elfman Posted April 12, 2012 Share Posted April 12, 2012 Hey hurts, quick question... Will your wife take offense that you want to be with your kids? Come on man, ffs, she is saying what are your plans? And you come up with a BS excuse that you don't have cash... Just man up and say: Listen baby, I want to see the kids but really I don't think seeing you is positive for you or me at this point, you said you wanted to be happy and I will make an effort to stay out of your way for you to consider if being without me makes you happy. So yeah, I want to see the kids, but I would like to be alone with them, if that's possible... I know your are sick of my ****, and I want to make you have to deal with it the least possible. That's it, case closed, problem solved... E. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted April 12, 2012 Author Share Posted April 12, 2012 I hear ya elfman and u are absolutely right! However! This is my girl! A women I have not stopped thinking about for the past two months! The mother too all three of my children. She is my girl regardless..I played the "NOT anything in concrete game" Its not that easy to just shunn her when she says WE will make you dinner" you need no cash" I have the cash...Already played the game just too see if she needed me there for a reason. sort of like the Bronx Tale scenio.. Im smarter than you think.. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted April 12, 2012 Share Posted April 12, 2012 Stop expecting anything. It's YOUR EXPECTATIONS that will get you disappointed and mad EVERY time! Link to post Share on other sites
elfman Posted April 12, 2012 Share Posted April 12, 2012 Im not saying you're not smart bud, just saying based on this you said yourself: "You understand that you put her through a lot of ****" "You understand that she is confused about what she wants" "You said you don't want to see her and reset to square one" "She said she wants to be happy" "She told you she would make you dinner AFTER you said you had no cash (so you played the victim and she responded by making an offer to please you on your birthday" So the thing is very simple, either stop playing games and go up and see your kids, or go to dinner with her and the kids, or don't go at all... All 3 options are equally easy to execute, it's just a matter of which one you think will be more beneficial for you. What are you expecting from seeing her/not seeing her... Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted April 12, 2012 Author Share Posted April 12, 2012 Stop expecting anything. It's YOUR EXPECTATIONS that will get you disappointed and mad EVERY time! I know I know! believe e I know! Its gonna be a while after this that anything is going on so I guess I will torture myself one more time! Just gonna go and put on the big smiley face! See the kids and say thanks for dinner no matter how hard it is I have to play it cool! Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted April 12, 2012 Author Share Posted April 12, 2012 Im not saying you're not smart bud, just saying based on this you said yourself: "You understand that you put her through a lot of ****" "You understand that she is confused about what she wants" "You said you don't want to see her and reset to square one" "She said she wants to be happy" "She told you she would make you dinner AFTER you said you had no cash (so you played the victim and she responded by making an offer to please you on your birthday" So the thing is very simple, either stop playing games and go up and see your kids, or go to dinner with her and the kids, or don't go at all... All 3 options are equally easy to execute, it's just a matter of which one you think will be more beneficial for you. What are you expecting from seeing her/not seeing her... Im not really trying to play games..I am going up on Sunday. I have plenty of cash...More than I had when I was home! go figure. I just dont want the expectations that each time I go up there is going to be gifts like I have been doing....Not for her but for the kids.I have been spoiling them since this entire thing.. Expectations are none...Would love there to be something more but at this point I have none and expect nothing...Just gotta leave things be for a bit and see where my life brings me. Finally starting to realize that I can play the role properly but it doesnt mean thigs are going to be the way I want. Does this sound like the right plan? Kind of in limbo land for a while. Link to post Share on other sites
NXS Posted April 12, 2012 Share Posted April 12, 2012 I know I know! believe e I know! Its gonna be a while after this that anything is going on so I guess I will torture myself one more time! Just gonna go and put on the big smiley face! See the kids and say thanks for dinner no matter how hard it is I have to play it cool! That's it HSB, play it cool and have a good time with the kids. Maybe take them out for a while after dinner so it doesn't seem like you're on top off your wife. It it starts to feel overwhelming then excuse yourself and go for a walk or do something to try and calm yourself down. It's your poor impulse control that keeps getting you into trouble, this will be good practice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted April 12, 2012 Author Share Posted April 12, 2012 yeah its gonna be rough but I can do it! It akes me really happy that she thought of me. Earlier I was anticipating just a happy birthday call. Its really nice of her and I really hope she has more in mind for us! I really miss her and the kids! ... gotta play it cool no matter what! Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted April 13, 2012 Share Posted April 13, 2012 Did you realize that face is the "laugh my ass off" face, not a sad face. I love it when people make that mistake on here. "And that's when my dog died":lmao: You kinda wonder about them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted April 13, 2012 Author Share Posted April 13, 2012 Did you realize that face is the "laugh my ass off" face, not a sad face. I love it when people make that mistake on here. "And that's when my dog died":lmao: You kinda wonder about them. LOL DOT......I thought it was tears on the face! Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted April 13, 2012 Author Share Posted April 13, 2012 Did you realize that face is the "laugh my ass off" face, not a sad face. I love it when people make that mistake on here. "And that's when my dog died":lmao: You kinda wonder about them. so whats your take on this whole situation DOT? what do you think? I am going up Sunday..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted April 13, 2012 Author Share Posted April 13, 2012 Yes..she has thought of you..she didn`t have to do anything...but she is This says a lot. Ans yes...play it cool. really cool. Don`t talk about the separation, about the 2 of you, or anything like that. Relax. See her as a `friend` . I know I hear ya, and I wont! not gona be easy though! You dot think she is just doing this too be nice? or for the kids to see me? They see e every week anyways..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted April 13, 2012 Author Share Posted April 13, 2012 ok guys, How should I dress? Sounds like a stupid question probably bbut I feel like if I go all decked out she will think I am trying to impress..Should I go in just regular clothes? what do you think. May sound stupid and I will probably hear s*t from coops but I think it akes a difference. Let me know what you think. Link to post Share on other sites
NXS Posted April 13, 2012 Share Posted April 13, 2012 ok guys, How should I dress? Sounds like a stupid question probably bbut I feel like if I go all decked out she will think I am trying to impress..Should I go in just regular clothes? what do you think. May sound stupid and I will probably hear s*t from coops but I think it akes a difference. Let me know what you think. Like Bond,..... James Bond. Lol Just kidding, I'd suggest dressy casual if you know what I mean. Casual clothes but with a nice jacket and shoes. Enough to show that you have changed but not too much that it appears like a show. I'm from Europe so can't advise what would be fashionable there, perhaps some of the locals could chime in and give you tips of where to shop. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted April 13, 2012 Author Share Posted April 13, 2012 You got it! cucumber! I will do my best....My best has been pretty good so far Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted April 13, 2012 Share Posted April 13, 2012 Eh..NXS...culture differences, understood. HSB - You have been invited to spend time with your kids...this is a time of no pressure on you or her...doesn't matter what you are wearing, what matters is how the the two of you end up at the end of the evening...and no, not in bed. How the two of you leave it. If you pressure her about the relationship, marriage...etc...I can bet you are going to have the same kind of night you had when you told her to F-off a couple of weeks ago. Keep in mind, no pressure...if you do, she will bolt and you will get hurt.... and you will blame her and she will blame you. Neither of you are in control of the situation. Relax and spend time with your kids. Do not be concerned with what she does or doesn't do nor is this the time for her to bring up what you do or don't do. I'm going to give you some standard advice that I paid a lot of money for a few years ago. If she wants to talk about the relationship, deflect the conversation to another time. Tell her that you can't think or talk it at the moment...it's not the time to talk about it, you are adjusting, she is adjusting..heck, the kids are adjusting. Rome wasn't built in a day....this weekend is only one peg in the hole of many. Have a wonderful birthday and reflect on what you have learned so far, the two of you have to stop forcing your positions and learn to share a life, how you walk away from the weekend, how the weekend ends is on both of you regardless of what you are wearing...it's about how your treat each other and the actions based on that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted April 14, 2012 Share Posted April 14, 2012 It was kind of her to invite you to come see your kids. Your expectations are getting you way off track. You're making it a really big deal, that could be problematic. Don't expect it to be a big deal. Just relax and enjoy it. Don't talk personal stuff with her - keep it simple and surface conversation. And your expectations - they will always disappoint you; so quit expecting anything. And just wear something you would normally wear when you're out to dinner. Take an appetizer to contribute to the meal. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted April 14, 2012 Author Share Posted April 14, 2012 u guys are absolutely right and for what trippi said,i already planned that course of action. if she brings up anything, positive or negative about us I am just going to say simply, "now s not the time" As for what i wear, I have made the decision to go in my workout clothes, so she can see the BOD! lol...then take a shower and change to nicer clothes...I think thats the best route to give her alittle of both worlds... As for anything else, Of couse I have expectations but I am also realistic. I am not expecting this to be a I LOVE YOU AND WANT YOU BACK night. I dont have that much confidence in the situation! I am just gonna play it as cool as I possibly can! belive it or not I am pretty cool.... YES Coops! I am! Thanks guys! for being there for me! Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted April 14, 2012 Share Posted April 14, 2012 As for what i wear, I have made the decision to go in my workout clothes, so she can see the BOD! lol...then take a shower and change to nicer clothes...I think thats the best route to give her alittle of both worlds... Really??? You can give her a little bit of both worlds...and so can any other man, guess she is showing you too huh? The man she wants is the man who will treat her well. Who has her ear, who has her heart..not who has her vagina due to rock hard abs that men are so proud of....God, it IS all about you huh? I would say that you can show her all that....sensitivity is not your strong suit and where you will continue losing to those sweet talkers. I'm actually :lmao::lmao: as this is the only thing my exH thought was important too.....OMG!! LOL!! I continue reading this thread only because it makes me appreciate my SO to laugh at egotism.....sorry HSB. You are going to epic fail if you think this is your way in.....:lmao: You aren't 10 years old...grow the F up!!! :mad: Better it comes from here than from your wife. Link to post Share on other sites
NXS Posted April 14, 2012 Share Posted April 14, 2012 u guys are absolutely right and for what trippi said,i already planned that course of action. if she brings up anything, positive or negative about us I am just going to say simply, "now s not the time" As for what i wear, I have made the decision to go in my workout clothes, so she can see the BOD! lol...then take a shower and change to nicer clothes...I think thats the best route to give her alittle of both worlds... As for anything else, Of couse I have expectations but I am also realistic. I am not expecting this to be a I LOVE YOU AND WANT YOU BACK night. I dont have that much confidence in the situation! I am just gonna play it as cool as I possibly can! belive it or not I am pretty cool.... YES Coops! I am! Thanks guys! for being there for me! Wear adult's clothes, not teenage workout gear. HSB, sometimes you come across as being immature and I'm now wondering what you mean by "playing it cool". I'm thinking you see this as playing some kind of fictional character rather than what I thought you originally meant by it i.e. practicing your impulse control, not getting caught up fights and not trying to force her into a decision. In other words, being an adult who's in control of themselves. This goes for being with the kids too, they need to know you're the adult in control and not just another child. Your supposed to be like a rock, that can take all the stuff they throw at you and be stable, enforce boundaries and discipline, teach them how to grow up, as well as enjoying your time with them. This is what you should be thinking about on the day, not whether you can get your wife to feel the hots for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted April 14, 2012 Author Share Posted April 14, 2012 I don't know maybe I am a bit immature....I started dating my wifw when I was.23 and married her at 25......maybe I don' have much experience .with maturity even at 43......just figured I would let her see that I am taking care of myself and body...that's all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted April 14, 2012 Author Share Posted April 14, 2012 I mean wouldn't some people call it immaturity that a women, any women would run further from their husband when he is honest and tells her straight out his love for her? Why the reason for all the secrecy! Too me in a way a women running after a man confesses his love is inmaturity...unleashed there is something I am missing it appears many people are inmature Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted April 14, 2012 Share Posted April 14, 2012 Stop using excuses for being immature. We aren't focusing on womEN perse' - you are focusing on one womAN! Act appropriate - dress appropriate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted April 14, 2012 Author Share Posted April 14, 2012 Stop using excuses for being immature. We aren't focusing on womEN perse' - you are focusing on one womAN! Act appropriate - dress appropriate. I shall sunny! and as far as acting appropriate I think it was trippi questioning my ability to do so. I will be fine. Happy upbeat and nice bbut not too nice and overly anxious! That sound right too you guys? Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted April 14, 2012 Author Share Posted April 14, 2012 that is as far as she is concerned ayway. The kids are a different story Link to post Share on other sites
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