recently seperated and need

[hurts_so_bad]

There was also the other time when the hot water heater pilot was out. She called me 5 ties in a half hour. I was at the gym so didnt know she called till I got in. So I decided not to answer. The next morning she texts me Thank god it wasnt an emergency! lol...I mean what do you want from me? You fixed the damb thing why text me the next morning?

I dont get it! Maybe I am grabbing at hope that just isnt there...I dot know!

[hurts_so_bad]

no the house is both of ours ot rented.

[hurts_so_bad]

I hear ya! just afraid she may have something up her sleeve. y brother in law was at a birthday party I didnt attend that my wife did and he said the converstaion of the day was women and her talkig about me! He said my wife said she is maing her moves!

[hurts_so_bad]

lol.nothing I swear! there is absolutely othig I a not telling you guys! I told my whole story as truthful as I could be! I was a f'up who liked to drink and got in trouble a few times but thats about it...I not a psycho, I ever hit her I dot abuse my children, on and on....There is nothing else.Why? whats in your head

[hurts_so_bad]

sorry about the damb M's and N's this keyoard is screwed up

[hurts_so_bad]

well thats 1 of the 180 rules...Your right! believe none of what you hear and less then 50% of what you see..See I did read it!

[hurts_so_bad]

whats this divorce remedy all about? I will buy the book tomorrow but Its not going to tell me the same **** the 180 tells me is it?

[hurts_so_bad]

well we will see if she even decides to go threw with it cause I dont think she can even afford a apartment without me! for now I am stickig where I a till she decides to make the move. I know you are going to tell me stop letting her call the shots BUT! I cant control my emotions when she goes out and it will only ake the home worse off for my kids! If I flip police can be called etc...dont want that!

[hurts_so_bad]

I just finished the book called the secret...I recommend it if yu havent read it. It is about laws of attraction. Not in people but the universe. In other words the universe gives you what you think about most. Bottom line it tells you to try and stay in the presnt and not think of the past. Think happy thoughts! Easier said than Done!

[hurts_so_bad]

lol...Its nnot that easy here in NY.She still has a right to the house. Nothing I say or do will keep her from being in the house unless she is dangerous....Laws are for the women here! They would probably put me out!

[2sunny]

You are coming up with way more excuses instead of implementing change to find solutions.

[hurts_so_bad]

ok so you explain how you would get her out of the house if she didnt want to leave.. I would like to hear this

[hurts_so_bad]

be the alpha male by what? sittig in the house with the kids while she goes out? to me thats an idiot! not an alpha male. I get what you are saying..women want the alpha male but sitting inside my home while she goes out proves nothing to me. Rememeber, I am stuck between a rock and a hard place here...I have no licence and cant get around that easy! I have tried over and over to get it but probation is still giving me a hard time! If I did have it I believe things would be different.

[2sunny]

ok so you explain how you would get her out of the house if she didnt want to leave.. I would like to hear this

 

You make her WANT to leave! Ahahaha

 

Making sure she's all comfy and happy there isn't gonna make her want to leave, is it?

[hurts_so_bad]

ok so how? what do I do to make her want to leave? Thats goig to make me look like an alpha male or make her hate me more She mentioned leaving anyway to get her own apartment. I will take over the house with the kids cause she cant afford it. Should I push her against a wall and tell her to sell the house? I dont think thats such a great idea cause of the kids.But I really dont think she is goig to want to sell it either.

[hurts_so_bad]

and how do I become the alpha ale by being nice? Im not mocking anyone just asking. Never been threw this **** before!

[hurts_so_bad]

got it guys! tell me what you think. I'm gonna hang here in brooklyn till the wife texts about the money. I give her $400 a week. When she does I am going to tell her she needs to get out cause I am not giving her another dime until shes gone. Once shes gone I will take over the house and bills but not till she is gone cause I am ot living with her. What u think?

[Guitarjeff]

I have just read this entire thread, and I have been reading these threadslike this for years, and everything I thought would happen just a few of your posts in has happened to a T.

 

This has never really been about your drinking and being a bad husband, this has always been about your wife having an affair. There is NEVER EVER EVER a reason to cheat, EVER!!!. She could have divorced you any time she got tired of your antics.

 

We see this all the time. A broken hearted person will come to these infidelity forums and do usually one of two things. They will blame themselves and say they are completely at fault, or they will blames the cheatersw family for sexual abuse or being raised bad --basically, ANYTHING but lay the blame where it belongs--THE CHEATER!!!.

 

They do this because if it is not the cheaters fault, THEN THEY REALLY DIDN'T BETRAY YOU!!! Why, they probably still love you and if it wasn't for this other thing that made them cheat, they would really want me back. This is a way some people try to cope with the pain. They can't handle the thought that the person they thought they knew could actively decide to hop in the sack with someone else.

