Catholic and no ring

[LongHaulDating]

I hope I am posting to the right thread as I am a newbie.

 

I have been with my BF for 7 years straight and 4 years off and on before that. We started dating when I was 14(he was 19). I was always the one to break up with him in those 4 rocky years. I was young and immature and still figuring out myself in all truth. I slept with a few other people during those break ups as did he yet he still holds the "I never broke up with you" card. I have dealt with no ring for this long because I felt I deserved to wait for my wrongdoing and that he was valid for being scared to marry me. After almost a decade, I have finally forgiven myself for my errors as a teen and let it go.

 

Our relationship now is the best it has ever been. I want to spend the rest of my life with him and only him and he has stated the same to me numerous times. We have lived together for 6 years and have a 2 year old son.

 

As a teenager, I was unsure of religions in general. Now that I am older and have a better understanding, I am Catholic. My BF has no religious affiliation. Every day I feel like I am sinning because I have a child out of wedlock and am sleeping with a person I am not married to. I thought having our son baptized Catholic would make me feel better about not being married but it actually just made me feel worse.

 

My BF promised a ring within the next year but since he has promised a ring numerous times in the past and still nothing, I do not exactly believe him. In the past, he always stated he needed to get the funds together for a ring yet he would buy cars as expensive as a ring. Even to this day he is buying car parts left and right stating he will resell them for profit to get me a ring yet 98% of those parts from 3 years ago are still sitting in our garage. I love him so much but I am starting to get tired of the excuses. Marriage means a lot to me. He knows this and keeps making promises yet car stuff seems to be the only thing on his mind. Does this behavior signal he will never actually marry me?

 

How do I stop feeling like I need marriage? I don't want to potentially lose my family because I am pushing marriage. I do not care about the ring, dress, or that all our friends are already married. I just want the religious ceremony so I can stop feeling like I am constantly sinning with the one I want to spend eternity with as it is starting to make me depressed and insecure. I am sure banning sex would make my man feel more like I do not love him or he is not good enough leading to even less of a chance of marriage.

 

(And no I can not just stop being Catholic. It is not that easy....)

[oldguy]

I am "Catholic" too & know exactly what you mean, it would be sooooo much easier if I could just not be. I've tried. Catholic, from my view point, is a faith & a religion & personally my biggest issue has always been with the religion.

 

Look, I struggle so much I walked away completely, I tried alternatives I finally began researching the history which made it worse but came to the conclusion that I was a good person even when I did not practice any faith. Oddly enough it was when I realized that I was able to come back without feeling guilty.

 

Enough as this isn't the issue or the forum & even if it where there isn't the time or space here.

 

Religion aside why do you think your SO has commitment issues after all this time?

[oldguy]

You do realize that as long as one of you is a member of

the Catholic Church by baptism means that you are able to marry within the Catholic Church & in fact many who are in your situation; living together & with children are welcome by the Church?

 

I think there will have to be some sort dispensation because your SO is not Catholic but that is a simple formality I believe & is handled by your priest.

 

I think your SO, being a none Catholic may have to make some sort of a declaration agreeing with the tenants of a Catholic marriage being a life long commitment yada yada yada.

 

But you probably know all of this as well.

 

Do you feel like you "need" marriage because of your Catholic guilt or because "you" would like a commitment from your SO separate from the religious pressure?

Edited February 29, 2012 by oldguy

[KathyM]

Don't allow the money thing to be used as an excuse for not making a commitment. Tell him you'll be fine with an inexpensive ring, just a simple gold band, for now, and if he wants to get something more elaborate when your money situation is better, that's fine. Tell him you want to call the priest and find out when he could perform the ceremony. Just a simple ceremony with the two of you and your son would be nice. Don't let your bf stall any longer. You have to put your foot down and tell him now is the time, you've waited long enough, and you want to do this for your son, as well as for yourselves.

[oldguy]

Don't allow the money thing to be used as an excuse for not making a commitment. Tell him you'll be fine with an inexpensive ring, just a simple gold band, for now, and if he wants to get something more elaborate when your money situation is better, that's fine. Tell him you want to call the priest and find out when he could perform the ceremony. Just a simple ceremony with the two of you and your son would be nice. Don't let your bf stall any longer. You have to put your foot down and tell him now is the time, you've waited long enough, and you want to do this for your son, as well as for yourselves.

unfortunately getting Married in The Catholic Church is never a simple quick thing. But I agree, get things started & get him involved.

