fortyninethousand322 Posted February 28, 2012 Share Posted February 28, 2012 I'm generalizing, but in my experiences men are a lot more vocal about being single than women. We will express every negative thought and emotion we have. Women are the opposite, they seem to to get sad and depressed and turn it all inward("silently bear it"). IMO society still expects us to be confident, bold, & aggressive. In other words it's are fault if we are inexperienced. In some ways i agree, but not in others. I'm not trying to externalize blame here, clearly I've gone off onto the wrong road somewhere, same thing with SD and some of the other guys on here. But at some point doesn't this become kind of a never ending spiral? I'm figuring most women expect men to be good in bed, or good kissers and confident and able to take charge in relationships, all that good stuff. At some point a mid twenties or older inexperienced guy (be it me, SD, or some of the others) is just not going to fit that bill and we're going to be constantly at the mercy of women. We're not even just talking about sex either. Being in a relationship helps you develop certain interpersonal skills that you can't get from friendships, pet companionship, or family relationships and you can't learn about it from a book either. A guy who hasn't learned this stuff or who has spent a large portion of his adult life single and not learning this stuff is at a significant disadvantage. Women don't want to teach a guy sex, kissing, dating, relationships, and so on. Most want a ready made relationship. Guys like SD, or me and the like just can't give them that. SD is on the right track but he's coming to all the wrong conclusions. Link to post Share on other sites
reallyhotguy Posted February 28, 2012 Share Posted February 28, 2012 Simply because I don't like being attacked. And yet you so often play the victim role, imagine that. I think "what's wrong with somedude" is destructive; what do you think your strengths are? Link to post Share on other sites
Nightsky Posted February 28, 2012 Share Posted February 28, 2012 And yet you so often play the victim role, imagine that. I think "what's wrong with somedude" is destructive; what do you think your strengths are? I really like most of your posts. Don't screw up and post something that makes me regret saying this lol. When I read the title of this thread I though somedude was having fun. I thought he was declaring to all of LS he was single and looking ladies, and options. As if he was telling the LS women to be on watch. Then I was like nope, another thread about how women have it easy and how its all their fault he is in his situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author somedude81 Posted February 28, 2012 Author Share Posted February 28, 2012 I really like most of your posts. Don't screw up and post something that makes me regret saying this lol. When I read the title of this thread I though somedude was having fun. I thought he was declaring to all of LS he was single and looking ladies, and options. As if he was telling the LS women to be on watch. Then I was like nope, another thread about how women have it easy and how its all their fault he is in his situation. I actually don't want to make this thread about me at all. I'm really only concerned with the posts that match the topic. Link to post Share on other sites
Lonely Ronin Posted February 28, 2012 Share Posted February 28, 2012 But at some point doesn't this become kind of a never ending spiral? It can, but it's within your power to stop it. Women don't want to teach a guy sex, kissing, dating, relationships, and so on. Most want a ready made relationship. While I'm sure some women are like this, most are not and my personal experiences and those of my friends (male & female) concur. Everyone regardless of gender has a first, acknowledge it and move on to step 2, Learning what is what. Everyone is different so you need to be very open in regards to learning about your partner in all regards. Continuous learning is the most important thing when it comes to relationships. IMO sex & kissing is very easy to learn. If you're kissing her and her heart starts beating faster, or she starts touching you more, your doing it right for her. During sex, if she likes it most likely she will be come more animated and vocal. If you want to be absolutely sure about her likes, ask. Most women will be thrilled to know you want to know what she likes most. The same thing goes with other parts of a relationship, that is to say communication is key. Many men are to arrogant or proud to truly talk to a women about stuff. They get pissy if she suggests he do something different in bed, or throw out the "I am who I am" bs when she asks him to be more considerate about something outside the bedroom. I'm not saying be a door mat, but don't be a brick wall either. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted February 28, 2012 Share Posted February 28, 2012 There is a huge spectrum between 'knowing without a doubt that no one is interested in you', and being able to 'name a few people who are'. I don't think ANYONE, yes, not even you, SD, knows the former 'without a doubt'. For all you know, there are women interested in you, they just don't show it (or perhaps don't show up on your radar as women because they are overweight, older than you like, etc). Equally so, perhaps there are men interested in the single ladies who are too shy to ask them out. On the other hand, I certainly know a few women IRL who are not able to name a man who is currently professing to be interested in having a relationship with her. Link to post Share on other sites
