Don't want to get over her

[somedude81]

Wow, I only had to wait about 10 minutes to see a girl go by that matches what I remember. I'd say it's about a 90% chance it's her, It would be easier to tell if she didn't have her hood up, but the fact that she has the hood on her hoodie up when it's a bright and sunny day is a good sign that it's her.

 

So Monday next week I'll try to run into her.

 

After that, who knows.

[Teknoe]

^ Do you know how creepy that sounds to people who are reading it?

 

I mean, do you SEE the level of creepiness in your actions?

 

Or do you see it as completely standard, non-creepy protocol?

 

A girl who was never your girlfriend, never wanted to be your GF, who was pushed to the brink of her madness 2+ months ago and told you to butt out of her life... now you're stalking her from afar in the hopes to plan some sort of "accidental bump-in" to see whether she'd acknowledge you or not... come on man. Think clearly through this. Not only is it desperate and creepy, but it's definitely NOT something a healthy person would do.

 

I understand you're hurtin' like hell, you're confused, you want closure, but please stop and don't be a bull in a china shop about this. You're being VERY selfish. It's all about what YOU want. The girl moved on long ago.

 

You need to as well.

[somedude81]

Good ole Teknoe.

 

I can always count on you.

 

And yeah, it's all about what I want at this point. I thought that was obvious.

[tman666]

So Monday next week I'll try to run into her.

 

This will end poorly, my friend. Don't be surprised if the cops get involved at some point if you continue much further down this kind of path (stalking).

 

Like others have said, put yourself in her shoes. She finally got the courage to tell you off and move on. How would you feel if you just happened to "run into" into someone you had to forcibly remove from your life?

 

Aside from how it could affect her, think of the repercussions for your own life. At the bare minimum, you're putting your already tenuously fragile self esteem on the line. Take it a step further and you're risking a possible felony criminal record.

 

If you want your life to ever improve, you need to wake up. I truly hope you'll seek and find the help you desperately need. You have so many people on here trying to help you by giving great advice, but unless you grab the rope and do your part to pull yourself out of this hole, there's nothing that any of us can do.

 

And quite frankly, I think it's unfair to treat the people who care about you the way you do. I'm sure your family would be dismayed to hear about your most recent mindset. Even though we don't know you, I'd be a liar to say that I don't care about what ultimately happens to Somedude81. There are a lot of people, including myself, that would love to see you take even small steps forward.

 

Just think this through. Try to step out of your own head and emotions for a little while and employ the logical steps to take here.

[somedude81]

This will end poorly, my friend. Don't be surprised if the cops get involved at some point if you continue much further down this kind of path (stalking).

Cops involved? Stalking?

 

 

Today I was sitting at an area on campus that has tables having a snack and she walked by down the sidewalk about 100 feet or so from where I was.

 

On Monday I'm planning on waiting at the bus stop that she'll walk in front of. I take the bus from that stop everyday just not at that time. Frankly, if she went down that path an hour later everyday instead of at 10, I would have run into her on campus by now.

 

Is any of that considered stalking?

 

Like others have said, put yourself in her shoes. She finally got the courage to tell you off and move on. How would you feel if you just happened to "run into" into someone you had to forcibly remove from your life?

Finally got the courage?

 

Yeah right. She half-assed it. A text message telling me that she thinks we shouldn't hang out anymore. When I asked why, I got the BS answer that we don't get along. We both knew that was a lie. When I told her that we obviously get along or else we wouldn't have spent so much time together, she told me that her reasons are her own and none of my business. And that's the last thing I ever got out of her.

 

When I later sent more texts asking if she could clarify or was wiling to talk, she ignored them and never got back to me.

 

Aside from how it could affect her, think of the repercussions for your own life. At the bare minimum, you're putting your already tenuously fragile self esteem on the line. Take it a step further and you're risking a possible felony criminal record.

Felony criminal record? What the fu*k are you talking about?!

 

And quite frankly, I think it's unfair to treat the people who care about you the way you do. I'm sure your family would be dismayed to hear about your most recent mindset.