 

I'm not saying that you didn't do the things you said you did, and not saying they weren't bad. but, you also revealed that you have given her a good life as well in many ways, been a good father, no abuse, 4 cars, big house that you both own. In other words, it doesn't sound like she's had to get on food stamps or look in a dumpster for food. Looks like all in all, you have given her a pretty darn good standard of living.

 

She HAD NO REASON TO INVOLVE A THIRD PERSON IN YOUR PERSONAL LIVES, PERIODDD!!!

 

As soon as i started reading this I knew she was having sex with him, and it started some time before you ever left, COUNT ON IT!!!

 

Now, it's time for you to face the truth. YOUR MARRIAGE IS OVER, do you understand this? YOUR MARRIAGE IS OVER!!!! You must accept this because ven if she were to want you back someday, YOU CANNOT LIVE in misery with that hope, do you see this?

 

YOU MUST FILE for divorce an get started on your new life. What we WANT IS NOT ALWAYS WHAT'S BEST FOR US!!!

 

Tell me, do you want to spend the least amount of time in pain as is possible? YES, you want this pain over as quickly as possible. People can hang on in these situations for years, living in a personal hell, but when you actually move on, divorce and get started on your new life and accept it all, you are actually down the new road even in just a few short months. You can't see the new light until you ACTUALLY START WALKING TOWARD IT!!! Then, if the woman wants you back someday, that might be a treat, but if she doesn't, then you are already moved on with new goals and a new life, right? Do you now see why you must accept that this marriage is over? It's the only way you can begin the process, it's THE WAY TO MAKE THIS PAIN LAST THE LEAST AMOUNT OF TIME POSSIBLE!!!

 

 

You egt back to your home, and NO YOU DON'T SIT THERE AND WATCH HER GO OUT, YOU MAKE HER CHEATING AZZ MOVE OUT AND MAKE HER FEND FOR HERSELF!!!. She has a damn job.

 

You have been ENABLING her to have a damn affair while you have been basically paying for it, can't you see this?

 

FILE THE papers. Did you know that you could actually get married to her again if she ever wanted to do that? Yep, you can. FILE THE PAPERS, GET HER OUT, and get custody of your kids if you can, I did, and I have raised my two kids alone for 12 years now as a single dad, and I am a musician for a living, and that's a meager living i assure you, for most of us, but I wouldn't change a SINGLE thing that happened in my life. In a year or two from now you will say the same thing, you will look back, maybe from a new relationship and new family and thin, "My god, I wouldn't change anything because it made me evolve in to the person i am today and changed my life in to what it is today" Can you see this?

 

get started on your new life, right now. File the papers, try to get her to give you custody, split custody with you as the main caregiver, then later you can end up getting full custody. My ex even owes me 35 thousand dollars in back child support.

 

Your wife has a new guy, she doesn't really even want to be a mother right now, she is enjoying the new boy toy.

 

Get your kids, and I'm telling ya, get ready for the best years of your life. I have had the best 12 years of my entire life with just me and the kids. You will end up loving being single when the pain wears off, likme, you may even find yourself sabotaging relationships cause you want to protect your privacy and sanctity of your home with you kids.

 

My friend, file the papers, accept it's over, know that you will be happy again someday, and you will, i assure you. Tell her you want her out that you will not live with a cheating spouse, and that you don't want that around your kids either.

 

Get started now, or the pain will last and last, is that what you want? Start swimming to the surface, see the light up above and swim for it, don't sit under water, MOVE, NOW!!!

 

It will also be YOUR BEST chance of her coming back as well, you will be forcing her to face the reality that her family is really ending, FOR REAL and that you have really decided to move forward. You will be dumping her, and no one likes to be dumped. NO ONE!! Dump her, get on with it, TOMORROW IF YOU CAN, then thank me later. Good luck.

 

got it guys! tell me what you think. I'm gonna hang here in brooklyn till the wife texts about the money. I give her $400 a week. When she does I am going to tell her she needs to get out cause I am not giving her another dime until shes gone. Once shes gone I will take over the house and bills but not till she is gone cause I am ot living with her. What u think?

[hurts_so_bad]

I have just read this entire thread, and I have been reading these threadslike this for years, and everything I thought would happen just a few of your posts in has happened to a T.

 

This has never really been about your drinking and being a bad husband, this has always been about your wife having an affair. There is NEVER EVER EVER a reason to cheat, EVER!!!. She could have divorced you any time she got tired of your antics.

 

We see this all the time. A broken hearted person will come to these infidelity forums and do usually one of two things. They will blame themselves and say they are completely at fault, or they will blames the cheatersw family for sexual abuse or being raised bad --basically, ANYTHING but lay the blame where it belongs--THE CHEATER!!!.

