"Unwillingly" settled for FWB - better than nothing?

[HellyaImhopeless]

As my title says, I unwillingly settled for a FWB situation with a guy I had feelings for ages before I even talked to him. Being intimate - even sexually, is better than nothing. Now I realise that by doing that, I have lost all value in his eyes probably, and will never become his girlfriend I just made a mistake sleeping with him too soon. I know all his past relationships have started out sexually, but he still never seem to want to give it a shot.

 

I am 27, but only been in a relationship once, and I didn't know how dating or anything worked - honestly - never even had a 1night stand before!

 

LONG story short:

1 year ago this guy I have crushed on for 2 years asked for my number. He knew from the first night that I was not a person who would enter a fun-no-strings deal, yet thats whats been happening now for the past year. He told me he was looking for something serious and so was I. We started going for drives around the area late at night to talk and spend time together. This would happen every night, and only 6 days after getting my number, we slept together (in his car). Naively, due to no experience, I thought sleeping together would make him attached to me, wanting to persue a relationship, now I have read enough books about the issue to know thats not how guys works, and I learned it too late and with a guy I've had feelings for years. How dumb was I?

 

Fast forward many months, and he still says he doesn't want a relationship. Then fast forward to last week, and whilst making slow soft lovemaking (not during an orgasm lol), he looked me in the eyes and said "can you feel the connection and bonding? "I love this, I don't want it to ever end, loving this feeling" and then he said what shocked me the most..."you know I love you?", I said "what" - I was in SHOCK, thought my mind was going crazy, I've been wanting to hear that for a year, and then he said "you know I love you" again, and I said what (Im a moron), then he quickly said "you want it all over you"?

 

Why would he say that last line when he knows I am in love with him anyway? If that was in the heat of the moment, surely he wouldn't say it twice whilst looking me deep into the eyes whilst on top of me? Then he says "do you still want me after all this time, even though he is always busy and can't ever be on time for anything" and I said yes of course I want you..

 

Is he just wanting my reassurance that he is still wanted? because he knows I am trying to pull away from the FWB situation. I have many times spilt out my feelings to him lately that I am in love with him and its messing me up inside that he doesnt want strings to this, he wants fun-no-strings for now at least, because according to him, he would not commit to me unless his heart is in it 100%.

 

He also said he feels more for me than just a friend, and that two friends shouldn't be feeling such intense connection and bonding, and it must mean more..

 

I have tried pulling away a bit, telling him that I can't do this anymore because I'm in love, and my heart is 100% into this, whilst his heart isn't, so my question then is - is he telling me bu******to give me even MORE false hope to keep me around, to manipulate me, or does he actually love me? 2 days later I questioned him about this, and he said it just slipped out of him, that he loved the feeling I was giving him, but also that some part of him must have meant it.

 

He said "girls always say I love you to each others in a fun way, and thats what he meant, and I said to him "No you do not gaze deep into my eyes and tell me twice you love me if it's not sincere". That's very different thing from 2 girl friends saying "love ya chick" in a fun way...

 

We have now spent EVERY DAY of this year together so far.. and yes I do believe he likes my company, but seriously, every single day? We don't even sleep together every day.

 

I just realised my long story short actually got quite long in the end, sorry about that!

 

We have an agreement that neither of us fool around with anyone else, and his words were that would be cheating, and I have of course been sticking to it, but my gut tells me he has not.

 

My mate that he doesn't know took his number from my phone and started texting him random texts (childish I know), asking to hook up, and he had no idea, and totally fell for it.. he was going out to meet her for sex at the same time as me and him was gonna have dinner, and he told me he had to cancel the dinner, so guess he was going to see her huh?! She then cancelled it cause she was just messing with him, and then suddenly our dinner plans could go ahead as planned again. I confronted him about this the next day and he just claims he played along for the fun - - yeah right, he was busted and I know it, and even after then, I can't stop sleeping with him. I am so messed up!

Edited March 1, 2012 by HellyaImhopeless

[Boo Radley]

Dump him.

 

Learn from this and move on.

[Way2blue]

He's a lying, manipulative cheat. He'll say what he thinks you want to hear to get what he wants. No. FWB is NOT better than nothing! It closes you off to finding someone who will love and respect you! Gain some self worth and dump him! He'll come back saying what he thinks you need to hear. Trust me on this. I just had my third go with mine and realized I will never find love while I'm hung up on him!