[carhill]

Welcome to LS

 

So, you're 25 and he's 30 and you apparently have been together all your adult lives and have a child together.

 

Save for the obvious connection with your child, what other evidence is showing your team status?

 

Some examples:

Child has father's surname

Shared bank accounts

Joint tenancy in a home or joint co-lessee status on a lease

Publicly referring to each other as something other than boyfriend/girlfriend

 

What I'm trying to determine is 'tone'.

 

Many people go through life in loving, committed relationships without legal marriage. In fact, one of my tenants shocked me when they announced they were getting married. I had presumed, erroneously, with two children, that they had been married for a long time. They're about your ages. Their next project is buying a home.

 

If you want to be married, you do. If he doesn't, and right now he doesn't because, if he did, you'd be married, then he doesn't want to be. It's really not that hard. My exW and I spent a few bucks on a license in Honolulu and had a chaplain marry us on the beach. No big deal and we're both Catholic. People do what they want to do.

 

What would happen if you were injured and unresponsive in the hospital and decisions needed to be made about your life. Does he think he'd have the authority to make those decisions? He might want to read up on that. That's one tiny example of the powers marriage grants.

 

Lastly, check the laws of your jurisdiction. You might already be married by common law.

 

Are you willing to leave him in favor of getting married? IOW, is getting married more important than being with him? Tough decision. In my case, I knew from an early age that I wouldn't live with someone unless I was married to them. You've followed a different path, which now has come to a point of decision. Good luck with that.

Edited February 29, 2012 by carhill

[oldguy]

Welcome to LS

 

So, you're 25 and he's 30 and you apparently have been together all your adult lives and have a child together.

 

Save for the obvious connection with your child, what other evidence is showing your team status?

 

Some examples:

Child has father's surname

Shared bank accounts

Joint tenancy in a home or joint co-lessee status on a lease

Publicly referring to each other as something other than boyfriend/girlfriend

 

What I'm trying to determine is 'tone'.

 

Many people go through life in loving, committed relationships without legal marriage. In fact, one of my tenants shocked me when they announced they were getting married. I had presumed, erroneously, with two children, that they had been married for a long time. They're about your ages. Their next project is buying a home.

 

If you want to be married, you do. If he doesn't, and right now he doesn't because, if he did, you'd be married, then he doesn't want to be. It's really not that hard. My exW and I spent a few bucks on a license in Honolulu and had a chaplain marry us on the beach. No big deal and we're both Catholic. People do what they want to do.

 

What would happen if you were injured and unresponsive in the hospital and decisions needed to be made about your life. Does he think he'd have the authority to make those decisions? He might want to read up on that. That's one tiny example of the powers marriage grants.

 

Lastly, check the laws of your jurisdiction. You might already be married by common law.

 

Are you willing to leave him in favor of getting married? IOW, is getting married more important than being with him? Tough decision. In my case, I knew from an early age that I wouldn't live with someone unless I was married to them. You've followed a different path, which now has come to a point of decision. Good luck with that.

I may be wrong but the last time I checked the actual legality of common law marriages in most States has been relegated to myth status as it no longer holds up even in the States that retain it on the books But even if I'm right he doesn't need to know that

 

And I may be wrong about this point also but I thought being married in The Church was important to her also... No?

Edited February 29, 2012 by oldguy

[carhill]

This information might be helpful

 

"To be defined as a common-law marriage within the states that allow it, the two people must: agree that they are married, live together, and present themselves as husband and wife. Common-law marriage is generally a non-ceremonial relationship that requires "a positive mutual agreement, permanent and exclusive of all others, to enter into a marriage relationship, cohabitation sufficient to warrant a fulfillment of necessary relationship of man and wife, and an assumption of marital duties and obligations." Black's Law Dictionary 277 (6th ed. 1990).

Before modern domestic relations statutes, couples became married by a variety of means that developed from custom. These became the elements of a "common-law marriage," or a marriage that arose through the couple's conduct, instead of through a ceremony. In many ways, the theory of common-law marriage is one of estoppel - meaning that couples who have told the world they are married should not be allowed to claim they aren't when in a dispute between themselves."

 

 

Of course, that only pertains to the United States. I have no idea where the OP lives.

