Author hurts_so_bad Posted April 21, 2012 Author Share Posted April 21, 2012 yeah she is a lot more talkative, She is smiling more, etc..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted April 21, 2012 Author Share Posted April 21, 2012 If she didnt give a sh*t about me ad didnt want anything with me why would she agree to go out with me and te kids on a family outing? Especially after the argument. Link to post Share on other sites
NXS Posted April 21, 2012 Share Posted April 21, 2012 yeah she is a lot more talkative, She is smiling more, etc..... Good, I don't think you should say anything to her then. You should just bring them out as arranged, no more passive crap you make arrangements for the day and take charge. Kind of like giving her a day out to just relax and enjoy with you taking care of things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted April 21, 2012 Author Share Posted April 21, 2012 hurts.. answer NXS`s question Coops I did answer that questio ad I said yes, she is more talkative and smiling more. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted April 21, 2012 Author Share Posted April 21, 2012 Who knows...who cares? FOCUS !!! Stop asking questions and listen ffs And maybe cos YOU asked HER ?? Yes maybe it is oly cos I asked her bbut if someone really didnt want to be bothered why would they? When you were going threw your **** would your wife have had a Bday dinner and cake for you? Would she agree to go out witth you? My guess is probably not. Thats why I am looking at it the way I am. Im ot etting over anxious but I am looking at it positively. Link to post Share on other sites
NXS Posted April 21, 2012 Share Posted April 21, 2012 HSB did you get my earlier reply? Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted April 21, 2012 Author Share Posted April 21, 2012 HSB did you get my earlier reply? Is it the one where you said for me not too say anything? If so yes I got it.... Link to post Share on other sites
NXS Posted April 21, 2012 Share Posted April 21, 2012 Is it the one where you said for me not too say anything? If so yes I got it.... What do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted April 21, 2012 Author Share Posted April 21, 2012 What do you think? Honestly, I dont know what too think! lol..... She seems to be following what I am doing here! I told her I cancelled my match.com account and she put hers on hold a week later. Now she thinks I have a girlfriend I think and she is back on it. But after the argumet the other night and her still saying yes to going out with me and the kids I THINK says something... Could just be wishful thinking! I guesss I will feel her out and see. If she is super friendly maybe I will bring it up. If she seems to be there just for the sake of beig there than I will leave it alone. Link to post Share on other sites
NXS Posted April 21, 2012 Share Posted April 21, 2012 Honestly, I dont know what too think! lol..... She seems to be following what I am doing here! I told her I cancelled my match.com account and she put hers on hold a week later. Now she thinks I have a girlfriend I think and she is back on it. But after the argumet the other night and her still saying yes to going out with me and the kids I THINK says something... Could just be wishful thinking! I guesss I will feel her out and see. If she is super friendly maybe I will bring it up. If she seems to be there just for the sake of beig there than I will leave it alone. Ok, it's just that I think you're at a delicate stage now and any heavy conversations about the future could backfire, that's why I suggested not mentioning it. If she's changing how she reacts to you then that sounds like a good sign, so continuing on for another while will eventually force a decision. Btw thanks for starting WW3 between me and Coops. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted April 21, 2012 Author Share Posted April 21, 2012 Ok, it's just that I think you're at a delicate stage now and any heavy conversations about the future could backfire, that's why I suggested not mentioning it. If she's changing how she reacts to you then that sounds like a good sign, so continuing on for another while will eventually force a decision. Btw thanks for starting WW3 between me and Coops. What did I do? lol...... Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted April 21, 2012 Author Share Posted April 21, 2012 are you? when? Where? my `wife ` did **** all for my birthday And thats ok. Hurts...how old are you? Im 43 years old.Why is this something that age matters? If you have never been threw it you have never been threw it....Again, Thats why I am on this forum. Too ask quaestions and get opinions fro people like yourself who have been threw it. Age makes no difference..... Link to post Share on other sites
NXS Posted April 21, 2012 Share Posted April 21, 2012 FFS...there an echo in here/ here? here?....(pun) He was at a `delicate` stage when he started this thread . NOW...he`s the same. AA meetings??? .....on and off drinking still???....on and off Got ANYWHERE from the original post...NO My 2 year old lab ( who has no nuts..the vet cut them off) still chases his tail...round and round he goes. We had him since he was 8 weeks old. And i`ve `taught` him to `chase` his tail!!!! My point? BE THE ALPHA MALE Stop asking us what you have to do!! GROW UP!!! ...man up. "do i fix the outlet, "do i fix the washer?" You really want to be asking us a question???.... Ask us " How can i get through my seperation? , without it effecting my kids?" Ok AlphaMale, it's Sat night why aren't you "chasing tail"? Riddle me that. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted April 21, 2012 Share Posted April 21, 2012 No, don't talk to her about the future until she brings it up! And meetings don't cut it. Do you have a sponsor? Have you done all your steps? If not, do them before anything else! Like your life depends on it! No one gets that many DUI's and wouldn't find a TON of value in doing the steps! Your actions and reactions to all this crap will have new perspective if you just do the steps... Link to post Share on other sites
