Call the ex-wife?

[Goldmund2004]

My wife and I separated last September after 4 years of marriage, 1 of living together and 1 of dating--so 6 total, and I did not want the divorce--she pushed it for 4 months mainly because she was just unhappy (other reasons I could give if you ask), but eventually when it seemed inevitable I moved out. She rarely if ever returned any of my calls during the separation, and while I didn't really call her that much it just seems like we just ended it without any closure.

 

I'm paying her spousal maintenance as she worked while I got my MBA and the courts even in Washington tend to equalize things. Despite this, her life sort of fell apart and she moved back in with her parents, and when we had the final mediation session (a mediation at my insistence since it was about $5000 cheaper than a trial) she wouldn't even come in to shake hands or anything. I snuck around the lawyers office during the session (in separate rooms) and got a peak at her on my way back from a bathroom break, and she didn't look good.

 

I'm doing well now, and my life is going really good (I'm not dating or anything and won't even try for several more months, and even then only if someone really amazing somehow comes into my life) but lately I've really been thinking about her. I'm in the best shape of my life, have a powerful relationship with God, and my career is going fabulously--but for some reason I just feel like I need to talk to her if only to make sure she's okay.

 

She had some eating disorders prior to our marriage and was on Paxil the last few years---so in some ways I'm worried about her but I also really do love her even though I don't even occasionally daydream about getting back together. She was a big part of my life and it seems crappy that we would just go through life without ever seeing each other again. So--question--should I call her or just let it go?

[HurtinginVA]

I think you should call, if thats what you want. Me and my soon to be ex talk on an almost daily basis. Granted, we have a son together, but he calls me to see how I am sometimes, and vice versa. If Im having a bad day, I will call him for a pick me up. We were together for 6 years as well, and though we have seperated because of his infidelities, as a person, I still love and care for him and he is my best friend. He knows me better than anyone on this earth, and though he cant be the husband I need, he can be the friend that I need and that means a lot to me. It could mean the same to your exwife.

 

Good Luck

[KimberlyG]

I just divorced my husband this week. I left him and it was a very hard thing to do. He did not want the divorce. I didn't really want it either but my husbands ego was just out of control - he's been more in love with himself than me (Narcissist).

 

During all our problems I was hoping he'd put his ego aside and say he loved me and would do anything for me. Unfortunately he never called, never did anything to convince me to stay until the day before I got the divorce - it wasn't until then he called and called and begged and said all the things I wished he'd said months earlier. It was too late - I gave him a year - he wanted a Stepford Wife and I'm just not Betty Crocker!

 

Call her and speak your mind - get it off your chest then get on with your life.

 

Nothing is more difficult than letting a relationship go when you know it just won't work. I've been a basket case all week - even though I wanted to end it - it's been sad and difficult.

 

I still love my former husband and miss him terribly but it couldn't work between us. I know in the long run getting a divorce saved me a ton of grief! Sometimes you just gotta force yourself to move on with your life. The more you call and try to rekindle something that's already dead will only cause you more pain.

 

Force yourself to get on with your life - it's hard but you can do it! I'm going thru the same thing so don't feel alone!