Steve1122 Posted February 26, 2012 Share Posted February 26, 2012 Hi, A year ago I (38 years old) met this girl (28 years old), she was in a relation with problems, we had an affair for few months; after that we didn't see each other till lately when she did broke up with her bf, but nothing happened, she didn't want any romance because she is confused and wants to put her thoughts together (that's what she said); and i must confess that she repeated it for several times "we can only be just friends for now, i can't be intimate, not with you and not with anyone else", but I was very clear to her that I want more, that I like her a lot and i have feelings for her; and she knew this, but kept repeating "we are just friends for now, we'll see what will happen". So we kept on seeing each other very frequently, talking on the phone or chating on the internet on daily basis. Last night we went to a pub, while there was a band performing; our table was the 1st one in front of the stage; since the first 10 minutes i noticed that the guitar guy was looking at her and smiling, and i also noticed she's doing the same; they continued doing this all night...i was furious...but i didn't react....and when the concert finished, the band members were on the bar having drinks, she continued to sneak some looks toward him...after that while on the way out, she looked at him and smiled again and knocked her head....when we got out i was very angry, i told her about all what i feel, at the beginning she was like "what did i do that bad?" or "don't act like we are a couple, because we are not...we just went out as friends"...but after i explained to her even if we are "friends" as she's saying, and because she knows my feelings for her, it wasn't right, fair or sensible to do this in my presence....she admitted then that she made a mistake, that she shouldn't do this, and she said that she is sorry, and hopes that i can forget this issue. Now, this issue is eating me apart, i dunno why...or maybe i do, because i have those strong feelings for her... I am seeking an advice regarding: should i continue to see her or contact her; or should i just erase her number, delete her from my facebook page...etc and disappear?should i get over what happened last night? or is it a sign that she can't see me as a man next to her? Am i exaggerating? i dunno....but I don't wanna get hurt anymore and I really need and appreciate an objective advice. Thanks in advance. Steven Link to post Share on other sites
HHC Posted February 26, 2012 Share Posted February 26, 2012 If I were in your shoes I would stop all contact with her. Life is too short and she's young Link to post Share on other sites
Author Steve1122 Posted February 26, 2012 Author Share Posted February 26, 2012 Thank you for your reply...so from your point of view it is a helpless case? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Steve1122 Posted February 26, 2012 Author Share Posted February 26, 2012 If I were in your shoes I would stop all contact with her. Life is too short and she's young Thank you for your reply...so from your point of view it is a helpless case? Link to post Share on other sites
bikinibeach Posted February 26, 2012 Share Posted February 26, 2012 its obvious she's stringing you along for attention and security until she finds someone she DOES want to be with. You should I deed cut off all contact...girls like this don't want to lose the attention though, and they tend to want what they can't have so she'll probably try to beg you back....so she can string you along some more. Must make her feel pretty powerful! Oh and I bet you paid that night when she was flirting with the band, didn't you??? Quit being a chump and ditch her- quick. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted February 26, 2012 Share Posted February 26, 2012 Hmm..girl is willing to cheat on partner with you for two months. She then tells you she wants to be friends and you agree to be friends. Then you demand she act like she's in a relationship with you. See anything off in the above consolidation of opening post? You both own some responsibility in this charade. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 Bikini hit it on the head. You've been friendzoned, she's been pretty honest about this. You're her emotional feed until "the guy" comes along. Then you'll get tossed into the gutter, bleeding, and emotionally ruined. Why, because you allow it. You have this false sense that she'll realize you are the one for her. Guess what, she'll never come to that conclusion. Walk away, end it. Tell her you cannot be her friend, be her emotional crutch, and tolerate the disrespect she shows you. Then be done with it. Listen, it may just set off the light switch in her head that you are "the one", and she'll come crawling back. If she doesn't, then you know to stop wasting your time with her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HHC Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 Thank you for your reply...so from your point of view it is a helpless case? She's made it clear she wants nothing and you're not listening 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 should i continue to see her or contact her; or should i just erase her number, delete her from my facebook page...etc and disappear?should i get over what happened last night? or is it a sign that she can't see me as a man next to her? Am i exaggerating? i dunno....but I don't wanna get hurt anymore and I really need and appreciate an objective advice. Steve... stop pursuing her. Stop telling her about your feelings... I bet it makes her want to give you a tampon. Ok... so here is what I would do. First I would limit the amount of attention I give her. I would focus that attention almost exclusively on her physical appearance and sex. I would be very clear that I am dating other women. Flirt in front of her a bit. I would also set to work building any kind of chemistry possible with her. I'd give that strategy about 1 month... then I would move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 Personally, I'd go NC on her ass. It's obvious from what the other posters have said (and I agree) she's stringing you along and having you for emotional support and for an ego stroke, but as soon as she finds someone she THINKS is better than you, she's gonna leave you high and dry. I can pretty much assume that if that guitar player would have gotten her alone, she would have ditched your ass there without even a goodbye. Then they phonecall later, "But, we're not together! We just went out as FRIENDS! I didn't think that it would hurt you so much because we're just FRIENDS!" and it wouldn't surprise me if she went back to that club without you there to try and get the guys digits already... She isn't worth your time. I know that's not what you want to here. BUT! on a positive note, there's more women than there are men in the world! Go NC and heal from this. Then, find a girl that wants to be around you because there's no other place she'd rather be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts