recently seperated and need

[2sunny]

you guys ever hear of the cat string theory? If so, Do you think that would be good to do to my wife?

 

Most likely anything you used to do - do completely opposite - its called contrary action. It's designed to get different results.

[hurts_so_bad]

I think at this point I would ask you how your life as a gambler was...how many times did you lose? Obviously you lost a lot when it came to drinking with 3 DWI's....keep gambling and playing games...the ones you will lose that hit the hardest are the ones you play with someone's heart.

 

If you ask me, your wife has already taken 2Sunny's advice and moved to a place where she is trying to make herself happy every day. I don't even think you want your wife back because you love her, I think you prefer to manipulate the situation so you don't lose and right now, she showed you how you can lose. Resorting to this...well, that just shows your obsessive/compulsive behavior that got you here.

 

Perhaps you need to look at how you and your wife got to where you are now...with a bit of humility instead of pride. That would help you much better than just grasping at whatever straws are thrown your way.

 

 

Hey trippi

I did take a long hard look at what got us here. My selfishness and stupidity! I know two months isnt s*t but those days are over for me. Its cost me too much and hurt too many people including me! I just want to get on with my life the way I should have in the first place. I need to gain her trust though. I think you are right about the compulsive thing. I think most people who are drinkers and drug addicts have it. Thats what makes us go overboard.

[hurts_so_bad]

Most likely anything you used to do - do completely opposite - its called contrary action. It's designed to get different results.

 

 

Well honestly I never really paid her much attention unless I wanted to get L**d! So should I pay her attention now? That may be the one exception to the rule no? Cause everyone says not too...Let me know what you think.

[trippi1432]

Hey trippi

I did take a long hard look at what got us here. My selfishness and stupidity! I know two months isnt s*t but those days are over for me. Its cost me too much and hurt too many people including me! I just want to get on with my life the way I should have in the first place. I need to gain her trust though. I think you are right about the compulsive thing. I think most people who are drinkers and drug addicts have it. Thats what makes us go overboard.

 

Well honestly I never really paid her much attention unless I wanted to get L**d! So should I pay her attention now? That may be the one exception to the rule no? Cause everyone says not too...Let me know what you think.[/QUOTe]

 

If I had a dollar for every time my exH made me feel exactly as you stated above in our 15 years together....I would never have to play the lottery again. What I do find almost amusing about your question is that you think that sexual attention is all a woman needs to be happy. Was she just the "female" in your house until you were 'horny' and then she became a woman?

 

Can you answer something honestly and without waiting for many posts to avoid a direct question?? Each time you got those DWI's, what happened? What was the background....what caused you to drive home drunk knowing you could get in trouble? Where was she, where was your family and finally....answer my question from many posts ago. Was it your second or third DWI when she said she was through?

[2sunny]

If any man ONLY paid attention to me when he wanted to get laid - I'd go celibate instead of taking the sex.

 

I want my man to consider me, my feelings, connect with my MIND(the biggest sex organ, and interact with me always in a loving and positive manner.

 

That is what loving behavior looks like!

 

What you reduce her to is basically a hooker. No woman can feel loved or appreciated the way you describe. And stop complaining that you're lonely! Go to AA and meet some friends. There's REAL honesty and real people there. Connect with them! Learn! Do the steps!

 

Your mistaking lonely for horny! It's time to grow up now. If you only want sex - protect yourself and pay a prostitute.

[dreamingoftigers]

Okay okay okay,

 

HSB, clearly you realize that you've made a lot of mistakes and that they come with a high cost to your family and self-respect.

 

At this point, picking the direction to have your house, kids, and wife back requires a TON of work and a TON of patience and dedication to that dream.

 

Furthermore, you must let go of all of the EXPECTATIONS you have of your wife and how she is to react to you. You didn't tragedies way a husband should to a dedicated wife so, really, she isn't going to respond in kind at this point.

 

Have you looked into The Divorce Remedy yet? Or do I have to smack you repeatedly?

[hurts_so_bad]

If I had a dollar for every time my exH made me feel exactly as you stated above in our 15 years together....I would never have to play the lottery again. What I do find almost amusing about your question is that you think that sexual attention is all a woman needs to be happy. Was she just the "female" in your house until you were 'horny' and then she became a woman?

 

Can you answer something honestly and without waiting for many posts to avoid a direct question?? Each time you got those DWI's, what happened? What was the background....what caused you to drive home drunk knowing you could get in trouble? Where was she, where was your family and finally....answer my question from many posts ago. Was it your second or third DWI when she said she was through?

 

Hi Trippi

Sorry but I didnt think it was a question in your earlier post. I thought it was more like a comment to get your point accross....I was a moron! No doubt about it! What caused me to drive home drunk I guess was just the fact that I didnt get that you CANT do these things anymore! I was born in 69 and got my lisence in the 80's...Things were alot different then! Cops didnt follow you from bars etc..If you did get pulled over they would tell you to park the car and get it the next morning. It took me a log hard lesson to realize that things are different now!

 

Where were my wife and kids? They were home and I should have been there with them!