 

ETA, the 'sanctity' of common-law becomes most apparent during a 'break-up'

[setsenia]

Don't allow the money thing to be used as an excuse for not making a commitment. Tell him you'll be fine with an inexpensive ring, just a simple gold band, for now, and if he wants to get something more elaborate when your money situation is better, that's fine. Tell him you want to call the priest and find out when he could perform the ceremony. Just a simple ceremony with the two of you and your son would be nice. Don't let your bf stall any longer. You have to put your foot down and tell him now is the time, you've waited long enough, and you want to do this for your son, as well as for yourselves.

 

"I can't afford a ring" is an excuse. This actually reminds me of my brother, he doesn't have a job and is engaged. He hasn't bought his fiance a ring and he says it's because he cannot afford it. Well, he bought her an $80-$90 netbook for Christmas and is always spending a lot of money on his beer. He could have gotten her a ring by now as they have been engaged for over 6 months. He can get you a $90 simple band off of ebay and you can go to a special location just the two of you and pay a minister and license fee to get hitched. You can definitely incorporate Catholic elements to make the ceremony a religious one, it's all up to you. When it comes down to it, if marriage is important to both of you, regardless of how much money you have, you can make it happen.

Edited February 29, 2012 by setsenia

[oldguy]

This information might be helpful

 

"To be defined as a common-law marriage within the states that allow it, the two people must: agree that they are married, live together, and present themselves as husband and wife. Common-law marriage is generally a non-ceremonial relationship that requires "a positive mutual agreement, permanent and exclusive of all others, to enter into a marriage relationship, cohabitation sufficient to warrant a fulfillment of necessary relationship of man and wife, and an assumption of marital duties and obligations." Black's Law Dictionary 277 (6th ed. 1990).

Before modern domestic relations statutes, couples became married by a variety of means that developed from custom. These became the elements of a "common-law marriage," or a marriage that arose through the couple's conduct, instead of through a ceremony. In many ways, the theory of common-law marriage is one of estoppel - meaning that couples who have told the world they are married should not be allowed to claim they aren't when in a dispute between themselves."

 

 

Of course, that only pertains to the United States. I have no idea where the OP lives.

 

ETA, the 'sanctity' of common-law becomes most apparent during a 'break-up'

 

I stand corrected but I'm still slightly skeptical of the legal validity or how well it would hold up if challenged. It's sort of reminds me of the old Home stead act that is still on the books in many States but doesn't hold up when challenged. Of course that may have more to do with who is paying taxes on said land

[carhill]

Yeah, it depends on jurisdiction. My law firm has successfully defended claims on homesteaded properties, primarily creditor claims. A large unpaid medical bill might be one example. People can sue people for anything, and often do. In the case of the OP, common law might benefit her if her BF abandoned her and their child. She'd have to prosecute a suit, sure, but she could assert standing as his apparent wife in such jurisdiction.

 

So, our conversation has given me two things to ask the next time I'm at the law firm's office. Good questions. Always happy to have more and better information.

 

Perhaps the OP can clarify similar information for herself and clearly communicate why she wants to be married, point by point, and then see what the response is. Accept it and make a decision. Our psychologist was great like that. Clarify, communicate, compromise, decide.

[oldguy]

I got the impression it was primarily Catholic guilt. (no offense).

I believe she would also feel more comfortable if her child's parents where married.

 

It almost always comes down to individual perception & degree of comfort & when reasonable I find it is best to work within others belief systems than to try & impose foreign ones. Again, as long as someones belief systems is not destructive or harmful to themselves or others.

 

I'm an ol' mental health worker, you have to, within reason, always work within others perimeters. Besides, anything else would be terribly presumptuous.

 

If we where all the same it would be a very dull world & as Darwin pointed out, we would never survive.

vive la différence

[LongHaulDating]

We are completely intertwined already hence why I do not understand why he is so skeptical of marriage. We found our house together but it is in my name as I have great credit where as he does not. Once I got pregnant, he started working at my family business so we could take shifts watching our son. The only thing we do not share is a bank account as he is not good with money. I pay all the bills and he gets a weekly allowance to spend on whatever he wants. 90% of my personal weekly allowance (same amount as BF) goes into savings for our son's future education. So I am not too happy he spends most of his money on items just for him where as I save most of mine for our son. This makes me feel used financially. This really is the only problem in our relationship at the moment(other than not being married) but it is something we need to work through.

 

I know he is fully committed yet am confused why marriage is still on the back burner for him when it means a great deal to me. He has everything he wants from our relationship so I do understand why marriage to him seems like there is nothing in it for him other than the added stress of a potential divorce. There has to be something holding him back, no? I did do a lot of breaking up as a teen but he insists he has forgiven me for that.

