What is going out with potential fwb?

[Michelle28]

Background Info:

I am 23 and he is 29. We met online through an ad that I posted( no judgments). We both agreed we aren't looking for anything more than some on going fun. We have been talking through text for the past 3 weeks( sometimes everyday, getting to know each other somewhat). We have not met yet but plan to meet for drinks soon to see if we click. We both agreed we are allowed to do whatever we want considering we are safe about it.

 

My Problem:

 

Last night we were texting for a while and the conversation turned sexual( has happened a few times before). We are like 10 mins into it and out of the blue he asks an do quote " is it bad that I had sex this weekend"? I said " no but I hope you used protection, especially if she was a random". He said " she was a co workers friend and yea he uses protection". I told him i had a slip up with an ex recently. I asked home if I had to let him know If I was talking or sleeping with anyone else( I'm not) and he said " it's okay".

 

I am really confused as to why he would ask or even tell me If he had sex with someone else especially since we havent met or done anything yet. I don't know If it was honesty, trying to see if I would get jealous or what? Guys can you please help me out with this one.

[noddingyes]

Hard to say without knowing the guy. Could be he's insecure and looking for approval (is it bad I had sex this weekend?) or, more likely, it could be his way of establishing boundaries between the two of you. He's letting you know he's playing the field and, should you want to proceed with him despite that, he'll know you don't care and he can keep hooking up with whomever whenever the opportunity presents itself and still have you.

 

While I'm not prone to the random hook-up, if I were it's not something I would do...discuss with a potential FWB what I am up to with other women. Seems tacky to me but then again hooking up casually is a bit tacky in and of itself. Not judging, and not implying I'm "above" doing it, just how I feel about it.

Edited February 27, 2012 by noddingyes

[lostboy11]

As the previous poster said, he's testing the limitations of the FWB. He's trying to guage if you have feelings. Maybe he likes you and would like something more than a FWB and this is his way of seeing if he could get a rise out of you. I tend to think it's probably more an insecurity issue because a FWB is by definition, just that and nothing more. He should not have to tell you these things, should he? I think he is probably thinking about having something more with you as I've heard these things often turn out..

[spiderowl]

Firstly, I would suggest you find out a lot more about this guy before getting involved in any way. Is he married? How do you know? Is he who he says he is and does he live where he says he lives? These things might not seem crucial now but they are fundamentals for knowing what kind of person you are dealing with.

 

I think his message was (a) saying he'll want to get sexual when you meet, or as soon as poss. (b) warning you that he's fairly promiscuous and seeing how you react. If you react with shock or badly, then he'll suss that you may be trouble later on when he continues to 'sow his wild oats'.

 

OK, neither of you own each other at this point, if ever, but you might want to think about what ground rules you'd find acceptable in a FWB. I guess if it were me and I was looking for a FWB, I'd prefer someone who clearly wasn't sleeping around and who I knew a lot about first. I'd want to be able to trust them at least to keep me safe from disease, if not emotionally safe in some way.