 

My wife never said it was over after any of them. My last DWI was 4 years ago. She said she was no longer i love with my late January early February.

[hurts_so_bad]

If any man ONLY paid attention to me when he wanted to get laid - I'd go celibate instead of taking the sex.

 

I want my man to consider me, my feelings, connect with my MIND(the biggest sex organ, and interact with me always in a loving and positive manner.

 

That is what loving behavior looks like!

 

What you reduce her to is basically a hooker. No woman can feel loved or appreciated the way you describe. And stop complaining that you're lonely! Go to AA and meet some friends. There's REAL honesty and real people there. Connect with them! Learn! Do the steps!

 

Your mistaking lonely for horny! It's time to grow up now. If you only want sex - protect yourself and pay a prostitute.

 

Oh Geez Sunny!

 

I want more than that! Hiring a prostitute does nothing for me! remember I am describing the way I was with her. I am not saying it was right. I am just being honest Doesnt mean I want to continue that path with her. This whole experience has been a huge wake up call for me! It has taught me to be a better man regardless if its with her or someone else in the future.

I now know there are more things to life!

[hurts_so_bad]

Okay okay okay,

 

HSB, clearly you realize that you've made a lot of mistakes and that they come with a high cost to your family and self-respect.

 

At this point, picking the direction to have your house, kids, and wife back requires a TON of work and a TON of patience and dedication to that dream.

 

Furthermore, you must let go of all of the EXPECTATIONS you have of your wife and how she is to react to you. You didn't tragedies way a husband should to a dedicated wife so, really, she isn't going to respond in kind at this point.

 

Have you looked into The Divorce Remedy yet? Or do I have to smack you repeatedly?

 

 

LOL DOT

 

Havent gotten it yet. I did go to barnes and nobles this past week but they didnt have it. I promise to pick it up this week!

[hurts_so_bad]

On a lighter note, Just want to wish all my friends who repeatedly beat me up for good reason! A very Happy and healthy Easter! I know all of us are goig threw our S**t but hope most of us can atleast enjoy this day!

 

Happy Easter!

[hurts_so_bad]

If any man ONLY paid attention to me when he wanted to get laid - I'd go celibate instead of taking the sex.

 

I want my man to consider me, my feelings, connect with my MIND(the biggest sex organ, and interact with me always in a loving and positive manner.

 

That is what loving behavior looks like!

 

What you reduce her to is basically a hooker. No woman can feel loved or appreciated the way you describe. And stop complaining that you're lonely! Go to AA and meet some friends. There's REAL honesty and real people there. Connect with them! Learn! Do the steps!

 

Your mistaking lonely for horny! It's time to grow up now. If you only want sex - protect yourself and pay a prostitute.

 

You are absolutely right sunny! A womens biggest sex organ is her mind! Short story for you. About 2 years ago my wife and I were going threw a dry spell when it came to sex. One night my neighborhood friends threw a reunion party. My wife and I both went and had a great time! There was this girl there I used to date when I was younger. She is still absolutely beautiful!

 

Anyway, I introduced her to my wife and we talked for a short period of time as I would not want to make my wife uncomfortable. That night my wife literally raped me! I think it was a slight jealousy thing but either way she rocked my world! So I definitely know that the mind is the biggest sex organ!

 

Anyway, How do I tap into that mind again? You guys answer my questions with questions many times! I need the 411 on the best way to get her thinking of me again! I need some advice. I really think there is still a good chance for us but I need to do the right thing!

 

Should I just keep up on the fake happiness thing? Act as I dont care? Or should I be flirty etc???? She told me a bunch of times she just wants to be happy! need advice guys!

[trippi1432]

Hi Trippi

Sorry but I didnt think it was a question in your earlier post. I thought it was more like a comment to get your point accross....I was a moron! No doubt about it! What caused me to drive home drunk I guess was just the fact that I didnt get that you CANT do these things anymore! I was born in 69 and got my lisence in the 80's...Things were alot different then! Cops didnt follow you from bars etc..If you did get pulled over they would tell you to park the car and get it the next morning. It took me a log hard lesson to realize that things are different now!

 

Where were my wife and kids? They were home and I should have been there with them!

 

My wife never said it was over after any of them. My last DWI was 4 years ago. She said she was no longer i love with my late January early February.

 

Hurts, it shouldn't matter what generation you were born to know that each time you took a risk. So, does this mean you have not had a license in four years? Goes without saying you should have learned your lesson after the first one that times have changed.

 

Guess there is a new lesson to be learned as well, getting in your wife's mind is not just about getting in bed with her. She could sleep with you everyday for the next year and still not be in love with you, I would say that would be because she knows you only place value in her as something sexual and not in sharing a life with her.

 

You are absolutely right sunny! A womens biggest sex organ is her mind! Short story for you. About 2 years ago my wife and I were going threw a dry spell when it came to sex. One night my neighborhood friends threw a reunion party. My wife and I both went and had a great time! There was this girl there I used to date when I was younger. She is still absolutely beautiful!