 

My BF does not know his biological father and his stepfather left his mother for another woman about 10 years ago so maybe that has something to do with his insecurity to marry me. If this is the case, I am unsure what more I could do or say to ensure him that I would not hurt him like that. If he feels he can never forgive me or fully trust me or whatever the reason, I wish he would just be straight up and tell me.

 

I have told him numerous times that I would take a ring out of a cracker jack box (I would even take a ring made of string). It is not the ring itself I am interested in, it is the symbol of the ring I am looking for. I want to know he is serious about getting married. He insists he wants to buy me the ring I deserve which is sweet but unnecessary. I want the religious ceremony so I can stop feeling so guilty all the time not have a big gaudy ring.

 

Our son does have his father's surname. I was hesitant at first about this because I didn't want our son whom I carried for 9 months to have a different last name as me but my BF promised I would have his last name within the year (that didn't happen as our son is 2). I already get confusion from others about the difference in last name between my son and I especially when I call for a doctor appt. or prescription pick-up.

 

 

I am not interested in marriage by common law but merely the religious union at the church. I do have Catholic guilt. I can no longer enjoy sex with him because I keep thinking I am sinning. I wish I could just keep it in my head that we are long term and forever and an actual ceremony makes no difference but I can not seem to let it go. I know I am welcome in the Catholic church even though we are not married but I guess I myself am beating myself up. My brain is saying "this is your faith yet you are not following your faith". I do not like being a hypocrite.

 

 

Thanks everyone for your insight thus far......

Edited February 29, 2012 by LongHaulDating
spell check

[carhill]

Since old guy and I are old enough to be your grandfather or father, our perspectives reflect it.

 

Your BF has a mommy and that's you. He's thirty and you have him on an allowance. Wish I could sugar coat it but that's what I'd tell you if you were my daughter. There's no impulse for him to get married because he likes things as they are and any noises he makes about getting married are merely to placate your concerns and fears. He makes noises about getting you 'the ring you deserve' because he knows you're practical and this serves to divert the conversation from marriage as well as signal enough interest in marriage to placate you some more. On and on.

 

Are people purposely this way? Unknown. Some are; some aren't.

 

You want a clue into how he really is? Look at his family, both today and in the past. Elemental parts of his psychology come from his FOO, both genetically and through socialization. That a 19 yo would date a 14 yo would give most parents, myself included, pause. That came from somewhere; it's part of who he is. Has he grown? Hopefully. If you didn't have him on an allowance, I'd be more confident in that.

 

BTW, when I married my exW, I had a car collection older than your boyfriend and such pursuits have been a part of my life since a child. When I proposed to her in the santa suit seen yearly here on LS, the cute little bear I got her had an engagement ring on that gold ribbon around its neck. Up to you all how it works out for you. Maybe your non-marriage will last a lifetime. I hope the relationship does. The rest is just formalities.

 

If things are the same in a year as they are today, what is your plan?

[Eddie Edirol]

Why did you all of a sudden decide you needed faith to live so late in your relationship? What do you think would happen if you didnt live by the catholic faith?

[oldguy]

We all struggle with Catholic guilt:D

 

What you have been trying isn't working so the obvious thing to do is try something else; He may have security issues related to his father & stepfather.

 

It really does not sound like he has issues with you not sustaining relationships when you where young. If he did that usually manifests itself in anger, depression, bouts of ignoring you & or loss of interest in sex.

 

Did I understand you right in that he basically works for you/your family & receives an allowance? There maybe some underlying issues there he is not aware of even.

 

Would he go see someone with you under the pretense that you would like a relationship tune up?

[setsenia]

I pay all the bills and he gets a weekly allowance to spend on whatever he wants. 90% of my personal weekly allowance (same amount as BF) goes into savings for our son's future education.

 

I have just started to do this with my husband. We have a joint account and we have our own personal accounts. Since he is unemployed, I have decided to deposit my paycheck into my personal account. This is because there would be an issue of communication. I barely make enough to pay all the bills and I try and lay out what needs to be paid in order of priority. Well, he would never tell me what's due and made a payment on a bill I didn't realize was due when I already had two bills pending! This means I almost got an overdraft fee! Now by having the money in my own account, he has to tell me what is due, that way we can plan accordingly without mishaps. It also make it easier for me to manage and keep track of the money since it always seems to disappear really fast and I have no idea where it goes. I always thought it to be controlling when one person manages the money, but I can actually see how it works so that way there is no miscommunication.