She is somebody who I deeply cared for. And I still care about her. But she got me very angry.

 

All I wanted to do was spend time with her and she took that away without even telling me why.

 

Just think this through. Try to step out of your own head and emotions for a little while and employ the logical steps to take here.

Honestly, I expect her to be pretty cold to me if I talk to her.

 

I'm wondering how I should play it.

 

One thing that I realized, is that for me to get over her, I need to get mad at her and that should kill all hope and desire. Also, a part of me wants her to get mad at me but for a reason that I can understand and accept.

 

Ideally I'd want to exchange a few pleasantries and talk for a minute. Just very brief.

 

If she's unwilling, I'll call her on it and probably start an argument.

 

I know it sounds petty to even think about starting a fight with her and potentially ruining her day but my feelings are strong and it feels like something I need to do. She's not exactly innocent either. If she let me have some form of closure back in November, I wouldn't even be in this mess now.

[tman666]

 

Cops involved? Stalking?

 

 

Today I was sitting at an area on campus that has tables having a snack and she walked by down the sidewalk about 100 feet or so from where I was.

 

On Monday I'm planning on waiting at the bus stop that she'll walk in front of. I take the bus from that stop everyday just not at that time. Frankly, if she went down that path an hour later everyday instead of at 10, I would have run into her on campus by now.

 

Is any of that considered stalking?

 

Forgive me if I misunderstood, but from your posts, it sounds like you're trying to strategically place yourself in areas that you'll be able to observe her movements and eventually approach her. It's not like you were just minding your own business. I'm not a cop or a lawyer, but I'm pretty sure that you're already borderline stalking her. Again, maybe I'm just a complete dumb**** here, but you might want to read up on your state's legal definition of stalking and harassment before proceeding further.

 

 

Finally got the courage?

 

Yeah right. She half-assed it. A text message telling me that she thinks we shouldn't hang out anymore. When I asked why, I got the BS answer that we don't get along. We both knew that was a lie. When I told her that we obviously get along or else we wouldn't have spent so much time together, she told me that her reasons are her own and none of my business. And that's the last thing I ever got out of her.

 

When I later sent more texts asking if she could clarify or was wiling to talk, she ignored them and never got back to me.

 

Everything you've told LS about this girl leads me to believe that her telling you off (even in the "half assed" manner that she did) took a lot of willpower for her to do. From the way you've described her personality, I'd go to Vegas on the assumption that she was probably WAY past the point of of never wanting to see you again by the time she acted. Sorry to be harsh, but I call them like I see them.

 

Felony criminal record? What the fu*k are you talking about?!

 

Again, read up on your state's laws regarding harassment and stalking...

 

She is somebody who I deeply cared for. And I still care about her. But she got me very angry.

 

All I wanted to do was spend time with her and she took that away without even telling me why.

 

Honestly, I expect her to be pretty cold to me if I talk to her.

 

I'm wondering how I should play it.

 

One thing that I realized, is that for me to get over her, I need to get mad at her and that should kill all hope and desire. Also, a part of me wants her to get mad at me but for a reason that I can understand and accept.

 

Ideally I'd want to exchange a few pleasantries and talk for a minute. Just very brief.

 

If she's unwilling, I'll call her on it and probably start an argument.

 

I know it sounds petty to even think about starting a fight with her and potentially ruining her day but my feelings are strong and it feels like something I need to do. She's not exactly innocent either. If she let me have some form of closure back in November, I wouldn't even be in this mess now.

 

Then get mad at her in private. Burn her photos. Curse her name to the universe. Confronting her in public is absolutely the one of the worst ways to go about this.

[PlumPrincess]

Cops involved? Stalking?

 

 

Today I was sitting at an area on campus that has tables having a snack and she walked by down the sidewalk about 100 feet or so from where I was.

 

On Monday I'm planning on waiting at the bus stop that she'll walk in front of. I take the bus from that stop everyday just not at that time. Frankly, if she went down that path an hour later everyday instead of at 10, I would have run into her on campus by now.

 

Is any of that considered stalking?

 

Finally got the courage?

