Don't want to get over her

[Teknoe]

Hmm I wasn't fully aware of your story.

 

Here's the thing Teknoe. When you were trying to recover, did you have somebody constantly trying to climb on your back and tell you what to do?

 

No, because I didn't post on any boards about Tami in 2009. It goes with the territory. If you post how much you're hurting, people will naturally try to supply you with some potential solutions. The longer you post about your hurts, and the more people feel like you're not accepting any of their advice, the more frustrated they become. Their posts then seem "harsh" but is usually written in love (tough love).

 

 

As much as it much sucks to hear, you aren't helping me. More often than not, your posts frustrate me. Is that what you want to accomplish?

 

Now that I can see where you coming from I can understand what you are doing. But your approach is all wrong.

 

Very well. I understand and will do my best to modify my behavior to suit your needs. Perhaps you can do the same, as well.

 

See, what if I made it all about ME, and put my needs first? Then I wouldn't change for you. That's what you're doing with D. You don't want to change, but you expect the world to change to suit your needs. Don't you find that hypocritical?

 

What are your thoughts on that?

 

Why do you get to be hell-bent on doing what you want with D regardless of how she might feel, but others CANNOT be hell-bent on doing what they want with YOU regardless of how you might feel about it?

Seriously, that is a good question for you to ponder. I'd like to hear your thoughts on that.

 

 

I've never spent any money on her. Never bought her anything. The most I did was give her an old game I didn't play anymore and burn her a DVD of a Ninja Turtles movie that I downloaded. Both were things I would have done for a guy friend.

 

Long ago I realized that spending money on or giving things to girl isn't going to get her to like me if she didn't already.

 

Money wasn't my point.

 

You missed that.

 

Read it again.

 

My point was, several months after she cut me out of her life, I attempted to re-establish contact. It bombed.

 

The same will happen if you try to re-establish contact with D.

 

That's my point. It's not about gifts or $$$ here. It's about crawling back to a girl who already wrote you out of her life.

 

That's why we've been telling you NOT to approach D again. It will not end well if you do. Personally, I speak from experience.

[somedude81]

See, what if I made it all about ME, and put my needs first? Then I wouldn't change for you. That's what you're doing with D. You don't want to change, but you expect the world to change to suit your needs. Don't you find that hypocritical?

 

What are your thoughts on that?

 

Why do you get to be hell-bent on doing what you want with D regardless of how she might feel, but others CANNOT be hell-bent on doing what they want with YOU regardless of how you might feel about it?

Seriously, that is a good question for you to ponder. I'd like to hear your thoughts on that.

My thoughts.

 

You are completely ignoring my needs and I have repeatedly told you to back off.

 

You are encroaching on me much more than I have ever done or will do on D.

 

Money wasn't my point.

 

You missed that.

 

Read it again.

Sorry, the way I read it, it seemed that you were trying to bribe her back into your life. I saw the fact that you spent money on her as the point.

 

The way you said "sound familiar" made it seem as if I had done something like that.

[Teknoe]

You are completely ignoring my needs and I have repeatedly told you to back off.

 

You are encroaching on me much more than I have ever done or will do on D.

 

That's debateable. The fact is I haven't done anything to violate LoveShack's rules. By posting on a message board you're allowing yourself to receive feedback and even (constructive) criticism. Otherwise, post on a blog. This is a public forum. It's like you signing up to play in the NFL but expecting not to be tackled. It goes with the territory.

 

Sorry, the way I read it, it seemed that you were trying to bribe her back into your life. I saw the fact that you spent money on her as the point.

 

The way you said "sound familiar" made it seem as if I had done something like that.

 

Not a problem. An honest mistake on your part. I do hope however that you now understand my point. Whether I tried to bribe Tami back into my life or not, the point remains: you're trying to re-establish contact with D which was what I tried doing with Tami.

 

It didn't end well for me, and it won't end well for you, either.

 

Are you still determined to follow through with bumping into her, though?

 

Good luck.

[PlumPrincess]

The way she ended things was not mutual.

You remind me of myself years ago... Breakups are usually not mutual and not something you are in control of. If someone decides that you are not the one for them, that's it. If someone decides to cut you out of your life it's possible that they are not worth it (cheaters, *******s, cowards, etc. many people just run away, because they don't want to deal with the confrontation). It's also possible that you exhausted their patience and that's why they are taking more radial steps. Most people on this board who read your posts make an educated guess about the situation, about your character and her character, based on these posts, and assumes that it's the second option. Yes, she could have sat down with you and explain her situation to you, but she chose to think of herself first. Or maybe she had tried to do it a couple of times and you never wanted to listen. It doesn't matter though. You can't force people to do things that you like. You have to learn to accept that people do not always behave at their best. It still doesn't mean that she is a bad person per se.

 

If we could have dated like I wanted to, I would be in a much better place. And I'm sure she would be happy too because I know that she's a very solitary person. All she had to do was let go.

I used to think something similar about the other guy and it took me years to get over him. You have to let go of this thought. Right now, it's obvious that you have no understanding of yourself or that girl. You have no idea what she really wants. And issues like that are a bottomless pit. You think you will be happy when you get what you want, but it will never be enough. Your demands and insecurities are endless, because you haven't learned that they come from within you and nothing will satisfy them eventually, but you.