NXS Posted April 21, 2012 Share Posted April 21, 2012 Why aren`t YOU? I have to be work at 10, sun morning. I work weekends Pfff... you closet beta. Link to post Share on other sites
NXS Posted April 21, 2012 Share Posted April 21, 2012 pajero..still above you You gonna swim with da fishes...... Link to post Share on other sites
NXS Posted April 21, 2012 Share Posted April 21, 2012 Only if i`m nxt to you You're going down with HSB.... you insult me.... you insult my family... I vow revenge for three (3) generations. *slap* *slap* Link to post Share on other sites
NXS Posted April 22, 2012 Share Posted April 22, 2012 Goodnight guys if you're still online. Link to post Share on other sites
andyg99 Posted April 22, 2012 Share Posted April 22, 2012 Has he mentioned it anywhere on this thread? Because this has be bought up before( i mean about his drinking ( and he said it was never a problem..i.e, not alcoholic..just unlucky)) 3 DWI's, when he drinks he drinks to get plastered and has no control - that's unlucky? as I have said before all the advice he needed was in post #2 of this thread... Link to post Share on other sites
andyg99 Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 Im just going on what hurts has said to us. and what he told us very early on was he had 3 DWI's and a drinking problem... you are going out of your way to help him and that is commendable but IMO he should be working on one thing... and that may take months maybe even a lifetime to fix... Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 3 DWI's, when he drinks he drinks to get plastered and has no control - that's unlucky? as I have said before all the advice he needed was in post #2 of this thread... Yep..your right..nothing has changed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted April 23, 2012 Author Share Posted April 23, 2012 Before I get into yesterday I just want to ask y you guys keep harping on me? Inconcistancies with what? I told all of you I am NOT drinking! I am working on myself as much as I possibly can..Gym, AA meetings, reading, posting here, Trying to get my drivers license back, etc...There is only so much I can do. What else can I do? tell me....This entire situation hit me at the worst possible time in my life! I have no license, my wife is out dating, I cant afford my own apartment right now after the money I give for child support....What else can I do?! Now that I am done saying that I have to tell you all about yesterday! I arrived at the house around 2:15 pm...Kids were home but the wife wasnt. I asked the kids where she was and they said she is waiting on a tow truck her tire fell off...So being concerned I text her to make sure she was ok. She responded get the f**k out of my house I am coming home with the police....I know you did this to the truck... I said, Are you completely out of your mind?! Why would I jeopardize my kids or your life? Over this break up? I love you and the kids I would never do a thing like that! She responded, Well my girlfriend seen you and your friend in the neighborhood Friday night. Which is untrue! I was in Brooklyn all night Friday night! I told her this her girlfriend was mistaken.. It appears she went out all night and was just gettig home when this happened. She had the car dropped off at the mechanics and came home without the police and I spoke to her. I swore up and down I didnt do anything to her car. I asked her, "do you really think that little of me that I would try to get you or my kids killed!? She seemed unsure if she believed me but we did speak to eachother afterwards. I told her I loved her and told her, You are giving these new guys a chance for love with you. You dont love these guys and You arent going to fall in love the first date so..Even so you dont love me anymore why not let me take you on a few dates and we can see what happens. She said I already know everything about you. Then proceeded to say, I dont want to hurt you. I grabbed her by the face and told her all the hurt is gone! Then I kissed her on the lips twice and she said, I am not going to make out with you..She tried to walk away and I playfuly grabbed at her a few times (she was laughing) then I et her go. Alittle later I said being we cant go bowling or to dinner cause of the car situation. Lets just order in...My treat. So we ordered some italian food. We ate and she took a shower. ten minutes later I see her laying on her belly on out bed. So I laid down next to her and started massaging her sholders. She knows for the past 20 years what I expect when I start massaging but she didnt stop me. I then started talking dirty to her alittle and grabbed at her..She told me you are not getting laid but the entire time it was like playful...Weird. A little while later I asked her to shave my back. She took 20 minutes shaving my back....I dont get it! Am I nuts? Is she nuts? Thhis morning I woke up took a shower and left. A little while later I get a text from her. The mechanic said it wasnt done on purpose and I am sorry I accused you. I didnt answer. About two hours later she text me again saying, The tow truck driver said it was done on purpose and he really scared the **** out of me! I thought someone was trying to kill me! If I reallythought it was you I wouldnt have let you sleep over last night. I still havent answered and I am not going to...I am very very upset that she would think I would do something to that magnitude over this. Try to kill her or my kids! She must be nuts! I am fed up! Link to post Share on other sites
andyg99 Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 Before I get into yesterday I just want to ask y you guys keep harping on me? Inconcistancies with what? I told all of you I am NOT drinking! I am working on myself as much as I possibly can..Gym, AA meetings, reading, posting here, Trying to get my drivers license back, etc... you had 3 DWI's - wasn't not drinking part of your parole deal after the third one??? (I know folks who weren't supposed to drink after the first!)... you have admitted that you just stopped drinking about 2 months ago as part of your efforts to fix your marriage... but you continued to drink after the 3rd DWI, so tell me... should your marriage be taking up any of your energy? do you deserve your license back? if you haven't read my first post here I suggested individual counseling along with AA - you really should consider it... you only have two things (very tough things) to do and nothing more: 1. Address your sobriety and 2. look after your kids, sorry but your marriage is not even on the radar yet... Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted April 23, 2012 Author Share Posted April 23, 2012 you had 3 DWI's - wasn't not drinking part of your parole deal after the third one??? (I know folks who weren't supposed to drink after the first!)... you have admitted that you just stopped drinking about 2 months ago as part of your efforts to fix your marriage... but you continued to drink after the 3rd DWI, so tell me... should your marriage be taking up any of your energy? do you deserve your license back? if you haven't read my first post here I suggested individual counseling along with AA - you really should consider it... you only have two things (very tough things) to do and nothing more: 1. Address your sobriety and 2. look after your kids, sorry but your marriage is not even on the radar yet... I understand exactly what you are saying but Rome wasnt built in a day. I am taking steps little by little. 1st step was to quit drinking. I am going to AA....I was never on parole...After the third DWI I was sentenced to 16 weekends in jail because I have a job and family so the judge didnt sentence me to straight time. I do have probation which does check with breathalizers and swabs to make sure there is no drinking. I am not making any excuses for my past behaviors. All I said in other posts was my drinking was more due to the fact that I liked to hang out. My hanging out days are over! I knew no other way to hang out in the past. It was always in bars on the weekends but not everyday. Like I said, NO EXCUSES here! I know I have a problem with alchohol and I am doing what I can to remedy the problem. This has just hit me at the worst possible time in my life! I feel like I lost everything and have nothing! If I can make it threw this I can do anything! Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 HSB - Of course you are fed up, look at the drama in the course of just this incident....on BOTH of your parts. First, the tire incident....drama. If you were really fed up and upset about the whole thing, you would have caught the bus home instead of trying to convince your wife to play these little games with you. So...let me ask you, why are you not just giving her a quick okay to the texts and letting it go? You are acting very passive/aggressive in these interactions with her...these ARE inconsistencies. She hits with drama over the tire and accusations....you hit back with she is giving these guys all these chances...let's make it all playful and spend an evening together. She doesn't give you what you are really looking for...A: a roll in the hay for good times sake or B: giving you back what you really want...your wife. You wake up, go home and then punish her by stone-walling with silence. Why? Because your mind is still all over the place and that thought process leads to inconsistency. First, your not just giving a simple one word response and letting it go. The one person who can change the outcome of your situation is you. I've watched for three pages and not said anything because other's have already told you what you already know and say you are doing. But where you haven't gotten to yet in your program is understanding how the thought process of someone going through sobriety and overcoming alcohol is affected. You are still caught up in the muck and mire of your own personal crisis....centered around you. You can choose to be the star of your own drama or you can remember that there is a wife of almost 20 years and 3 children who all have an equal part in how you and your wife have determined the outcome of your situation. Continue doing the work to change the outcome of your situation and stop trying to force things with your wife....it's up to both of you to stop the games and the drama....still playing tit for tat...... Link to post Share on other sites
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