 

Yeah right. She half-assed it. A text message telling me that she thinks we shouldn't hang out anymore. When I asked why, I got the BS answer that we don't get along. We both knew that was a lie. When I told her that we obviously get along or else we wouldn't have spent so much time together, she told me that her reasons are her own and none of my business. And that's the last thing I ever got out of her.

 

When I later sent more texts asking if she could clarify or was wiling to talk, she ignored them and never got back to me.

 

Felony criminal record? What the fu*k are you talking about?!

 

She is somebody who I deeply cared for. And I still care about her. But she got me very angry.

 

All I wanted to do was spend time with her and she took that away without even telling me why.

 

Honestly, I expect her to be pretty cold to me if I talk to her.

 

I'm wondering how I should play it.

 

One thing that I realized, is that for me to get over her, I need to get mad at her and that should kill all hope and desire. Also, a part of me wants her to get mad at me but for a reason that I can understand and accept.

 

Ideally I'd want to exchange a few pleasantries and talk for a minute. Just very brief.

 

If she's unwilling, I'll call her on it and probably start an argument.

 

I know it sounds petty to even think about starting a fight with her and potentially ruining her day but my feelings are strong and it feels like something I need to do. She's not exactly innocent either. If she let me have some form of closure back in November, I wouldn't even be in this mess now.

You can't argue someone into liking you. Pushing someone to like you, may feel good for you, because you're seeing a certain goal that you want to reach. It fuels your desire and it alerts your senses, but to her it felt as if you were just causing her trouble and hurting her feelings. You were draining her energy with your complaints.

 

Maybe I'm projecting to much of my own experiences on you, but there's a lot in your post that I recognize.

[carhill]

OP, one day you will get over her and laugh at yourself for your foolishness and smile at the joy of being released from this prison of unhealthy love. Pray it doesn't take you as long as it did me. On second thought, just pray. It can help. Good luck.

[somedude81]

Forgive me if I misunderstood, but from your posts, it sounds like you're trying to strategically place yourself in areas that you'll be able to observe her movements and eventually approach her. It's not like you were just minding your own business. I'm not a cop or a lawyer, but I'm pretty sure that you're already borderline stalking her. Again, maybe I'm just a complete dumb**** here, but you might want to read up on your state's legal definition of stalking and harassment before proceeding further.

And how the heck is that considered stalking or harassment?

 

She doesn't have a restraining order against me and she hasn't actually told me to leave her alone either.

 

Seriously, what is she going to do if I approach her while I'm waiting for the bus? Scream "rape"?

 

Everything you've told LS about this girl leads me to believe that her telling you off (even in the "half assed" manner that she did) took a lot of willpower for her to do. From the way you've described her personality, I'd go to Vegas on the assumption that she was probably WAY past the point of of never wanting to see you again by the time she acted. Sorry to be harsh, but I call them like I see them.

That may be true.

 

It should be obvious that I don't understand women. And frankly I'm tried of learning about them by what I read online. This is something I want to experience.

 

IMO, if she's that mad at me, she can tell it to my face. Hell, that's even if she has an actual reason to be mad.

 

Then get mad at her in private. Burn her photos. Curse her name to the universe.

What do you think I've been doing these past months?

 

All it's been doing is building up anger.

 

Confronting her in public is absolutely the one of the worst ways to go about this.

Why?

 

What do you think will happen?

[tman666]

What do you think will happen?

 

I'd say there's a 75% chance she'll ignore you. Are you really willing to chase her down the street saying "hey! hey! pay attention to me!" You'll feel like a complete failure in life, and she'll be going "what the **** is wrong with this guy?"

 

In the off chance she DOES acknowledge you in a moment of weakness, you can probably count on having a very forced, awkward, and short conversation that makes her think "what the **** is wrong with this guy??" and will resolve nothing for you. You'll feel like a complete failure in life, and continue to spiral downward.

 

I'm trying to talk you out of having to hit rock bottom here, dude. Maybe that's what will ultimately happen. I'm not the controller of the universe. If I were you though, I'd be very careful about putting my dignity on the line in such a way.