reallyhotguy Posted February 28, 2012 Share Posted February 28, 2012 I actually don't want to make this thread about me at all. I'm really only concerned with the posts that match the topic. Allow me to clarify for you the topic of this thread: How many single and looking ladies out there (yourself or somebody you know) have zero options. Meaning, you know without a doubt that there are no men who want to date you or her. ---- This issue is my pet peeve and seems to get me the most hate on this forum. So [I designed] this thread to make things clear once and for all. My belief is that every woman who is single, can name a few guys off the top of her head who want a relationship (not sex) with her. Surprise me. Link to post Share on other sites
NoMagicBullet Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 How many single and looking ladies out there (yourself or somebody you know) have zero options. Meaning, you know without a doubt that there are no men who want to date you or her. ---- This issue is my pet peeve and seems to get me the most hate on this forum. So this thread is designed to make things clear once and for all. My belief is that every woman who is single, can name a few guys off the top of her head who want a relationship (not sex) with her. Surprise me. Right now, zero for me. I almost said one, but he just wants sex, so he doesn't meet the criteria. Actually, I can think of more than one who just wants sex.... Hmm, I have a single female friend who also has zero relationship prospects now. So add two to your count. Link to post Share on other sites
FrustratedStandards Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 There are many men who want a relationship with either me or my girlfriends. What's the problem? They're not attractive. That's why they are friends. To be more specific, 3 for me, 2 for one of my girlfriends, 3 for another one of my girlfriends. Link to post Share on other sites
Author somedude81 Posted February 29, 2012 Author Share Posted February 29, 2012 There are many men who want a relationship with either me or my girlfriends. What's the problem? They're not attractive. That's why they are friends. To be more specific, 3 for me, 2 for one of my girlfriends, 3 for another one of my girlfriends. I appreciate your honesty. Also, I'm pretty sure that there is actually nothing wrong with the guys, they just aren't hot enough for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Imageiko Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 I appreciate your honesty. Also, I'm pretty sure that there is actually nothing wrong with the guys, they just aren't hot enough for you. Of course not, because if there was something they could improve on to become more datable then that would burst the comfortable self hating bubble you live in. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author somedude81 Posted February 29, 2012 Author Share Posted February 29, 2012 Of course not, because if there was something they could improve on to become more datable then that would burst the comfortable self hating bubble you live in. Huh? She just said that they were not attractive and that's why they are friends. Scroll up, you can still read her post. Link to post Share on other sites
NoMagicBullet Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 I missed this earlier, but I agree: I'm generalizing, but in my experiences men are a lot more vocal about being single than women. We will express every negative thought and emotion we have. Women are the opposite, they seem to to get sad and depressed and turn it all inward("silently bear it"). It's been both my observation and experience that many women will not let on when they feel sad and depressed about being single. There's so much hype and insistence that we "be happy being single" that most of us pretend to be when we're not. Or after a while women get so jaded from lousy relationships, they see no other options than to be single and just shut up and bear it. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 There are many men who want a relationship with either me or my girlfriends. What's the problem? They're not attractive. That's why they are friends. To be more specific, 3 for me, 2 for one of my girlfriends, 3 for another one of my girlfriends. I appreciate your honesty. Also, I'm pretty sure that there is actually nothing wrong with the guys, they just aren't hot enough for you. The value of physical looks and attraction is oftentimes underestimated while the value of personality is overestimated on LS because it's more "politically correct" to value someone's personality, even on an anonymous internet forum... If you look out in the real world, physical attraction is more often than not the key to getting noticed... But that is merely my opinion... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 The value of physical looks and attraction is oftentimes underestimated while the value of personality is overestimated on LS because it's more "politically correct" to value someone's personality, even on an anonymous internet forum... If you look out in the real world, physical attraction is more often than not the key to getting noticed... But that is merely my opinion... Isn't that the truth! It is the beauty that catches the eye and personality that helps keep them. Link to post Share on other sites