 

Anyway, I introduced her to my wife and we talked for a short period of time as I would not want to make my wife uncomfortable. That night my wife literally raped me! I think it was a slight jealousy thing but either way she rocked my world! So I definitely know that the mind is the biggest sex organ!

 

Anyway, How do I tap into that mind again? You guys answer my questions with questions many times! I need the 411 on the best way to get her thinking of me again! I need some advice. I really think there is still a good chance for us but I need to do the right thing!

 

Should I just keep up on the fake happiness thing? Act as I dont care? Or should I be flirty etc???? She told me a bunch of times she just wants to be happy! need advice guys!

 

 

My advice, go to AA, work on getting your license back, work on being a good dad and stop chasing your wife. Let her go and be happy and find some happiness yourself by getting your life sorted so you can be a healthy individual for yourself, your children and perhaps her one day or even someone else when you are ready. Time to outgrow the high school thinking and learn that responsibility is not just holding down a job to earn a paycheck...it's about being mature enough to keep a woman's love and respect. While things are messed up, you can do something about it if you stop being so concerned about what she is doing and how to "win" this 'competition' you seem to have going.

[hurts_so_bad]

The words in bold... yeah i am now, but like you, i wasn`t at the start of my thread.

 

One thing you have NEVER mentioned...

 

HAS YOUR WIFE SLEPT with the other guy OR was it just `flirtatious` ??? ??????

 

I am assuming she has. Why?

[hurts_so_bad]

Hurts.... on page 33 of this thread now!!...a month and a half almost.

 

Maybe it`s just me?

 

And, without sounding condescending, ( @ MM4 ), Where are you at after all this time?

 

You are still saying the same things now, in the same `mind` frame now, as you were in the start of this thread.

 

When ARE you going to start changing??

OK...so you have said you aren`t dependant on drink... I believe you.

 

You had a few, done something stupid ( i.e drunk drove ) and got caught .

 

But 3 times? didn`t you learn your lesson the 1st time??

 

But you done it again..and got caught...and you done it again...and got caught.....

 

See it from OUR point of view...why we all think YOU have a problem with drink...ok??

 

YOU are the one posting here...not your wife ...YOU.

 

So we ( the ppl that reply ) are trying to help YOU.

 

But the replies you are giving are the same as they are a month ago.

 

When ARE you going to start being proactive??

 

Proactive? I don't know what ur talking about? I am living at my brother in laws cause I cannot afford my own place right now. Besides it helps him with his nt. Apartments.here are atleast $1500 a month. I am doing all I can to survive at this point. I am doing a good job at taking care of myself and not drinking. I have also been reading and trying to keep a positive attitude. Whatvelse can I do?

[dreamingoftigers]

I think what Coop means about being proactive is:

 

1. Picking what direction you are going in (marriage and home life)

2. Taking steps to get going in that direction

3. Anticipate the reactions your wife is going to have

4. Prepare for them

5. Build your own self-esteem to withstand the battering it is going to take while she rejects you 1000 times before she sees that you are consistent with your personal changes and decides to go for it.

[dreamingoftigers]

I would say that 95% of the time "when a woman's done, she's done" is because the guy refuses to honestly change his issues in a way where he isn't a doormat or a dominator.

[dreamingoftigers]

What did you decide about the washing machine btw?

[dreamingoftigers]

NOT drinking...you mention it...yet again....your `taking care of `yoursef`...yet again``

 

DOT, was right on about what i said about proactive

 

You haven`t done ANYTHING to better yourself

 

OR your situation.

 

Quitting drinking, regularly working out and losing weight is a pretty good start.

 

I would say that deleting your online match.com profile would be a good idea.

 

I also think that asking your wife out through your profile was kinda cute. Be that's just me. I guess things wouldn't be any worse if you did.

 

However if you keep it up for any purpose other then that, it's a toxic spore to what's left of the marriage.

[dreamingoftigers]

your `assuming` ?? WHY????????????

 

WHY???

 

You dont know!!!???

 

Why.. you on this forum???

 

Because he's separated, this isn't the infidelity forum.

[dreamingoftigers]

There's a lot I'd like to explain to him AND his wife.

[coopster]

dreaming of `tiggers` . t i dble g eerrrs... please stop quoting me when replying to to the OP !!

[dreamingoftigers]

Sorry bout that. Guess it's done kind of etiquette.

 

Sometimes I will use a post to reflect back on etc.

 

I think most of them, i responded to you, Coop and then reflected to HSB.

[coopster]

There's a lot I'd like to explain to him AND his wife.

 

me too. ABC chart to begin with

[coopster]

Sorry bout that. Guess it's done kind of etiquette.

 

Sometimes I will use a post to reflect back on etc.

 

I think most of them, i responded to you, Coop and then reflected to HSB.

 

im me. never say sorry

[hurts_so_bad]

your `assuming` ?? WHY????????????

 

WHY???

 

You dont know!!!???

 

Why.. you on this forum???

 

I am almost positive she did! Why? I thought I covered this a while back when she told me othing happened with the guy until we were seperated.