[somedude81]

You can't argue someone into liking you. Pushing someone to like you, may feel good for you, because you're seeing a certain goal that you want to reach. It fuels your desire and it alerts your senses, but to her it felt as if you were just causing her trouble and hurting her feelings. You were draining her energy with your complaints.

 

Maybe I'm projecting to much of my own experiences on you, but there's a lot in your post that I recognize.

I know I can't argue her into liking me.

 

My goal is to be super pleasant and understanding then hopefully we can start talking again.

 

If we do go down the argument path, it would give me a reason to hate her and burn her from my mind.

 

You are right that there is the goal. I see her as an unfinished project. I can't stop until it's completed or it becomes so screwed up that it becomes unsalvageable. Basically all my crushes ended with the later. I'm used to things ending after a big fight. That's how I know it's over and I have no desire to see her again. That never happened with her.

 

I'm not sure where you get the idea that I was complaining to her. All I ever wanted to do was show her a good time.

OP, one day you will get over her and laugh at yourself for your foolishness and smile at the joy of being released from this prison of unhealthy love. Pray it doesn't take you as long as it did me. On second thought, just pray. It can help. Good luck.

I've gotten over many girls and have never laughed at myself thinking I was foolish. Maybe that's because I still have the same mentality now that I did back then.

 

So maybe I will be able to laugh at this later on when I move to a happier plane.

[somedude81]

I'd say there's a 75% chance she'll ignore you. Are you really willing to chase her down the street saying "hey! hey! pay attention to me!" You'll feel like a complete failure in life, and she'll be going "what the **** is wrong with this guy?"

Pretty much.

 

If I see her walking by, I'll go up to her and say hi and I'll most likely be in a good mood as seeing her always makes me excited. If she tries to ignore me when I'm standing right in front of her, I'll make a joke and call her on it. In the unlikely event that she still tries to ignore me, then I'll get mad.

 

In the off chance she DOES acknowledge you in a moment of weakness, you can probably count on having a very forced, awkward, and short conversation that makes her think "what the **** is wrong with this guy??" and will resolve nothing for you. You'll feel like a complete failure in life, and continue to spiral downward.

All I'm even hoping for is a short awkward conversation. My whole goal is to break the ice.

 

Then I'll be at the same place a couple of days later and try to talk to her then or set up a time when we can.

 

I'm trying to talk you out of having to hit rock bottom here, dude. Maybe that's what will ultimately happen. I'm not the controller of the universe. If I were you though, I'd be very careful about putting my dignity on the line in such a way.

Uh, I've been at rock bottom for a few months already.

[sweetjasmine]

Finally got the courage?

 

Yeah right. She half-assed it. A text message telling me that she thinks we shouldn't hang out anymore. When I asked why, I got the BS answer that we don't get along. We both knew that was a lie. When I told her that we obviously get along or else we wouldn't have spent so much time together, she told me that her reasons are her own and none of my business. And that's the last thing I ever got out of her.

 

She doesn't owe you an explanation. "We don't get along" = "I don't like spending time with you anymore." She doesn't need to write you an essay to explain why. You cannot argue your way into any kind of relationship, be it a romantic one or a friendship.

 

When I later sent more texts asking if she could clarify or was wiling to talk, she ignored them and never got back to me.

 

Because she doesn't want to talk to you.

 

She is somebody who I deeply cared for. And I still care about her. But she got me very angry.

 

Honestly, you don't care about her. You care about the idea of her and the possibility of her being your girlfriend.

 

If you cared about her, you would respect her wishes, leave her the f- alone, and move on with your life.

 

All I wanted to do was spend time with her and she took that away without even telling me why.

 

You sound like you're complaining about mom taking away your Nintendo.

 

She doesn't owe you ANYTHING. The way it works in the free world (and not your fantasy world where it'd be cool if women had no choice in anything and were treated like pets) is that a person can decide for themselves whether they want to spend time with another. That's not taking anything away, and it's disturbing that you phrase it like that.

 

I'm wondering how I should play it.