[LongHaulDating]

Since old guy and I are old enough to be your grandfather or father, our perspectives reflect it.

 

Your BF has a mommy and that's you. He's thirty and you have him on an allowance. Wish I could sugar coat it but that's what I'd tell you if you were my daughter. There's no impulse for him to get married because he likes things as they are and any noises he makes about getting married are merely to placate your concerns and fears. He makes noises about getting you 'the ring you deserve' because he knows you're practical and this serves to divert the conversation from marriage as well as signal enough interest in marriage to placate you some more. On and on.

 

Are people purposely this way? Unknown. Some are; some aren't.

 

You want a clue into how he really is? Look at his family, both today and in the past. Elemental parts of his psychology come from his FOO, both genetically and through socialization. That a 19 yo would date a 14 yo would give most parents, myself included, pause. That came from somewhere; it's part of who he is. Has he grown? Hopefully. If you didn't have him on an allowance, I'd be more confident in that.

 

BTW, when I married my exW, I had a car collection older than your boyfriend and such pursuits have been a part of my life since a child. When I proposed to her in the santa suit seen yearly here on LS, the cute little bear I got her had an engagement ring on that gold ribbon around its neck. Up to you all how it works out for you. Maybe your non-marriage will last a lifetime. I hope the relationship does. The rest is just formalities.

 

If things are the same in a year as they are today, what is your plan?

 

 

Thank you for your honesty. Truthfully in a year from now, I will most likely be in the same exact situation. Finding a way to somehow make my non-marriage guilt go away by finding a way have my man propose without me demanding it from him. I will search around and seek insight from others then use those methods on my BF and when that doesn't do anything but provide another excuse, I will accept his excuse and continue to hurt on the inside.

 

My personality has always been to put other people's feelings above my own especially those that I love dearly. I fight for my feelings at first but I almost always give up or give in. Changing that part of my personality would need a major rewire as they call it. So do I give up this relationship because I want something due to my faith...no. I will give in and continue to stand by his side even though he is not fulfilling 1 thing I want...yes. Yes, because I do not want anyone else and I have already started a family with him. Leaving him to try and start a new family with someone else does not exactly seem like the step in the right direction. I do not want to leave simply because marriage isn't knocking at my door. I do wish I could resolve the guiltiness I am feeling towards my faith. And I hope I do not start resenting him in the future if he never asks me to marry him.

 

 

As for the age difference, yeah it is big. Neither of our parents were a fan. If my son dated someone that much older, I would be wondering too. I have always been more mature than him. I graduated at 16. I even had my own apartment before he did. He has grown up a lot since we had our son but he definitely does not act like a 30 year old. I wish he did because having some pressure off me to keep everything in order would be nice once in awhile.

[LongHaulDating]

Why did you all of a sudden decide you needed faith to live so late in your relationship? What do you think would happen if you didnt live by the catholic faith?

 

 

Religion became a big part of my life when I was pregnant. It was at that point that I started looking into different religions seeing what fit me. I read the Bible cover to cover. I wanted to have a full understanding of my religion before I started instilling those values onto my son. I wanted to be able to give my son a detailed explanation when he would one day ask "What religion are we and why?" When I was a kid, my parents simply said you are Catholic and here are the rules. I always wondered why this and why that and my parents always stated "because that is our faith". I did not want that for my son. I wanted to have a full understanding of what religion I was and what it meant to me so I could give my child a full understanding. Maybe that way he will be able to make a clearer choice if he wants to be apart of that religion or not unlike me who didn't have a clue what I believed in and why until my 20s.

 

As for your 2nd question, I am not exactly sure what would happen. I would no longer feel guilty. If I still wanted my man to marry me and he kept making excuses, I would probably start looking for someone else to take his place since staying with the first person you lie with wouldn't mean much to me. I do believe a big reason I am so attached to him is the fact is my first love.

[LongHaulDating]

We all struggle with Catholic guilt:D

 

Did I understand you right in that he basically works for you/your family & receives an allowance? There maybe some underlying issues there he is not aware of even.

 

Would he go see someone with you under the pretense that you would like a relationship tune up?

 

 

Thanks oldguy. Nice to know everyone has Catholic guilt. That alone makes me feel better.