FrustratedStandards Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 Isn't that the truth! It is the beauty that catches the eye and personality that helps keep them. Yes!!! Exactly! That is why I don't understand how some people are so condescending to those who don't value personality exclusively. Out of spite they walk around looking like crap and then blame women for being too shallow for not giving them a chance. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 That is why I don't understand how some people are so condescending to those who don't value personality exclusively. Out of spite they walk around looking like crap and then blame women for being too shallow for not giving them a chance. People are generally most condescending towards that which they either do not possess or understand... For example, I think people who like to talk politics are huge douches because I have no deep interest, knowledge, or understanding of politics...it's just human nature...and I am accepting of it... Hell, I'm still bitter when it comes to this topic of looks v. personality...I spent my life believing that I don't possess servicable looks, so I have a condescending attitude towards good looking people and assume they have no personality...it's just human nature to be jealous of things we are insecure about and hate on them... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Titania22 Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 My belief is that every woman who is single, can name a few guys off the top of her head who want a relationship (not sex) with her. I don't know any guys who want a relationship with me. If they exist they haven't let me know. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 Yes!!! Exactly! That is why I don't understand how some people are so condescending to those who don't value personality exclusively. Out of spite they walk around looking like crap and then blame women for being too shallow for not giving them a chance. So for the folks you're talking about here (myself included), they are tempered to rely on their personalities to attract women, so if women use anything other than personality (i.e., physical looks) to judge attractiveness, then these men will instinctively go on the offensive and attack the women's character to prop themselves back up. I know this because I do this myself... Link to post Share on other sites
FrustratedStandards Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 People are generally most condescending towards that which they either do not possess or understand... For example, I think people who like to talk politics are huge douches because I have no deep interest, knowledge, or understanding of politics...it's just human nature...and I am accepting of it... Hell, I'm still bitter when it comes to this topic of looks v. personality...I spent my life believing that I don't possess servicable looks, so I have a condescending attitude towards good looking people and assume they have no personality...it's just human nature to be jealous of things we are insecure about and hate on them... I like you. The fact that you can admit this shows that you aren't condescending at all, you just acknowledge that you're a little insecure about your looks. Believe it or not, that's a very sexy quality. If only all men could talk like that... Link to post Share on other sites
Nightsky Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 The value of physical looks and attraction is oftentimes underestimated while the value of personality is overestimated on LS because it's more "politically correct" to value someone's personality, even on an anonymous internet forum... If you look out in the real world, physical attraction is more often than not the key to getting noticed... But that is merely my opinion... Attraction is very important, the most important when it comes to dating. Its not all strictly the way a person looks. It's the way they move and carry themselves. Its the way they speak and the things they say. The way they smile. Yes attraction is very important. Just because you hold a door open and are polite doesn't make you automaticly attractive. Dating and jobs are two very different things. But for analogy purposes I’ll compare them. A job hires people to make money. Well at least if the world were logical. So a job won’t just hire some one because they want the job. A job will hire some one who fits the requirements of working there and making the business profitable. Same goes for dating the point is to be with some one you are attracted to, so to just go out with some one because they happen to be willing when you feel no attraction and don’t believe it will ever be there is pointless. People though are predictably irrational so just like jobs the rules don’t always work that way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FrustratedStandards Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 (edited) So for the folks you're talking about here (myself included), they are tempered to rely on their personalities to attract women, so if women use anything other than personality (i.e., physical looks) to judge attractiveness, then these men will instinctively go on the offensive and attack the women's character to prop themselves back up. I know this because I do this myself... Well don't. It's a really stupid thing to do. We can sense this defensiveness and it's not attractive. I think that's what makes you unapproachable. Your insecurity tells you it's your looks, but it's actually your insecurity that is unattractive. Edited February 29, 2012 by FrustratedStandards Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 Well don't. It's a really stupid thing to do. Well no sh*t... We can sense this defensiveness and it's not attractive. I think that's what makes you more unapproachable then your looks. Probably... Link to post Share on other sites
FrustratedStandards Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 Attraction is very important, the most important when it comes to dating. Its not all strictly the way a person looks. It's the way they move and carry themselves. Its the way they speak and the things they say. The way they smile. This. Often times we can see a person and we aren't sure if they are attractive or not. That's where personality comes in. The insecure guy will be defensive, whereas the confident guy can grow from okay to sexy. This is where the difference lies and a lot of men are in this category. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 Your insecurity tells you it's your looks, but it's actually your insecurity that is unattractive. I didn't see your edit, but this is quite elegant in its simplicity... Link to post Share on other sites
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