6 months and still in denial

[kk33]

Hello everyone. New to the site and looking for some advise and maybe just a place to vent my feelings.

 

Me and my girlfriend of 3 years broke up 6 months ago. It was not a rough breakup, we were able to leave on relatively good terms, but she said somethings that still linger in my mind to this day that have made the coping experience much harder. She insisted we stay friends, and was noticeably upset when I said I didn't think we should. She also insisted that she did not want to move on, and that the possibility of us getting back together in the future was very real. I know these things can be just cliche ways of letting someone down easy, but it truly did feel sincere.

 

Anyway, I went on with NC for over a month, but eventually caved when I was going away for a weekend and felt it was a good ice breaker. In this conversation, she told me I could text her when ever I wanted. For the next little while we started to talk more and more, and after about a month we were talking almost every day, both equally initiating conversation. I got her a small present for her bday, and we had what felt like a really genuine moment when she came to pick it up. That among other signs actually made me feel like we were on the cusp of getting back together.

 

But shortly after, I had some phone issues for a week and we had very little contact for that week. Since then, our conversations started to become less and less frequent and eventually I started to realize that I was the only one who was keeping up the contact, we would go weeks without talking unless I initiated contact.

 

She has insisted since that she still wants to stay in contact, but feels it should be less frequent. So I have decided to completely cut off contacting her in any way, and it's been a full month since our last conversation.

 

So basically that's where we are right now. I'm having a very hard time coping with the situation. I know I should be further along in the post-breakup process than I am, but despite what my head tells me, my heart just refuses to let go. I keep telling myself to accept that it's over and will never happen again, but I still spend every waking hour thinking of her and awaiting the next time we talk (if ever). I live with my father who is gone a lot of the time, I am in university, so I spend a lot of time committed to that, and most of my close friends are in relationships or are busy, so I spend a lot of time alone at home. I've recently started going to the gym 3 days a week and I do play hockey once a week, but still find myself bored, depressed and anxiety ridden most days.

 

And whats worse is shortly before we broke up, she became a waitress at a restaurant I used to work at, a restaurant with a very active party atmosphere between the coworkers. And the further along our breakup has gone on, the more I'm finding out how often she's been going to clubs and binge drinking with her work friends (might I add, binge drinking was an issue she had with me, telling me it's not ok for me to black out, and now I'm fully aware she's doing it on a regular basis). I saw her best friend recently at a bar, and we had a long conversation about her in which her friend was annoyed with how different she seems to be lately, and her friend insisted I don't stop trying to get back together with her.

 

I guess I'll just end the rant there. I know this is a long winded post, but I don't really have anyone to talk to about this stuff, so there's a lot of pent up emotions and thoughts in my head.

 

Any advice, analysis or words of encouragement are very much appreciated.

[Zoroasteros]

Man, it sounds like you have quite the issue on your hand. At least to me personally it sounds like she was quite hurt by the break up considering binge drinking, unless she had a naturally addictive personality prior, is usually a telltale sign of problems. In all honesty, and I've been told that I should offer people a bag of salt when I offer advice, is that you're probably better off just letting things go as is without texting her. Check it, you're probably in pretty good shape, and you're in Uni, so you can devote yourself to classes (much like I did) and the greatest thing of all, is that you're single! I mean, I just broke up with my girlfriend TODAY (SEE my post, under the OP of Zoroasteros for that story) and I love her, not loved, LOVE her still, and yet, I'm thinking about it over and over again and in all honesty, I can start anew.

It sounds like you got tempted by her kindness and the fact that the phone not working for a week (which happens to me too once in a while, stupid Sprint) got you guys back into a funk doesn't imply to me that she was really looking to start things up again. But that's just my humble opinion. To summarise, her binge drinking? she's got an issue to work out (not "SHE HAS ISSUES, OMG, SHE'S A TOTAL BITCH" never said that), but she's definitely working through something mentally. Also, you can get back into the game and still stay her friend, but trust me, there's definitely got to be more fish out in le mer for you brother. Keep my updated.

-Z

[Philosoraptor]

Sounds like she wanted to be friends, and left a bit of false hope, as a method to relieve a bit of guilt. She's moving on and you seem to be sitting there stagnant. Listen to her friend, if this girl wanted to be with you she would be with you. Right now she wants different things so you need to stop contacting her as it's kept you in a stagnant pain, and focus on yourself and what you want out of this world.

[RonChalant]

Being that I recently reached the point where after a 7 year relationship I am finally moving forward I can only tell you one thing...DO NOT CONTACT HER! You are giving her the upper hand by contacting her, thus she has your balls in a vice grip. You said your new to the site...EVERYONE is going to tell you the same thing. In the beginning it's going to be really annoying, and hard to deal with...press on.

 

Ok so she's out partying, and well...getting rammed by random dudes...so what! Go out and have some fun...don't let her define your happiness. Drop off the face of the earth and if she contacts you tell her you need time to yourself...flip the script on her females HATE that. Stick to your guns, if she comes back it's all good but if not...hey you'll find someone else.

 

That's hard to think about right now BELIEVE ME I KNOW...please just live your life. If it's meant to be it shall be