2sunny Posted March 14, 2012 Share Posted March 14, 2012 Best you can figure is - she's not spending time and energy including YOU in her life, her trip and her texts... THAT tells you everything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted March 14, 2012 Author Share Posted March 14, 2012 Ok guys i couldnt help it last night. I felt that its a waste of time so I decided to try and talk to her. I asked her to take a walk and we spoke. At first we held hands till we satrted getting inot things. anyway, the truth came out that she is seeing a guy from her job who is 27... she says she went for a younger guy cause there are no strings and that he is living with someone anyway. that just killed me. i mean what did you turn from a good wife and mother to a women who looks for booty calls! Help me out here guys! My heart is about to explode out of my chest! I cant beliecve this is happening. what should I do? file for divorce...I dont have the first clue on how! Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted March 14, 2012 Share Posted March 14, 2012 Ok guys i couldnt help it last night. I felt that its a waste of time so I decided to try and talk to her. I asked her to take a walk and we spoke. At first we held hands till we satrted getting inot things. anyway, the truth came out that she is seeing a guy from her job who is 27... she says she went for a younger guy cause there are no strings and that he is living with someone anyway. that just killed me. i mean what did you turn from a good wife and mother to a women who looks for booty calls! Help me out here guys! My heart is about to explode out of my chest! I cant beliecve this is happening. what should I do? file for divorce...I dont have the first clue on how! Yes, file for divorce. Your stbx is cruel and doesn't care about your feelings or your love for her. She might as well have walked you into an alley and shot you. You want to be with someone like that? 'Course not. Take back your life and your dignity. Link to post Share on other sites
Steadfast Posted March 14, 2012 Share Posted March 14, 2012 You have over 200 posts of advice here. How much more is needed? I do realize it isn't easy. Lots of us do. Your wife has lost her moral compass. The local court can help. Most have a list of paralegals (not attorneys) who can help you fill out the paperwork and file for much less than a lawyer. Draw up a settlement, have it delivered to your wife, come to an agreement then sign it. Unless you have tons of property and money, it's all you need. While your actions didn't help the marriage, the cheating is all on her. Unless you cheated first. Did you? Even a revenge affair is a poor excuse, but it is far more understandable as far as her actions are concerned. IMO. The wheels have come off. Time to gather together what's left and build a healthy life/lifestyle that's geared towards accomplishment. Start now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted March 14, 2012 Author Share Posted March 14, 2012 no I didnt cheat on her just did stupid ****. she said she didnt do anything till after we were seperated but its not a legal seperation. Anyway, I am going to the court today. I was told to move back in the house and I did friday. should i get out of here now or stay. Its only destroying me to be here. But I do want to be with my kids! Any way I can help build my confidence back up? You guys know what i mean! This totally destroys your ego and makes me feel like less of a man! Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 14, 2012 Share Posted March 14, 2012 You already knew she was paying attention to that guy... All your signs were there. We knew it! Yes, file for D. Yes, stay in the house. Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted March 14, 2012 Share Posted March 14, 2012 (edited) HSB..I feel for you man, and I know it hurts, but you need to stay strong and stay away from the drinking. I know you havn't said anything yet, but I'm sure the desire is there. Edited March 14, 2012 by standtall Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted March 14, 2012 Author Share Posted March 14, 2012 Went to the court and got the paperwork...man what a load of ****! tons of papers for ny divorce! I dont know where to begin. Cant think straight! hands are shaking. I feel like such a pussy! This is the third time in my life I had my heart broken! Cant understand why this keeps happening too me! Make you feel inadequate...I will be ok but I thought with over a month under my belt it would be easier, its NOT! Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 14, 2012 Share Posted March 14, 2012 Start with page 1. Just keep filling out each page - only think of that one page you are filling out. It can be overwhelming - but not as much if you don't look at it all. One page at a time... Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted March 14, 2012 Author Share Posted March 14, 2012 Cant think straight! hands are shaking. I feel like such a pussy! This is the third time in my life I had my heart broken! Cant understand why this keeps happening too me! It`s called booze . Can make even make a passive person say or do things they wouldn`t normally do. What are you doing? Dude slow down a bit, THINK. What do you really want?? Do you really want a divorce??? not really and from what I am seeing its cheaper to keep em! I am just so furious with her and ashamed at how she is acting and what she is doing! Maybe she is going threw her changes. She just turned 40 and her mother went threw them early as well. Not that its an excuse but maybe a reason...I have the paperwork for divorce but it Doesnt mean I have to rush it though. However, I do think I am going to leave. I cant stand the site of her right now and personally I think I may crack again if I stay. I already spoke to a family lawyer and he said there are no issues with abandonment its all dollars and cents... I dont know, I know you guys say stay but why put myself threw more **** if she goes out? Less i see less i care and maybe at the same time i can get on with my life and possibly meet someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted March 14, 2012 Author Share Posted March 14, 2012 by the way still not drinking and no urge too. Like I said, I want to be a better man! Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 14, 2012 Share Posted March 14, 2012 How many pages have you completed today? Stop thinking about her - and start focusing on what you CAN do today! You CAN fill out papers. How many are completed? Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 HSB - Coopster asked you a question that I myself asked today catching up to your thread...you see, the question is WHAT DO YOU WANT?? You ARE my ExH HSB actually....I've spent a couple of days reading your thread and my exH was just like you. I can tell you why your wife is doing what she is doing now...and you can file that divorce and force her hand to "change" things...or you can understand the exact thing I should have done but didn't do; but wish I had now. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 Hi trippi! Been missing you! Glad to see you here. Xo Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 Hi 2Sunny.....you've been busy I see. Glad to be on this thread, I pick them carefully these days. xx 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 HSB, Before you go down this road completely.... Why did she tell you? Did she tell you out of shame or remorse? Or out of ending it? It seems that a lot of your previous actions could have easily left her alone and feeling unattractive etc. Yes what she did was COMPLETELY WRONG. it also seems to be the work of a woman on the edge of desperation. You yourself have done some dealbreaking nightmarish things. Is she seeking your forgiveness? Or is she being very heartless about it? I've been on the same end as you of this equation and yes the grief is immeasurable (2 to 5 years to heal.) But you CAN heal. I have come to believe that affairs have little to do with how much love someone had for their spouse to begin with and more about their own personal tolerance and limits. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted March 15, 2012 Author Share Posted March 15, 2012 HSB - Coopster asked you a question that I myself asked today catching up to your thread...you see, the question is WHAT DO YOU WANT?? You ARE my ExH HSB actually....I've spent a couple of days reading your thread and my exH was just like you. I can tell you why your wife is doing what she is doing now...and you can file that divorce and force her hand to "change" things...or you can understand the exact thing I should have done but didn't do; but wish I had now. I don't exactly know whar u mean...u can tell me y she is doing what she is doing? Tell Mr why.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted March 15, 2012 Author Share Posted March 15, 2012 I fell asleep last night with thedivorce papers next to me. I was reading what needed to be done and fell asleep. They were gone this morning. She must have taken them. Gotta look for them when.i get home from work. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted March 15, 2012 Author Share Posted March 15, 2012 HSB, Before you go down this road completely.... Why did she tell you? Did she tell you out of shame or remorse? Or out of ending it? It seems that a lot of your previous actions could have easily left her alone and feeling unattractive etc. Yes what she did was COMPLETELY WRONG. it also seems to be the work of a woman on the edge of desperation. You yourself have done some dealbreaking nightmarish things. Is she seeking your forgiveness? Or is she being very heartless about it? I've been on the same end as you of this equation and yes the grief is immeasurable (2 to 5 years to heal.) But you CAN heal. I have come to believe that affairs have little to do with how much love someone had for their spouse to begin with and more about their own personal tolerance and limits. I asked her and she told me nothing happened while.we.were together but did after we seperated she shows no remorse and acts cold about the entire thing. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 I don't exactly know whar u mean...u can tell me y she is doing what she is doing? Tell Mr why.. I fell asleep last night with thedivorce papers next to me. I was reading what needed to be done and fell asleep. They were gone this morning. She must have taken them. Gotta look for them when.i get home from work. This is part of the problem... You don't know what you want...it's all based on her. And since it seems that she took the papers... Tell her to give them back! Why didn't you speak up the minute you noticed they weren't there? Speak up man!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted March 15, 2012 Author Share Posted March 15, 2012 This is part of the problem... You don't know what you want...it's all based on her. And since it seems that she took the papers... Tell her to give them back! Why didn't you speak up the minute you noticed they weren't there? Speak up man!!! Sunny, I do know what I want. I want my family back but it doesn't seem she wants me back and I don't know what ekse to do but push her away now in hopes she sees the light. I know its a dangerous game but what options do I have? As for the paperwork, I got up real late this morning and didn't have time to get them or I would hace been late for work. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 Ok - good luck with that. You are going about it all back wards. YOU need to taking care of YOU! But you're so focused on her... Knowing full well she doesn't want you. Sigh. Good luck man... I wish you well! Go read the thread by surfer203. It will look like yours. He's been at it for years now... Just finally moving forward the past few weeks. But you will be able to see what it will look like as long as you keep being her doormat. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 Okay, so you still want it even through all of this. That's commendable. A lot of people will disagree with me BUT I do believe it to be commendable that you wish to keep your family together despite the painful actions she has taken. Please read Divorce Remedy. It pulled me through my own husband's crap. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted March 15, 2012 Author Share Posted March 15, 2012 absolutely I am taking care if me. I'm working out not drinking, eating right. What else am I supposes to do? Of course I'm thinking abourt her too. 17 years just doesnt to away. Wish it would! Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 HSB, you've got so much on your plate right noe that it is going to feel like it is hitting you all at once. Take a week, take a break from it. Get some rest, take some long walks. Slowly breathe in what has happened and then tackle it one baby step at a time. Link to post Share on other sites
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