 

They do this because if it is not the cheaters fault, THEN THEY REALLY DIDN'T BETRAY YOU!!! Why, they probably still love you and if it wasn't for this other thing that made them cheat, they would really want me back. This is a way some people try to cope with the pain. They can't handle the thought that the person they thought they knew could actively decide to hop in the sack with someone else.

 

I'm not saying that you didn't do the things you said you did, and not saying they weren't bad. but, you also revealed that you have given her a good life as well in many ways, been a good father, no abuse, 4 cars, big house that you both own. In other words, it doesn't sound like she's had to get on food stamps or look in a dumpster for food. Looks like all in all, you have given her a pretty darn good standard of living.

 

She HAD NO REASON TO INVOLVE A THIRD PERSON IN YOUR PERSONAL LIVES, PERIODDD!!!

 

As soon as i started reading this I knew she was having sex with him, and it started some time before you ever left, COUNT ON IT!!!

 

Now, it's time for you to face the truth. YOUR MARRIAGE IS OVER, do you understand this? YOUR MARRIAGE IS OVER!!!! You must accept this because ven if she were to want you back someday, YOU CANNOT LIVE in misery with that hope, do you see this?

 

YOU MUST FILE for divorce an get started on your new life. What we WANT IS NOT ALWAYS WHAT'S BEST FOR US!!!

 

Tell me, do you want to spend the least amount of time in pain as is possible? YES, you want this pain over as quickly as possible. People can hang on in these situations for years, living in a personal hell, but when you actually move on, divorce and get started on your new life and accept it all, you are actually down the new road even in just a few short months. You can't see the new light until you ACTUALLY START WALKING TOWARD IT!!! Then, if the woman wants you back someday, that might be a treat, but if she doesn't, then you are already moved on with new goals and a new life, right? Do you now see why you must accept that this marriage is over? It's the only way you can begin the process, it's THE WAY TO MAKE THIS PAIN LAST THE LEAST AMOUNT OF TIME POSSIBLE!!!

 

 

You egt back to your home, and NO YOU DON'T SIT THERE AND WATCH HER GO OUT, YOU MAKE HER CHEATING AZZ MOVE OUT AND MAKE HER FEND FOR HERSELF!!!. She has a damn job.

 

You have been ENABLING her to have a damn affair while you have been basically paying for it, can't you see this?

 

FILE THE papers. Did you know that you could actually get married to her again if she ever wanted to do that? Yep, you can. FILE THE PAPERS, GET HER OUT, and get custody of your kids if you can, I did, and I have raised my two kids alone for 12 years now as a single dad, and I am a musician for a living, and that's a meager living i assure you, for most of us, but I wouldn't change a SINGLE thing that happened in my life. In a year or two from now you will say the same thing, you will look back, maybe from a new relationship and new family and thin, "My god, I wouldn't change anything because it made me evolve in to the person i am today and changed my life in to what it is today" Can you see this?

 

get started on your new life, right now. File the papers, try to get her to give you custody, split custody with you as the main caregiver, then later you can end up getting full custody. My ex even owes me 35 thousand dollars in back child support.

 

Your wife has a new guy, she doesn't really even want to be a mother right now, she is enjoying the new boy toy.

 

Get your kids, and I'm telling ya, get ready for the best years of your life. I have had the best 12 years of my entire life with just me and the kids. You will end up loving being single when the pain wears off, likme, you may even find yourself sabotaging relationships cause you want to protect your privacy and sanctity of your home with you kids.

 

My friend, file the papers, accept it's over, know that you will be happy again someday, and you will, i assure you. Tell her you want her out that you will not live with a cheating spouse, and that you don't want that around your kids either.

 

Get started now, or the pain will last and last, is that what you want? Start swimming to the surface, see the light up above and swim for it, don't sit under water, MOVE, NOW!!!

 

It will also be YOUR BEST chance of her coming back as well, you will be forcing her to face the reality that her family is really ending, FOR REAL and that you have really decided to move forward. You will be dumping her, and no one likes to be dumped. NO ONE!! Dump her, get on with it, TOMORROW IF YOU CAN, then thank me later. Good luck.

 

Thank you so much for your post! you really opened my eyes! You are right! sleeping on the couch! no more. I will get a ride there saturday. I am going to tell her she needs to go! I am not leavig anymore! the only worry I have is if she doesnt leave! how can I force her? give me soe ideas! please!

[2sunny]

She coulda/ shoulda thought about what she's gonna do when she started seeing her guy. You can keep money from her by moving it and closing all credit cards.

 

The details are up to her. It's her life, her choice. Do not solve her problems. Focus on you and your future and your kids.

 

Start moving forward...

 

I agree with guitarjeff - my past several years single have been so great and so amazing! I never imagined it could be his good!

 

Stop hanging on to what's dragging you down - she wants to do her thing - get out of her way - let her go! She made that decision - now stick with it!

