How can I nudge recently ex-gf into a FWB relation?

[techguy342]

My girlfriend broke up with me. She is not involved with anyone else. She started a new job which is admittedly stressful and wants time and space to focus on her career.

 

She is open to being friends as long as I don't pursue a relationship. However, from my perspective, it will be great to be on a FWB type situation and then potentially resume our relationship in the future.

 

So how do I nudge her into a FWB situation?

 

If I ask her directly, she is likely to take it in a negative way and may shut me out altogether.

 

If I accept to a platonic relationship and try to change it later into a FWB, then I run the same risk again and she will see me as being untrustworthy.

 

I was thinking of writing her a letter on the lines of -

 

I know you want to stop our relation

In the interest of your career, I agree it is the right thing to do

I do not know what will happen in the future

However, we have loved each other and those feelings never truly go away

We have been intimate and I cannot suppress those feelings either

I am not going to contact you again unless you want me in your life

But if you ever need me, I will be there for you

I will go on "no contact" following the letter for a few days. I am pretty sure she will miss me because we chat a lot everyday.

 

If she makes a few attempts to reach out to me, I can tell her that I realize she cannot spend time on nurturing a full relationship but perhaps we could consider a sexually intimate relation. I don't want to hurt her feelings or appear insensitive.

 

Any ideas or suggestions? Thank you for reading.

[Nightsky]

This would be called sleeping with your ex not FWB. No way to nudge some one into this type of thing its a stupid arangement for both people involved.

[techguy342]

Not so much about sleeping with the ex but more about holding onto some aspects of our old relation. She broke up because she doesn't have time to hang out in the evenings or weekends and feels like a relationship will be distracting. She wants to give all her time and focus her energies on her career. If we have a FWB situation, then it is likely that she won't be too much interested in another guy and we can potentially give our relation another shot after a few months.

[Nightsky]

I see what you're thinking but I disagree. NC is your best chance of getting back with her.

 

NC stands for no contact. It means when you are trying to get over some one you don't talk to them, look at their facebook, etc. You basicly keep them out of sight and out of mind till you get over them. That way you move on with your life. Its your best shot at getting her back and if you don't get her back you've moved on so it doesn't matter.

 

Sleeping with an ex is never a good idea. FWB isn't either. But sleeping with an ex is sleeping with an ex and not FWB.

[techguy342]

Thanks Nightsky, appreciate your advice.

 

I have started NC and will ignore her if she tries to call or message. I will try and keep myself busy with work, gym etc. I believe she will try to contact me on and off and will give up after a few tries.

 

However to bring her back, I have to break the NC at some point, correct? When and how can that be done? Sorry to be persistent, but I really hope I don't lose her for good.

[Nightsky]

With NC you should tell yourself she is gone for good and not think about her or getting her back.

 

You should already tried your last ditch efforts before the break up, during the break up, and after the break up. If you haven’t given it a last ditch effort then show up at her place or what ever. Tell her how much she means to you, that you love her. That she makes you so happy and you want to be happy together. Tell her everything you feel and be sweet and loving and try your best to romance her back. If that fails or you’ve already given it a last ditch effort its time for NC.

 

If she calls you and you know its just to shoot the breeze and make herself feel better because she misses you then ignore it. If she shows up at your place wanting to date, or leaves a msg that seems like she wants to get back together then break NC that is if you even want to at that point.

 

You just need to focus on moving on and dating other women when you’re ready. Don’t think about her till you’re over her. You’ll know you’re over her because you’ll be able to remember the good times with out wanting to get back together. You’re going to be fine. If she really loves you she’ll make it clear. It won’t just be a txt seeing how you’re doing. She’ll need to see you or something. Even if she needs to see you though if its just to string you along stay NC. Use your judgment.

 

You’re going to be fine with or with out her.

[freetolove]

focusing on career is just an excuse to be away from you.

[marsha80]

She broke it off because she wants time and space to focus on her career? I'm not sure if that makes sense unless she wasn't into the relationship anymore, or it could also be that you were adding to her stress by not being understanding of how busy she had gotten...

 

But now, you're looking for a way to keep her in any way possible, and also hoping to minimize her interest in other men by remaining intimate, but with no commitment, but keeping your fingers crossed for getting back the relationship.

 

Let me simplify things. Basically, from her perspective you only want to be physical (bottom line) with no strings attached, and you are thereby cheapening the chemistry and memory of your past romantic relationship into a booty call setup. She may go for it, but will probably not want to be your gf again.

 

If you respect her, you will be open and honest about your feelings and ask how you can be a part of her life... tell her you will do what you can to make it work. Don't devalue what you had. Express how much you value it, and how much she means to you. Be respectful.

[TerrapinDragonfly]

To answer your question: Your plan in transparent and manipulative, she wont appreciate it and will figure it out.

 

 

It will always cross your mind to want to eventually be able to be with the person you were dating here and there again, but you are better off just not doing it. You can find a FWB with less strings attached, which is the only way a FWB doesnt get weird.

 

I have a FWB that I have never ever dated and once I started dating some one and then he got a girlfriend we now talk and joke around but it's completely non-sexual and no one would ever even guess we have had so much sex in the past. If he and I were to be single at the same times again, we would probably call one another up. Easy peezy- no confusion or emotions or weird stuff and no heart ache if you do some one else or move on and get exclusive with some one else.