Author hurts_so_bad Posted April 17, 2012 Author Share Posted April 17, 2012 HSB, I think you should go and fix the dryer but please don't undo the good work you done on Sunday. Again don't underestimate the progress you've made and how you managed to get through that day without blowing up over the OLD site. You're probably still stinging from that so try and keep your emotions in check before you go instead of using it as way to vent what you wanted to vent on Sunday. I don't think it'll somehow make you too available, let's face it the dryer thing is going on a while now and you've been keeping yourself away from her anyway. I think there's a possibility that she may want to use this opportunity to talk to you about things. So it would be a good idea to at least be prepared for that in the event it happens. Having a clear idea what you want to say, or not say, would be a good plan. dont underestimate the progress? Sure doesnt feel like much progress! Are you speaking of progress with her or myself? If its myself than yes I feel some due to the way I am not looking at things but that only happened this morning. If its with her, Sure wish I could see it! Link to post Share on other sites
soserious1 Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 sorry guys! my head was all over the place earlier! Just took a shower and I am thinking a bit clearer now. I am going to fix the outlet for her tomorrow regardless of whether it helps me with a way back in or not. I have to stop thinking of myself and what I want for once. I just thought of all the **** I ut this girl threw and I realize that she is a bigger victim in all this than I am! 4 arrests threw the years, Alchohol abuse, not coming home many nights, gambling, arguments, probation, her driving me everywhere, etc etc etc....... I thought of it all and I now feel bad for her! I should be thankful she spent so many years with me with what I put her threw! right wrong or indifferent, I am ging up tomorrow to whether it helps or hurts my situation! I feel like the MAN inside me just smacked me in the mouth and it feels great! The biggest victims of all of these behaviors have been your children, instead of focusing on your wife, spend your energy on your kids. Are your kids in family therapy yet? they should be. Link to post Share on other sites
NXS Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 dont underestimate the progress? Sure doesnt feel like much progress! Are you speaking of progress with her or myself? If its myself than yes I feel some due to the way I am not looking at things but that only happened this morning. If its with her, Sure wish I could see it! HSB, I'm talking about the progress you're making within yourself. It's coming through in your posts. This will change your relationship with her one way or another, if one person changes then the other person has to adapt to the changes and treat you differently. Whether this will get you back together or not nobody knows, however don't for one minute think she doesn't notice changes in you. Again, you got through Sunday and managed to do what you set out to do. You can do this again with the dryer, you can go and fix it and be an adult about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted April 17, 2012 Author Share Posted April 17, 2012 HSB, I'm talking about the progress you're making within yourself. It's coming through in your posts. This will change your relationship with her one way or another, if one person changes then the other person has to adapt to the changes and treat you differently. Whether this will get you back together or not nobody knows, however don't for one minute think she doesn't notice changes in you. Again, you got through Sunday and managed to do what you set out to do. You can do this again with the dryer, you can go and fix it and be an adult about it. Thak You nxs I will Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted April 17, 2012 Author Share Posted April 17, 2012 I will be ok..Im actually thinking of going up earlier, fixing the autlet and splitting before she gets home. Think thats the best route! The kids are home much earlier so I can see them and be gone before she comes in Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted April 17, 2012 Author Share Posted April 17, 2012 The biggest victims of all of these behaviors have been your children, instead of focusing on your wife, spend your energy on your kids. Are your kids in family therapy yet? they should be. I dont know..Kids have been acting like nothing is wrong..Is it normal for them to act that way even when things are bothering them? Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 I will be ok..Im actually thinking of going up earlier, fixing the autlet and splitting before she gets home. Think thats the best route! The kids are home much earlier so I can see them and be gone before she comes in I dont know..Kids have been acting like nothing is wrong..Is it normal for them to act that way even when things are bothering them? Actually, going up to fix it before she gets home isn't a bad idea..... As to the kids, to be honest, the more the two of you act as parents and don't put the angst of your relationship on them, the better off they will be. Our son hated therapy...just reminded him how abnormal our lives had been to begin with. His father hated it and refused it because he could never own up to the things that you have started realizing on your own. And this: Here's my suggestion. Learn from the past, but don't live in it. Become a man