 

I know for sure this will fall on deaf ears, but the way you should play it is by LEAVING HER ALONE and moving on.

 

One thing that I realized, is that for me to get over her, I need to get mad at her and that should kill all hope and desire. Also, a part of me wants her to get mad at me but for a reason that I can understand and accept.

 

You're already mad at her, and all it's doing is fueling your creepy obsession.

 

If she's unwilling, I'll call her on it and probably start an argument.

 

Nobody owes you a conversation. She does not want to interact with you. Why are you incapable of respecting her wishes?

 

I know it sounds petty to even think about starting a fight with her and potentially ruining her day but my feelings are strong and it feels like something I need to do. She's not exactly innocent either. If she let me have some form of closure back in November, I wouldn't even be in this mess now.

 

She doesn't owe you closure. She doesn't owe you a single thing. It's up to YOU to find your own closure.

 

And it isn't just petty to stalk her and pick a fight with her. It's messed up and creepy. If you cared about her (like you say you do), you would leave her alone instead of picking a fight with her in order to get what YOU want.

 

But that's what everything is about for you, somedude - getting what you want, and everything and everyone else be damned. You're one of the most self-absorbed people I've ever come across and you seem incapable of treating people like human beings instead of things that happen to be animate and happen to have "stuff" that you "want." You remind me of a kid who tries to force their pet cat to sit in their lap, holding the animal down against its will. When the cat gets desperate, claws the kid's eyes out, and hides under the couch, they cry and wonder why kitty doesn't like them and try to pull kitty out from under the couch by their tail anyway, completely failing to understand that they're dealing with a living creature and not a freaking doll that was made for the sole purpose of fulfilling their needs.

 

Until you learn to respect other people's feelings and desires and until you accept that they get to make their own choices, regardless of what you WANT them to do, you will never have a functional, healthy relationship of any kind with another human being.

 

I know this is an utter waste of time, that you won't listen to a single thing I write, and that you'll go ahead and confront this poor girl and watch it blow up in your face in a spectacular fashion, but I've been in a position a little bit similar to D's before, and your comments pushed all sorts of buttons. Leave her alone and GET HELP.

[jerbear]

If we do go down the argument path, it would give me a reason to hate her and burn her from my mind.

 

You are right that there is the goal. I see her as an unfinished project. I can't stop until it's completed or it becomes so screwed up that it becomes unsalvageable. Basically all my crushes ended with the later. I'm used to things ending after a big fight. That's how I know it's over and I have no desire to see her again. That never happened with her.

 

Aren't you a business major in college? Have you not learned that in business law that the counter party does not have to do business with you as long as it is not illegal. Have you not learned in negotiations, that business is a two way street where you both try to have a win win situation? You're aiming for a win win on your side while she LOSES and for what? You're closure and pleasure?

 

If she is ignoring you, you're already dead to her. If you have no desire to see her again, why are you so obsessed?

 

Have you not learned in the political science course that not everyone will like you and you have to get over it.

 

Take out your marketing book that mentions SWOT. You are what some would say, stuck in the middle.

 

In business, if everything you do ends up in a big fight, you won't be employed or be a going concern for to long.

 

So maybe I will be able to laugh at this later on when I move to a happier plane.

Start now and you might be happier.

[Teknoe]

SD,

Do what you feel you gotta do, but know that all actions have certain consequences.

 

Consider printing this out, taping it to your wall and reading it out loud everyday:

 

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

 

We ask ourselves,

Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

 

Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

 

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

 

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others

[somedude81]

She doesn't owe you an explanation. "We don't get along" = "I don't like spending time with you anymore."

Why didn't she just tell me that in the first place?

 

The two mean completely different things.

 

Honestly, you don't care about her. You care about the idea of her and the possibility of her being your girlfriend.

 

If you cared about her, you would respect her wishes, leave her the f- alone, and move on with your life.

I care about her too much to leave her alone. Yes I know how crazy that sounds.

 

Also at this point, I can not put her wishes ahead of my own.

You sound like you're complaining about mom taking away your Nintendo.