 

I'm the kind of person who wants certainty, so I understand your need to get a reply. So I'd say, go and do everything you can to get her back. You will fail and you will feel miserable, and hopefully you will learn from it and not do it again. I saw this joke once where someone said that mistakes make you learn and that that was the reason why they were making so many mistakes as fast as possible. I used to beat myself up for any mistake I made, but now failures are another step towards more understanding.

Edited March 9, 2012 by PlumPrincess

[somedude81]

You remind me of myself years ago... Breakups are usually not mutual and not something you are in control of. If someone decides that you are not the one for them, that's it. If someone decides to cut you out of your life it's possible that they are not worth it (cheaters, *******s, cowards, etc. many people just run away, because they don't want to deal with the confrontation). It's also possible that you exhausted their patience and that's why they are taking more radial steps. Most people on this board who read your posts make an educated guess about the situation, about your character and her character, based on these posts, and assumes that it's the second option.

I think it's a combination, she's a coward and wants to avoid confrontation. And I exhausted her patience, I think the fight we had, had a much bigger impact on her than she let on. I guess it was the last straw.

 

Yes, she could have sat down with you and explain her situation to you, but she chose to think of herself first. Or maybe she had tried to do it a couple of times and you never wanted to listen. It doesn't matter though. You can't force people to do things that you like. You have to learn to accept that people do not always behave at their best. It still doesn't mean that she is a bad person per se.

I really wish she would have sat down with me and talked, everything would have gone much smoother. She never attempted to.

 

Though you are right that I need to learn and accept that people don't always choose what I think is the best action.

 

 

 

 

I used to think something similar about the other guy and it took me years to get over him. You have to let go of this thought. Right now, it's obvious that you have no understanding of yourself or that girl. You have no idea what she really wants.

You're right, I have no understanding at all of what she wants. She always says that she's not interested in dating (not just not wanting to date me but anybody) and that doesn't make any sense to me at all. How could somebody not see the benefits? If she doesn't want to be official GF/BF then FWB would be acceptable. But she didn't seem to have any interest in sex. Just a non-curious virgin.

 

The last thing I want her to do is to sleep with a guy who would pump and dump her. It would just screw her up.

 

 

And issues like that are a bottomless pit. You think you will be happy when you get what you want, but it will never be enough. Your demands and insecurities are endless, because you haven't learned that they come from within you and nothing will satisfy them eventually, but you.

That's something I never never agree with.

 

I need to experience being in a real relationship first before I can take anybodies word that it will not be enough. Let me find out for myself. It's just like having to let kids hurt themselves so they know not to do it again.

I'm the kind of person who wants certainty, so I understand your need to get a reply. So I'd say, go and do everything you can to get her back. You will fail and you will feel miserable, and hopefully you will learn from it and not do it again. I saw this joke once where someone said that mistakes make you learn and that that was the reason why they were making so many mistakes as fast as possible. I used to beat myself up for any mistake I made, but now failures are another step towards more understanding.

Thanks, that's exactly what I feel I need to do.

 

The miserable feeling will not last and the uncertainty that's been taking over my head will disappear. Even if she refuses to talk to me then I can just convince myself that she's a bitch and that should remove any desire.

[somedude81]

Another thread started talking about astro signs and compatibility. So for the hell of it I ran ours. The results were, surprising.

 

Sexual Compatibility Virgo and Capricorn

 

Both share an amazing ability to communicate and understand one another. Their conversations get better over time and so does the relationship. They will understand each other’s goals and hopes for the future. These two will support each other through good times and bad. They will provide each other with what the other person instinctively needs and desires sexually. Sexual and romantic compatibility will be explosive. You can’t go wrong with this astrological combination, period. Strong feelings and loyalty will keep these two together. Amazing sex and falling in love often result with this combination. The prognosis for a long-term involvement is excellent. A home and family could develop over time.

 

Virgo Man and Capricorn Woman This is a perfect dating pair! The Capricorn woman and Virgo man complement each other in every way and love is inevitable. The Capricorn woman is refined and will appreciate her Virgo man’s innate sense of discrimination. He in turn will value her sense of responsibility and duty. Dating can become a creative venture for them and this pair truly can accomplish anything together. The sex will be mentally and physically stimulating as well as long lasting! Neither the Capricorn woman nor the Virgo man will stop until they’ve reached perfect ecstasy together.

Compatibility Rating: ****

 

ROFL

 

 

Though she may be a Sagittarius because I can't remember her exact birthday. I know it's December 20 something. I think it's 21, 22 or 23.

Edited March 9, 2012 by somedude81

[jobaba]

 

That's something I never never agree with.

 

I need to experience being in a real relationship first before I can take anybodies word that it will not be enough. Let me find out for myself. It's just like having to let kids hurt themselves so they know not to do it again.

Thanks, that's exactly what I feel I need to do.

 

The miserable feeling will not last and the uncertainty that's been taking over my head will disappear. Even if she refuses to talk to me then I can just convince myself that she's a bitch and that should remove any desire.

 

I have news for you. Even if you get a woman, you will still be thinking about the first one. You got it BAD man. We're not talking about a little crush.

 

Here's what I propose.

 

Keep looking for women, but give this first woman one last shot. After all, if you're into her THIS much, who knows if you will ever feel that way about someone ever again. Take a shot. Maybe she's had time to think about it.

 

If you lose again, you're right back where you started.

 

Another woman will ease the pain a lot. So look for that as well.