 

We just started the allowance thing when our son was born. Before that we would combine our money for bills just like roommates would. I paid more in because I had a higher income. I calculated it so we both had the same percentage taken away for bills. I run the company now (parents retired) but he does the leg work so I just have to come in a few days a week to do the boss stuff. Basically it is my old income divided between 2 people so since we have the same income, we have the same percentage taken out hence the same allowance for both of us. I am big on saving and he is big on spending. He says he will pay for part of our son's education when the time comes but I am not holding my breath.

 

We did see a therapist about our differences a year ago and our relationship has improved greatly because of it. Marriage was discussed and we both said we wanted to get married soon. We did not get much further than that on the marriage issue.

Edited March 1, 2012 by LongHaulDating

[Eddie Edirol]

Religion became a big part of my life when I was pregnant. It was at that point that I started looking into different religions seeing what fit me. I read the Bible cover to cover. I wanted to have a full understanding of my religion before I started instilling those values onto my son. I wanted to be able to give my son a detailed explanation when he would one day ask "What religion are we and why?" When I was a kid, my parents simply said you are Catholic and here are the rules. I always wondered why this and why that and my parents always stated "because that is our faith". I did not want that for my son. I wanted to have a full understanding of what religion I was and what it meant to me so I could give my child a full understanding. Maybe that way he will be able to make a clearer choice if he wants to be apart of that religion or not unlike me who didn't have a clue what I believed in and why until my 20s.

 

As for your 2nd question, I am not exactly sure what would happen. I would no longer feel guilty. If I still wanted my man to marry me and he kept making excuses, I would probably start looking for someone else to take his place since staying with the first person you lie with wouldn't mean much to me. I do believe a big reason I am so attached to him is the fact is my first love.

 

 

Actually what I should have asked is WHY you feel you need religion? You lived just fine without it for this long, it doesnt really mean anything, like marriage papers, to your bf, I think you could live much happier if you let it go. Theres nothing wrong with knowing about religion to teach your son, but it seems to me that youre making such a big deal out of marriage/sex/guilt and if you get this, you will just look for something else, like you have a void to fill. If your bf isnt religious, and since he doesnt care about marriage, you will only wind up tearing your family apart, and then you will have to start over. All for something as intangible as guilt.

 

I think you need to explore more realistically why you feel you need to believe in religion, because you didnt at foremost mention anything about the religion itself that attracted you to it, you are only concerned about feeling guilty. Why do you think you need it so badly? You were doing fine without following the rules up until this point. Are you using this as an excuse to pressure your bf to marry you? If so, that isnt going to work.

[carhill]

I think the religious/marital aspect would be great fodder for some PMC. A disinterested third party could also get to the root of your BF's disconnect between words and actions. Consider it. I'd call it 'bend'; finding a middle ground of communication. He's of course free to decline, and that's an answer. Be proactive about furthering and solidifying the family unit, whatever form it takes.

[binny]

Have you considered proposing to him? After all, it is a leap year!

[taiko]

 

(And no I can not just stop being Catholic. It is not that easy....)

You are still living with him, no? You have yet to start being a Catholic in full standing. To do that you have to close the legs and if he is willing then go through the Church required preparation followed by the Church wedding. If he is not willing then you must let him go. That is the point where you start to become Catholic and not a mother trying to teach her child the rules that she is breaking while play acting a few rituals, some that the Church says you should not participate in at this point.

[LongHaulDating]

Having to choose between my religion and my relationship is a hard one. Catholic religion has always been in me. As a teenager, I simply got disconnected from my faith. My legs are now officially closed. I have put my feelings above his in that regard. We live together but no longer in the same bed. I am sure he thinks it is just a dry period as I am unsure how to explain to him about no longer having sex without him feeling like I am banning it so he will propose. I definitely do not want him to propose because he feels pressured to do so. I want him to propose to me because he wants to.

 

He refuses to move out. He says his father was never around and he wants to break that cycle by always being under the same roof as his son. I do not have the funds to pay for another place along with this one. My only other option would be to move in with my parents which it may have to come down to that. Priest wants us live apart until marriage.

 

It is hard to make my BF understand as he does not believe in any religion. Am I dumb to try and be fully committed to my faith potentially destroying my relationship to my BF in the process (especially when I have not been fully committed in the past)? I can say that if we did not have a child involved then I would have ended us living together so I could fully commit to my faith. Starting a family is what turned me back to my faith and now my faith may destroy my family.