2sunny Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 Walk in and state "I'm home"! Don't engage! And don't drink! Do not get into any argument with her!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted March 9, 2012 Author Share Posted March 9, 2012 oh ok. Just have to see how it goes, how she is. Suggest you find something to do. Also, dont sleep on the couch good luck I'm supposed to sleep in our bed? Come on....wouldn't that piss her off more. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 Walk in and state "I'm home"! Don't engage! And don't drink! Do not get into any argument with her!!! 10 characters Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted March 10, 2012 Author Share Posted March 10, 2012 Ok update. I just told her I am home and not leaving. She asjed u just decided to make that decision on Ur own. I said yes and sge stormed off. No argument. She ran up to the bedroom and I have a feeling she is probaably going to disappear for the night. this aunt gonna be easy! Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted March 10, 2012 Author Share Posted March 10, 2012 I hear ya coop...u don't think this move looks desperate on my part? Just hope she doesnt try to have me taken out of the house! I called the local police and they said she can't do anything as long as there is no fighting and my name is on the deed. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 That's exactly right! So dont fight with her. If she disappears, let her for a bit. As long as it takes. Let her do her push/pull thing all over town. You keep doing what you are doing, going to the gym, staying sober AND being upbeat and happy around her and your kids! Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted March 10, 2012 Author Share Posted March 10, 2012 ok will do! were a lot or relationships actually saved this way??? Im just curious I guess Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 Enough that it seems to be the best pattern to follow. Continue 180 on the wife! Pay great attention to the kids. You are the leader of this family. Reclaim that and be their role-model. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted March 10, 2012 Author Share Posted March 10, 2012 ok I will do my best! wish me luck! like I asked last night, you dont think this coming home thing has made me look desperate? Link to post Share on other sites
jaymz Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 No! Doing what she says is desperate. Following the 180 shows you are strong, make your own decisions and are following your path. It feels totally wrong, but it really is the best thing you can do right now for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted March 10, 2012 Author Share Posted March 10, 2012 thanks jaymz Was just curious! Now while I am home should i help around the house? I am acustomed to doing the dishes and things like that. should i still do that? or only if she makes me dinner too? Link to post Share on other sites
happyme Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 Hiya HSB, Just logged on to say my bit In answer to your question... no, I don't think it makes you look desperate, on the contrary, I see it as a very assertive move. However, I can say that, others can say it, but really you yourself must be convinced. I understand you're probably feeling lost right now, and indeed probably quite desperate, but it's important that if you're going to do something, do it and don't doubt. Personally I think stading up for yourself and claiming what is rightfully yours is a good move but YOU need to stand behind it. Your 'energy' at the risk of sounding too airy fairy ... is what will determine your fate. Be confident! My guess is you feel that, somewhere, you owe her due to your past actions. It's easy to blame yourself for her behaviour but it's not going to do you any favours and it is incorrect: she is 100% responsible for her behaviour, as you are for yours. Always. Good luck. Stand tall and be strong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted March 10, 2012 Author Share Posted March 10, 2012 thanks for all the input guys...i do feel much better today was just curious on how you guys thought she would think of the move. i just told her i am moving back in my kids miss me and I miss them! she said, you made the decision on your own without asking me? i said yes. I have the same right you do to be here...this has nothing to do with you and me. its about me and my kids. we dont even have to speak to eachother! Hope thats good in you guys eyes! anyway, i went for a walk earier and picked up some breakfast for me and the kids...not her. she was sitting at the kitchen table for about 10 minutes then went back to the bedroom... you guys were right! i feel much more confident here. i guess its because i belong here! Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 (edited) So I will go back sunday...Now every saturday she goes out and I am just supposed to sit there? not that I am arguing ut where is the balls in that? Yes, go back home! Since the house is in your name - and she cheated - SHE should move! Make her uncomfortable! She's all comfortable and you're freaking out... Start doing opposite! First, don't drink, get to AA meetings and do your step work with a sponsor! Start taking care of your daughter - and yourself! Your W is "out" because she's cheating! Stop wondering - when you wonder, just know she's a cheating tramp- and treat her as such! She's out trying to find new men! Stop being nice to the woman who's ruining YOUR life! Edited March 10, 2012 by 2sunny Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted March 10, 2012 Author Share Posted March 10, 2012 Yes, go back home! Since the house is in your name - and she cheated - SHE should move! Make her uncomfortable! She's all comfortable and you're freaking out... Start doing opposite! First, don't drink, get to AA meetings and do your step work with a sponsor! Start taking care of your daughter - and yourself! Your W is "out" because she's cheating! Stop wondering - when you wonder, just know she's a cheating tramp- and treat her as such! She's out trying to find new men! Stop being nice to the woman who's ruining YOUR life! Thanks for Ur reply to 2funny but Ur not exactly making me feel much better here. If I thought she was a tramp I wouldn't bother trying to work things out with her. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 Thanks for Ur reply to 2funny but Ur not exactly making me feel much better here. If I thought she was a tramp I wouldn't bother trying to work things out with her. So she goes out every Saturday night? Doesn't come home until morning? If that's not a tramp - what is? What is it you think she needs to DO all night long? Think about that... You may want her back - but you may not like it when you find out what she's been doing all night long. NOTHING good happens when a married gal stays out all night long on ANY night. Not from the perspective of "respecting the marriage". Wake up! Look at what's really happening. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted March 10, 2012 Author Share Posted March 10, 2012 If u read my first post u Will see I did tons of bad **** to her for 17 years! This started with her about a month ago. Before then she was always a good wife and mother! I am not saying what she is doing is right but she has all sorts of bad reasons I gave her threw the years. If untime we can work **** out I am willing to forgive and forget. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 So - for now - you can't make her act decent. But IF she's going out - and especially staying out - you have bigger problems than you think! I hope you're not having sex with her! YOU take care of YOU - by doing what is right! Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted March 10, 2012 Author Share Posted March 10, 2012 So - for now - you can't make her act decent. But IF she's going out - and especially staying out - you have bigger problems than you think! I hope you're not having sex with her! YOU take care of YOU - by doing what is right! Nah she's not a skank bro! I know she was seeing a guy at her job after we seperated. I am assuming but don't know for sure if she still is but my son told me she has been home most of the time while I was living elsewhere. The time she went out all night was spite work because I pissed her off. I can't tell u how many times threw the years I did that **** to her! So in my eyes if we can reconcile we both deserve another chance at this. She gave me 3 beautiful kids and her love for a long time and all I did for much of the time was take it for granted. She's a good women.she had 2 heart surgeries within the past 3 years. One if which I couldn't even be at to see her off to the surgery because I had to be in court for a dwi charge t this. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 11, 2012 Share Posted March 11, 2012 (edited) Ok then. Stay! Stay and take as much crap from her as you dished out while drinking. That would be the amends you can make. And call it a good marriage while you're at it, ok? Good luck with that! You think you deserve it - you must. Now own it and take the crap behavior from her like a man. Edited March 11, 2012 by 2sunny 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted March 11, 2012 Author Share Posted March 11, 2012 Ok then. Stay! Stay and take as much crap from her as you dished out while drinking. That would be the amends you can make. And call it a good marriage while you're at it, ok? Good luck with that! You think you deserve it - you must. Now own it and take the crap behavior from her like a man. Ok so now what Ian I supposed to do....I'm getting advice from people first it was do the 180...then it was.move back in to the house. Now its let.her go **** herself! Wtf...you.must have had a real bad breakup huh? Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 11, 2012 Share Posted March 11, 2012 Well - what you're doing isn't working - so the best suggestion is to DO opposite of anything you have done so you get a different result! There are things YOU can change. And when YOU change - it automatically changes things for her. Notice when you didn't bring her breakfast - she would have to DO something for herself? Yep - start doing it THAT way. See what change that brings... Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 11, 2012 Share Posted March 11, 2012 And yes, it was bad, really bad... But it seems much happier for me now. I also haven't had to take a drink for 4 years... No more need to numb the pain I was enduring... Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted March 11, 2012 Author Share Posted March 11, 2012 well i dont know if things are getting better or i am just hoping so...Earlier today i took my daughters to the movies without the wife to see safe house...good movie by the way! Tonight I went to shoot some pool with 3 of my close friends and we had a blast! they all got tanked and I stuck with my sprites! anyway, dreading coming home at around 12:30am figuring not to see her truck. there it was in the driveway. i came in and she was sitting on the couch watching a movie with my daughter. she also probably wanted to see if I came in drunk! there was also dinner sitting in a pan on the stove. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 11, 2012 Share Posted March 11, 2012 Man - you men are easy to manipulate... Glad you had a sober night - good work. Stand firm on doing what's right/best for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts