young, they let this "perfect guy" derail all their long range plans, like going to college, etc. You want to be with him because you felt chemistry. But knowing he's not being honest with you should make you think twice about any involvement with him.

 

About the other guy you went on a date with, listen to your gut feeling there too. He may be a very nice guy, but when it's not right, it's not right. That's ok too. There's a lot of wonderful people out there, that you will meet when the time is right. So don't rush into being in a relationship with the wrong guy just to be in a relationship.

[Lauriebell82]

This guy "R" sounds like he is a bit of a player..probably not someone you want to get involved with, especially your first "real" boyfriend.

 

This other guy sounds nice (and much better than R) however, if you don't like him then it's not fair to lead him on or force yourself to like him. You are young, you have plenty of time to date and find a good guy. You don't have to settle for a-holes or guys you aren't into.

[robinatrix]

Thanks for the replies everyone.

I haven't contacted "R" since for like a week now..he's sent a couple more emails but I haven't read them yet XD

Also a follow-up on the other guy...I told him I didn't really need a relationship right now, it was kind of awkward but probably the right thing to do, I'dve only compared him to R

I can't complain though, kind of feels good not to have to keep hiding this 'secret life' from my parents. And I guess it isn't such a long wait til uni anyways

[kareena]

My main concern is the age difference, it sounds like you are 16/17 and you mentioned that this R guy was four years older than you are which would make him 20/21.

 

I know four years might not seem like a whole lot of age difference but when you are that young it is better to be around boys your age,think about it this way do you really want to be with an adult who would hunt down a minor girl online and engage in sexual relations with her? please just think about it thoroughly,you seem young and trusting and eager to find love but choose more wisely and try to stay within your age group because older men when you are a teenager aren't the best option out there.

 

I would also like to add that maybe you should talk to your parents about the whole dating situation, you'd be surprised what some reasoning could do.

It is better for your own safety to keep the communication channel open with your parents, not everyone you meet is trustworthy whether online or in the offline world.Some people present themselves as the nicest sweetest person you could ever meet but are in fact sex offenders and even worse. Please don't be an easy target for sick men out there lurking around for young girls.