And that's pretty much what it is. Of course she was much more to me than a toy, but I really enjoyed spending time with her.

 

She doesn't owe you ANYTHING. The way it works in the free world (and not your fantasy world where it'd be cool if women had no choice in anything and were treated like pets) is that a person can decide for themselves whether they want to spend time with another. That's not taking anything away, and it's disturbing that you phrase it like that.

I know how things work in the real world and I'm obviously unhappy about it.

 

I absolutely hate that things never go my way. It's as if I'm fighting against the world and it's completely against me. Why must I go through a battle just to be happy?

 

She doesn't owe you closure. She doesn't owe you a single thing. It's up to YOU to find your own closure.

I've been trying to.

 

But that's what everything is about for you, somedude - getting what you want, and everything and everyone else be damned.

Of course it is. Because if I don't fight for what I want, I'll have nothing. Being considerate of others doesn't get me sh*t. I'm not a f-ing saint. I'm tired of just letting life happen to me.

 

 

Until you learn to respect other people's feelings and desires and until you accept that they get to make their own choices, regardless of what you WANT them to do, you will never have a functional, healthy relationship of any kind with another human being.

As if respecting other peoples feelings and desires would help me get into a relationship it the first place. Don't try to feed me that BS.

 

I know this is an utter waste of time, that you won't listen to a single thing I write, and that you'll go ahead and confront this poor girl and watch it blow up in your face in a spectacular fashion,

If you've been paying attention, you should realize that I want things to blow up. Of course I'm going to try to be nice, but if she's cold or mean to me....

If she is ignoring you, you're already dead to her. If you have no desire to see her again, why are you so obsessed?

Where did I say I have no desire to see her again?

 

That's a really odd thing for you to think.

SD,

Do what you feel you gotta do, but know that all actions have certain consequences.

What could possibly happen?

[sweetjasmine]

Why didn't she just tell me that in the first place?

 

The two mean completely different things.

 

Likely because she was trying to spare your feelings a little. Not that you would understand what it's like to take another person's feelings into consideration.

 

I care about her too much to leave her alone. Yes I know how crazy that sounds.

 

No, you care about yourself too much to leave her alone.

 

Also at this point, I can not put her wishes ahead of my own.

 

You never did and you never would be able to.

 

I know how things work in the real world and I'm obviously unhappy about it.

 

I absolutely hate that things never go my way. It's as if I'm fighting against the world and it's completely against me. Why must I go through a battle just to be happy?

 

Everybody has to find their own happiness. It doesn't just magically get dumped into your life.

 

You're not fighting against the world. You're your own worst enemy.

 

Of course it is. Because if I don't fight for what I want, I'll have nothing. Being considerate of others doesn't get me sh*t. I'm not a f-ing saint. I'm tired of just letting life happen to me.

 

Sorry, there IS a happy medium between "completely self-absorbed sociopath" and Mother Teresa. Most of us live there.

 

As if respecting other peoples feelings and desires would help me get into a relationship it the first place. Don't try to feed me that BS.

 

If you want to think it's BS, then fine. Keep sabotaging yourself.

 

Respecting other people's feelings and desires is an integral part of maintaining healthy relationships. You don't own other human beings, and the healthy ones will hit the pavement the moment they realize that they're just a toy for you and that their feelings and desires are second to yours, all the time, every time.

 

If you've been paying attention, you should realize that I want things to blow up. Of course I'm going to try to be nice, but if she's cold or mean to me....

 

Okay, then what? You yell at her? Cause a scene? Make her cry? Maybe grab her arm? Maybe lose control and smack her? Make her answer for all the sh-t your mother did to you?

 

Good luck with that, SD. I hope you get at least a little enjoyment out of ruining your own life. I'm out.

[somedude81]

Likely because she was trying to spare your feelings a little. Not that you would understand what it's like to take another person's feelings into consideration.

And in doing so, she's caused me even more harm because she basically forced me to laguish over it, trying to find out what the real reason was.

 

Yes the truth can hurt but odds are it will be better in the end.

 

No, you care about yourself too much to leave her alone.

It's not that simple.

 

One common thought I have, is that I would do anything for her, except leave her alone.

Everybody has to find their own happiness. It doesn't just magically get dumped into your life.

 

You're not fighting against the world. You're your own worst enemy.

I am trying to find my happiness. But it's as if it's being kept from me.

 

It's more than me being my own enemy, too many things have gone wrong that I have had no control over.

 

The very fact that every girl I have ever liked has rejected me is a huge sign that something is wrong with the world. And no matter how much I try to improve myself it doesn't make a difference.

 

If you want to think it's BS, then fine. Keep sabotaging yourself.

 

Respecting other people's feelings and desires is an integral part of maintaining healthy relationships.

I know they are important things, but just doing it will not get me into a relationship. And it's very possible to get into one without caring about peoples feelings. Just look at this forum for the evidence.

 

I have a pretty good idea that I'll know how to act once I get into a relationship.

 

But for now, being considerate is pointless.

 

Okay, then what? You yell at her? Cause a scene? Make her cry? Maybe grab her arm? Maybe lose control and smack her? Make her answer for all the sh-t your mother did to you?

Great job over-exaggerating there

 

The worst I can see me doing is talking to her in a cold stern tone, maybe I'll call her a few names.

 

Heh, I wonder if she'll cry or start yelling. That would be funny.

[ThaWholigan]

LOL this is stupid. I can't believe what I'm reading.

[cerridwen]

 

The worst I can see me doing is talking to her in a cold stern tone, maybe I'll call her a few names.

 

Heh, I wonder if she'll cry or start yelling. That would be funny.

 

This has got to be one of the shttiest things I've ever read.

[punkinthetrunk]

Stages of Obsessive Ex Syndrome

Not all stages occur in all cases -- however, when looking back, some stages may become apparent in retrospect:

 

Stage 1 - Courtship

 

The Obsessive male has identified that a certain woman makes him feel important and powerful. He lays on all the charm he possibly can to show how wonderful he is. On a subliminal level he tests how much control he can begin to effect over her life and activities. If he finds that she can be manipulated, she becomes even more attractive to him as a potential partner.

 

Stage 2 - Relationship

 

The Obsessive male establishes his mate as a main symbol of his view of himself as the center of the world. He establishes control over her life and activities, or battles with her for control over these things. He uses any ploy to maintain control of their world; he may use deceit, money, intimidation, violence.

 

Stage 3 - Break-Up

 

The Obsessive Ex will not accept that his partner has decided the relationship is over. In his view, that is not her decision to make. He argues with her incessantly. He employs any means possible to re-establish his control over her.

 

If there are divorce proceedings, he may try to delay the outcome, or try to use the case to "punish" her via specifics of the divorce agreement.

 

If there is a child involved, the child becomes (for him) an object that he uses to try to regain power. He may use visitation arrangements as a tool to harangue the woman, or view the legal proceedings surrounding the custody question as a way for him to battle for control over his ex.

 

Stage 4 - Stalking

 

The Obsessive Ex keeps trying to arrange contact or have conversations with her, even though she has indicated there is nothing left to discuss. Stalking behavior may also include following, watching, spying, monitoring, asking other people about her or spreading rumors about her, increasing contact with her friends, family or co-workers, etc.

 

(Many people do not recognize stalking for what it is. Friends, co-workers, and family members may not be supportive of the woman; they will see the Ex's behavior as unimportant and assume that he will stop this behavior soon.)

 

Stage 5 - Threats

 

The Obsessive Ex now tries to employ intimidating contact, threats, or illegal interference to force the woman to come back to him.

 

He may also may vague statements about the safety of her child, or threaten to kidnap her child if she does not reconcile with him.

 

Physical aggression includes trying to stand in her way, block her path, or walk toward or advance upon her while yelling -- it is not the same thing as physical contact (violence).

 

Illegal interference includes slander, libel, blackmail, distributing photos of you, etc.

 

This is the stage at which it usually, finally becomes obvious to the woman's friends, co-workers and family members, that her Ex has become a serious problem.

