Author LongHaulDating Posted March 2, 2012 Author Share Posted March 2, 2012 Have you considered proposing to him? After all, it is a leap year! I have done this and my BF said "yeah, sure". When it came time to sit down and discuss the marriage plans, he said "Oh, I thought you were joking" and proceeded to change the subject. I would revert back to the marriage topic and he would change the subject. It got to a point where I was fed up of asking and getting no response so I let it go. His "yeah sure" response was really just a no in my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 If you already think the religion is going to ruin your family, (by your choice) I dont see your benefit of sticking with the catholic rules. This isnt potentially destroying your family, it IS destroying your family. Youre trying to impose religion on your bf, and he doesnt want it. This isnt going to make him want to marry you, it is going to continue to repel him. So I ask you, what are you going to gain by this decision, besides frustration? It wont be marriage, not this way. You dont have to stop being catholic, but you might have to let go of it formally to get rid of this guilt. Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 Well, I'm a bit confused with this. You said yourself that your bf wants to get married (so he claims), and said he is just waiting to be able to buy you the nice ring he thinks you deserve. I think at this point I'd be sitting him down and having a heart to heart talk with him, and ask him if marriage is really something he wants, or is he just saying that to appease you. I think you need to get a better idea of what his true feelings are on this. MC would definately help to get him to clarify for himself and for you what his true feelings are on this, and it might help him to be able to make a move. Right now, he appears stuck and afraid to take that step. I would suggest the heart to heart talk, and if that doesn't clarify things for both of you, then go to seek MC, and they will help you to resolve it. And don't give up your faith over this. Your faith is your own decision, and is your relationship with God. You don't throw it away because of some man. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LongHaulDating Posted March 2, 2012 Author Share Posted March 2, 2012 Youre trying to impose religion on your bf, and he doesnt want it. I am in no way trying to force my BF into my religion. He has the right to believe in whatever he wants as am I. I have never demanded he come to church or pray or follow the Catholic doctrine. Unfortunately, following my faith for myself will affect him. I can not just pick and choose what parts of my faith I want to follow. If I want to follow this faith, I need to follow it whole-heartedly. I stated my faith may destroy my family. I am trying hard to have both in my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 You picked and chose what parts you wanted to follow up till now, you did just fine didnt you? Do you realize that if you DONT relax on the catholic rules and ease your guilt, and if you wind up leaving your bf for refusing to marry you, you will have to start over. Since you have a kid, you already have a strike against you in the dating world. Even if you went on religious dating sites, most of the men there will not wait for marriage to have sex, so your chances of getting married will dwindle down significantly. Have you considered that? BTW, You already recognize that you dont think your bf will marry you because of your past, or maybe he just doesnt feel he has to. So you will just stay with him, in a resentful relationship, out of guilt? Really? How long will you maintain that? Link to post Share on other sites
binny Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 I stated my faith may destroy my family. I am trying hard to have both in my life. If you can't have both in your life, which one would you choose? IMO you need to think about the answer to this question carefully. If you would choose your family, then as suggested before you may need to "relax" the catholic rules. It seems to me that your bf doesn't understand your faith. Possibly because up until now, you had not been practicing it so maybe he doesn't understand why you are starting to now. I think you really need to have a long serious talk with him about where your future is going (marriage or not) and explain your faith and the rules you would like to follow. If you didn't have a child with him, would you still be in a relationship with him, regardless of your faith? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 If you didn't have a child with him, would you still be in a relationship with him, regardless of your faith? Also, if you hadn't had a child with him, would you even have a faith? It didn't sound like it was at all important to you until you became pregnant. Maybe one of his concerns about marriage is your newly-found faith - you aren't the same person anymore. As an example, you've stopped having sex with him because of your faith. I don't know a single man out there who would be interested in marrying a woman who deliberately denies him sex. You two need to have a very honest discussion about what is going on in your relationship, what you each want out of life, and whether you want to have that life together or not. You might be surprised by what you hear, if he ever allows himself to be honest with you. But you need that kind of honesty and openness for a marriage. So, do what you have to and make that discussion happen. Put it all out on the table. Link to post Share on other sites
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