she can respect. Self-sufficient, independent, and able to take care of himself and those he loves. NOTHING is more attractive to a woman than that. She may not benefit from those changes HSB, my ex went through the motions after he left...he also made promises that he never kept for 10 of our 15 years and I lost respect for him and learned to rely on myself. Today, he is remarried, pretended to change his life "for" another woman....get that..."for". He stopped drinking for two months...then it was just wine...then back to the beer, then back to bringing in a drinking buddy and then back to blackout drunk. When his new wife, who was married to two alcoholics before, has had enough..she throws a fit, slams doors, cabinets and hurls furniture..then she jumps in her car and rides around the block a few times....he, our son and her son all call her Princess. When he has had enough...he texts me and I ignore him. Why?? Because he never learned what Owl just stated above. Don't live in your past...move beyond it so your family can too. Each member of your family, your kids, your wife....and you..hurt at different levels....each are worthy of respect. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted April 18, 2012 Author Share Posted April 18, 2012 Actually, going up to fix it before she gets home isn't a bad idea..... As to the kids, to be honest, the more the two of you act as parents and don't put the angst of your relationship on them, the better off they will be. Our son hated therapy...just reminded him how abnormal our lives had been to begin with. His father hated it and refused it because he could never own up to the things that you have started realizing on your own. And this: She may not benefit from those changes HSB, my ex went through the motions after he left...he also made promises that he never kept for 10 of our 15 years and I lost respect for him and learned to rely on myself. Today, he is remarried, pretended to change his life "for" another woman....get that..."for". He stopped drinking for two months...then it was just wine...then back to the beer, then back to bringing in a drinking buddy and then back to blackout drunk. When his new wife, who was married to two alcoholics before, has had enough..she throws a fit, slams doors, cabinets and hurls furniture..then she jumps in her car and rides around the block a few times....he, our son and her son all call her Princess. When he has had enough...he texts me and I ignore him. Why?? Because he never learned what Owl just stated above. Don't live in your past...move beyond it so your family can too. Each member of your family, your kids, your wife....and you..hurt at different levels....each are worthy of respect. I hear ya Trippi and I have leared that this is not the type of life I want! What got me here was the cause, The wife having had enough was the effect! I am on my way to becomig the man I should have been for a long time I hope one day she can see that and maybe we can work it out. Till then its just me against me! No matter what happens between the wife and I, I will surely be a better husband for someone else if we dont make it. I still have confidence though...Its only been 2 months.Not like its been 2 years! Geez if it comes to that and I am still posting this thred will have like a million posts! Just send me a gun at that point! lol!!!! Anyway, I text my son earlier and told him I will be up around 2 pm to look at the outlet for her. I told him not to eat and too tell his sisters the same. I am going to take them to lunch. Fix the outlet and get out of dodge... I am also dropping off my child support check. I have a fun idea to mess with her, Tell me what you think! I wrote up a bill for 4 hours work at $51.00 a hour then deducted it from the child support check. Its a fake check. The real check will be hidden in which I am going to place post it notes for her to look for it! lol.. What do you think? Truthfully! I think its playful and to break her chops a bit. Thats what she always loved about me..... Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 I like the idea of fixing the outlet and seeing your kids. Being gone before she's home is a good plan. Shorting her money isn't funny...she may be nervous and angry - even if she finds the right and real amount later. She may also cash both checks. Don't risk making her mad now, when you have a chance that you may be making progress. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 Just take your kids to lunch and enjoy the time with them, fix the outlet, leave the check (no notes on the check, with the check...any of that). Keep in mind that the things are not as they used to be, and things you do may not get the reactions you are expecting. This is a stressful time for both of you right now. Oh, and HSB.....some advice, don't ask the kids questions about what Mommy has been up to...etc. Make the lunch about them, not about any anxiety you might have over the separation. You are making good progress on yourself....keep moving your progress forward. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted April 18, 2012 Author Share Posted April 18, 2012 I hear both you guys....sunny she cant cash the fake cause I crossed out the routing number! lol...Im not dumb! If you guys think its best just to be straight forward I will. Just thought it would be cute.....Then again it could be taken the wrong way as if thee is still interest there. Which is actually right but dont wat her too know that! Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 The check games? Not so much. Now, payment in Monopoly money - THAT's hilarious. Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 I have a fun idea to mess with her, Tell me what you think! I wrote up a bill for 4 hours work at $51.00 a hour then deducted it from the child support check. Its a fake check. The real check will be hidden in which I am going to place post it notes for her to look for it! lol.. What do you think? Truthfully! I think its playful and to break her chops a bit. Thats what she always loved about me..... Not a good idea...this is a very sensitive subject with virtually all divorces with children. Even as a joke, there is a hidden message from you that you're not really fixing that receptacle for "free"..there is a message that you owe her. IBEW Local 58 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted April 18, 2012 Author Share Posted April 18, 2012 Here we go again! Emotions running high. Right now I am going to take the kids for lunch and no touching that damn outlet! What's the best thing to do guys? Need ur input..... Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 Fix the outlet, but don't write a note. Just do it and let it go un mentioned. Link to post Share on other sites
Jstub Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 Here we go again! Emotions running high. Right now I am going to take the kids for lunch and no touching that damn outlet! What's the best thing to do guys? Need ur input..... Fix the damn thing and get out before she is there. Don't even mention it - she will notice your gesture and the fact that you are not making a big deal about it will be good for you. Just stop over thinking, it doesn't do you any good! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted April 18, 2012 Author Share Posted April 18, 2012 ok the GFI was bad...The only way I can fix it today is when she gets home from work and taking a ride to home depot. She gets home at 6:30 my bus is at 6:30 and I am not staying. So it looks as if she is going to have to get the outlet at home depot and I will do it another time. Or she can have my friend Jimmy install it for her...But I cant stay late tonight to do it. I wrote her a short note stating so... Link to post Share on other sites
NXS Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 ok the GFI was bad...The only way I can fix it today is when she gets home from work and taking a ride to home depot. She gets home at 6:30 my bus is at 6:30 and I am not staying. So it looks as if she is going to have to get the outlet at home depot and I will do it another time. Or she can have my friend Jimmy install it for her...But I cant stay late tonight to do it. I wrote her a short note stating so... So now she has to go to get a part she probably hasn't a clue what she's looking for and somehow either take the kids or get someone to mind them. Or try and get your friend to do it. Well done. Btw who's looking after the kids? Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted April 18, 2012 Author Share Posted April 18, 2012 Not a good idea...this is a very sensitive subject with virtually all divorces with children. Even as a joke, there is a hidden message from you that you're not really fixing that receptacle for "free"..there is a message that you owe her. IBEW Local 58 IBEW local 3 NYC Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted April 18, 2012 Author Share Posted April 18, 2012 So now she has to go to get a part she probably hasn't a clue what she's looking for and somehow either take the kids or get someone to mind them. Or try and get your friend to do it. Well done. Btw who's looking after the kids? My son watches the girls most times. He is 17 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted April 18, 2012 Author Share Posted April 18, 2012 So now she has to go to get a part she probably hasn't a clue what she's looking for and somehow either take the kids or get someone to mind them. Or try and get your friend to do it. Well done. Btw who's looking after the kids? I got the sacastic roll eys! lol...But What am I supposed to do at this point? I cant fix it unless I have the new GFI...Should I just wait around till she gets home and let her know I am pretty much her handy man? Or should I play the roll that I have to be out of here and cant stay? I dont know...You guys tell me Link to post Share on other sites
NXS Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 I got the sacastic roll eys! lol...But What am I supposed to do at this point? I cant fix it unless I have the new GFI...Should I just wait around till she gets home and let her know I am pretty much her handy man? Or should I play the roll that I have to be out of here and cant stay? I dont know...You guys tell me You've been told, repeatedly, and by numerous posters, what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
NXS Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 My son watches the girls most times. He is 17 I'll respond to this later. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted April 18, 2012 Author Share Posted April 18, 2012 You've been told, repeatedly, and by numerous posters, what to do. Ok, I messed with the reset buttons a few times and got it to work! Its now installed and working! Im getting the hell out of dodge! Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted April 19, 2012 Share Posted April 19, 2012 Good...you got it to work and caught your bus..how are the kids? Link to post Share on other sites
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