 

Stage 6 - Violence

 

Since the Obsessive Ex views other people and animals primarily in terms of how useful they are to him, he sees them more as objects than live beings. At this stage he is willing to kill a pet, abduct a child, murder a child, or murder the woman, in order to regain his feelings of control and power. He needs to feel like he is in control and he will do anything to accomplish it.

[somedude81]

This has got to be one of the shttiest things I've ever read.

Yeah I know.

 

Honestly, I really doubt things would ever go down like that.

 

I just can't see myself actually getting angry if I was around her.

 

When I'm posting here, I'm feeling all the negative energy coming from everybody, I'm trying to defend myself, I'm angry and I say mean things.

 

That's not how I really am.

[somedude81]

Obsessive ex.

 

Hmm, I do see a very small part of three.

 

The Obsessive Ex will not accept that his partner has decided the relationship is over. In his view, that is not her decision to make.

Though I'm wondering how a normal/healthy person would react to a text that said, "I'm breaking up with you. My reasons are my own."

 

Stage 4 - Stalking

 

The Obsessive Ex keeps trying to arrange contact or have conversations with her, even though she has indicated there is nothing left to discuss. Stalking behavior may also include following, watching, spying, monitoring, asking other people about her or spreading rumors about her, increasing contact with her friends, family or co-workers, etc.

 

(Many people do not recognize stalking for what it is. Friends, co-workers, and family members may not be supportive of the woman; they will see the Ex's behavior as unimportant and assume that he will stop this behavior soon.)

 

Yes I have tried to text her. But that's the only way I have tried to establish contact with her. And that's only about one text every three weeks.

 

The only other thing I've done is wait near a path she uses so I can see when she'll be in the area, then I can try to talk to her at a non-threatening public location. This will also be a one time thing. If it does not go well, and I highly doubt it will, I'll never try to contact her again.

[ThaWholigan]

Yeah I know.

 

Honestly, I really doubt things would ever go down like that.

 

I just can't see myself actually getting angry if I was around her.

 

When I'm posting here, I'm feeling all the negative energy coming from everybody, I'm trying to defend myself, I'm angry and I say mean things.

 

That's not how I really am.

Seriously, you should go back to therapy, or take up Meeks7's offer. What I just read looked like the ramblings of a crazy person, I mean, I have my crazy moments IRL but I don't get obsessive over people like this. I would hope that your words are merely an exaggeration of your feelings.

 

Seriously, you absolutely have to STAY AWAY from this girl. As of now, she's NO GOOD for you. The best thing you can do is to stop thinking about anything to do with this girl or any other girl you liked, ever. Stop. Get rid of the pictures or any mementos. Erase her from your thought-stream. Don't try to bump into her. Don't completely avoid her as it's possible you will run into her by accident, but certainly don't wait for her to pop up round the corner as you are waiting for her at the bus-stop. That's stalker talk right there.

 

Go find something else to do. Please. What are you passionate about? (don't say you're passionate about finding a girlfriend). Whatever it is, go and do that. Find a sport to go and play, or take up a martial art. Tai Chi would be good for you simply because it will help you deal with your inner-health, and you will find you are at more peace.

 

Make some new friends. You like music? Go to a show and meet new people. Talk to them about whatever band it is you like. You might even meet some other girls there. Social circles will help you interact with people better, so you will find it easier to make some girl attracted to you.

 

But please mate, don't do whatever it is you're thinking of doing, it's stupid. And it's dumb. You absolutely have to reprogram yourself. It NEEDS to be done. No excuses. None. You have to do it, otherwise you will continue where you are now. Just DO SOMETHING!!!!!!!!

[punkinthetrunk]

I think normal/healthy people can do messed up things when their upset. Any painful breakup is bound to push you over that line between normal behavior and finding yourself acting in destructive ways.

 

Figured I would post what i did so you can at least see that the way that you're trying to confront her to gain some sort of closure..your treading a thin line into some scary territory. If this meeting doesn't provide that for you, what will?

 

Try to put yourself in her shoes. Would you want your ex to confront you, if they try to bait you into a fight?