Bottled up hate. (Sibling problem)

[arukui]

I haven't been on a forum for a long time. But today's an exception. I'm sick of my sibling relationship with my older sister by seven years. All these years I've been thoroughly battered and fried with her verbal harassment, I mean aren't siblings meant to help each other out, care for each other? My example seems to be one of the unfortunate cases.

 

I hate her to the bone. I recall a teacher telling me that hate is a very strong word and shouldn't be used so casually. But I can confirm that it's the exact emotion that fuels me when I try to act (yes act) on friendly terms with her. If not a QA conversation, its one that I can't get off without me ending up angry.

 

In the recent years, I don't think I can even remember a proper conversation with her. We live under the same roof but we just can't get along.

 

She made this sort of rectangular crusty bread once, two trays of it and she was cutting them in square pieces. My mum wanted to bring me a corner piece which was crunchier while I was in my room working. She said "People who don't contribute don't get to choose!" Ironically, her boyfriend who never helps ate the most and my dog got two pieces from her. What the hell am I?! Am I lower than a dog on her hierachy list?

 

Another time was when I happily signed up to a cheap mobile plan with our ISP company. My sis pays them with her credit card and I pay her my half of the bill. I told her about me bargain but did you know what she responded with? "How are you paying for it? With my account?" "No I'm paying under mine." "Then how are you paying for it?" "Ehh... direct debit." "Oh. Okay." The whole gist was that she though I was taking advantage of her while I was paying my plan with my own money.

 

My sis was wanting to buy a certain item on ebay for mum but she'd never used ebay before. I'd been an ebay for well over half a year and decided to give her a helping hand. There was a little confusion with the payment process and she couldn't get the gist of it. So I told her to enquire the ebayer if you want a more certain answer. When I reached for the mouse, she yelled at me "Don't touch the mouse!" Regardless, I still helped her verbally. I helped her set up a paypal account with her credit card. There's a $2 registration fee that you'd need to give, (Paypal returns it back anyway.) but she started questioning me in a strong manner, "Do I get it? Can I spend it?!" Then she refused to listen to me. Over two dollars!"

 

I'm not a financally stable person. In fact, my part-time job pays me very little but I'm determined to give a third of it to my mum as a bit of appreciation for all the support and care she'd give me. But I swear to make it up to her upon my success. On the other hand, my sis gives her several hundred a month and thinks she's the biggest in the house and that she could push me around because she contributes the most and that she's financially supporting mum. The fact is, she lives in the house and what she pays for is strictly for her expenses. She's under the illusion that she's the bread winner. She cooks all the bloody time as a hobby and ultimately her boyfriend is the biggest benefactor while I dry up the rounds of dishes. My mum gets a little whingy about the bills. My sis said, "Isn't that even included in what I give you every month mum?"

 

My mum had an argue over me with her today. My mum said "Don't you want your sister do what she'd studied so hard for like you did with Commerce?" "No I don't like commerce I studied it because it makes the most money." She has to talk back at every little thing. Even when I felt that android tablets are better than ipads. She has a HTC phone because her boyfriend has one. When there are usability problems she'd always go on that her iphone/ipad is better. I asked her, "Have you upgraded to Icecream Sandwich?" She gave me a frown. "What?" "You know, the OS, you're one Honeycomb right? Try ICS." "Yeah, but is it even going to make a difference?" "Well there's sure to be improvement, right?" "I don't care, I'm changing back to an iphone once the contract is over." Then she walked off on me. WTF? You don't even bother giving second chances, nor are you updated with your phone despite the problems, who can you blame when you only complain?!

 

One of the worse things I believe she did was that she was playing on her ipod while mum was in bed awaiting her surgery for pre-cancer removable which she'd been extremely anxious for. I was sitting by her bed cheering her up and comforting while she was on the couch playing stupid games! I so want to snatch the ipod from her crush it with my foot.

 

I swear, I will never be able to like this woman. I don't know what her fiance sees in her. I guess it takes one to know one. I don't like him one bit either. She's very nice to her friends and future in-laws but treats her family like dirt. I can't stand her. Wish she'd hurry up and leave.

 

Conclusion. What kind of sister is this?

[pie2]

I don't think what your experiencing is uncommon at all.

 

It seems that there is a lot of competition going on for your mom's approval, and you might be a little bit sensitive of your sister in some areas (i.e. studying commerce like your sister, her financial stability, her cooking skills). I feel like you're both wanting to show your mom love and support, but you do it in different ways. It seems like your sister has a great ability to get things done and provide, and you are probably really good at spending quality time with others and helping to keep the peace. In other words, I think you both have strengths, and I hope that one day you will be able to recognize her strong suits as something complementary to your life, not something to be scared of and fight off.

 

But it might take time and some distance to gain a more mature perspective on your sister. It might be better for you to move out when you're financially stable. Is that possible?