 

No more handing her money! She needs to figure out how to earn her own! When she asks for it - simply tell her it's not for you to figure out anymore - that it's now her own responsibility! Use your calm voice. Only state your position once... Tell her you believe she will be capable of figuring that stuff out herself.

 

Get busy living! Learn how to be happy on your own! It really is awesome!

[2sunny]

You make her WANT to leave! Ahahaha

 

Making sure she's all comfy and happy there isn't gonna make her want to leave, is it?

 

You make sure she is miserable by pulling major negative, nasty attitude with her! The kind of attitude a woman deserves when she cheats. I don't understand all these husbands here that try being all nice to their cheating wives!!!!! Hello? Talk about rewarding bad behavior!

 

Start treating her like the poop that she is! Tell her she stinks! Tell her to get out! Tell her you are willing to make her damn miserable until she leaves!

[Bradly]

You make sure she is miserable by pulling major negative, nasty attitude with her! The kind of attitude a woman deserves when she cheats. I don't understand all these husbands here that try being all nice to their cheating wives!!!!! Hello? Talk about rewarding bad behavior!

 

Start treating her like the poop that she is! Tell her she stinks! Tell her to get out! Tell her you are willing to make her damn miserable until she leaves!

2sunny, you are on a major rant tonight, but you know what? eff it... These woman who are breaking up homes need to be put in thier place... I am taking care of my kids. I miss being loved, but I'm sick and tired of hearing all about effing selfish bulll****e attitudes of I need to find myself crap... My kids will always be with me with or without her...

[hurts_so_bad]

well I am going up either toorrow or sunday dependig on when I can get a ride. I am going to sit her down and tell her she needs to go like now..If not I will not give another dime to the hme and we can lose everything. Thats it bottom line!

[Guitarjeff]

Entice her by helping her with the rent on a place just to get her out. Once her name is on a lease, then you have what you wanted.

 

Now, since she is hot for the new boy toy, you use this against her to get what she wants. Entice her by saying you think you should split custody equally of the kids, but that you want the hard part. You want to be the one to get them up for school and such, to be the main caregiver. Tell her you will live there with them and yet, she won't lose any rights and will not have to pay child support or anything. You just feel that you are better suited right now to live there with them, that's all.

 

Her feelings for the boy toy will make her think, "I can be single and not have to do the every day parent thing, yet, I get split custody and I don't lose any real parental rights.

 

She will see many advantages to this for her playing around. The thing is, once she moves out and starts playing, you will find that the more she plays, the less parenting she will want to do. The longer you and the kids live together in your home the more power you have in the courts.

 

Eventually, at her first srew up, or if she doesn't want to take the kids because she wants to play with a new boy toy or something, you can file for full custody if you want to.

 

The point is, you will LOVE raising your kids, and your family and hers will always be there to help with baby sitting and such. You will figure out ways to get the things done with work and such once you have yur little family.

 

It's also a babe magnet. Most women really admire a guy who has stuck it out for his children and is raising them alone. They just love that for some reason.

 

There is nothing like having your own little family with your kids. My son is now 21 and my daughter is 16. they both work, we go out to eat and we do things together. They are so devoted to me, so thankful that I stood beside them and raised them, it made our bond so strong it is unreal, and I will be able to count on their devotion the rest of my life. i wouldn't change anything that happened in the past, and neither will you. These last 12 years have been the best years of my entire life. The kids and I have had a blast together and the bond between us is so strong because of it.

 

She will be thinking, "I got a new apartment while he does all the day to day stuff for the kids, and i still have split custody?" In her current state, that will be very enticing, but it will be you that is gaining something FAR FAR more valuable.

 

So help her get settled in a new apartment, be great with the kids and tell her it will help you get over all this if you can go through it with the support of having the kids on a daily basis, and she still gets split custody, it's a friendly divorce, she can have her fun, and all will be well.

 

Then the longer you make it in this situation, the better, and the more power you have to keep it that way. the courts are mainly concerned with what's best for the children. You live with them as the main care giver for a year, she will never be able to take them away from you. And is she ever messes up, like having them around a guy or in some bad situation, you can lower the boom on her.

 

I am trying to raise your sights above the level of the situation you are in right now. You can only see through your current pain, but I want you to see the big, life time picture, beyond the pain.

 

You must get started and get that divorce filed and get her to accept you as the main care giver. You live there with those kids, you can make it and you will LOVE IT.

[hurts_so_bad]

Hey guys, I have two posts I am going to put up one at a time. First post is that I feel I am getting mixed messages... Standtall, coop and DOT have been at this thread since day 1 so you guys know my story the best...When I first posted I was torn up by you guys about my antics etc and no wonder why she left you etc etc etc....Now I am getting messages to file the divorce, throw her out, etc etc etc....Why the change of heart here?