spiderowl Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 I'm not sure what to make of this guy. He's not one for chatting, mostly listens and plays his guitar. I've seen him at a music event many times, for years in fact, but he's always playing and we don't chat. I've had a separate circle of friends that I've spent time talking to there. Just recently, we got talking about some music and he seemed pleased (and so was I). Since then, he's made a point of saying hello and saying goodbye and actually giving me a warm smile, but not much else, though we did talk briefly about journeys home and the areas where each of us lived in the city. He has always seemed a bit intimidating to me as he tends to sit back in the group, not saying much but playing brilliantly. I've heard others say they find him intimidating too, but it's just his remoteness not that he's badly behaved or anything. He is a very talented musician and obviously dedicated. He's never really chatted before now but then I've never been interested before and maybe it showed. It's as if the ice has been broken and he seems warmer now and smiles, but not much more. Things have only changed the past two or three times I've seen him. He seems nice and I'd like to get to know him better, but with my shyness and his reserve it's looking like a tall order. I do get the feeling he's been catching my eye a bit, though not as obviously as others have done in the past, and he is smiling a little. I feel a spark but don't know if it's one-sided or not. I'm not good at showing I'm interested in a guy and don't want to make a fool of myself if he's not remotely interested. Usually, it's more obvious to me than this but I do sense a spark. We had a three-way conversation this evening with a good mutual friend. During the whole exchange he only looked at the friend (male), not me, so that felt a bit weird, but he did say goodbye to me. (I'm 99% certain he's not gay as he's been married twice.) I know I tend to avoid someone's eye myself if I'm attracted to them. Stupid I know. But maybe he does want to avoid me? I'd like more of an indicator from him. How can I tell if this spark is mutual or not? What would you do in his position, if you really were shy and hadn't previously chatted like this? I think he is shy when not playing guitar. I can't imagine him going out of his way to chat me up like other guys might. I've never seen him do that with anyone and also there is the groups thing in that basically everyone would notice if we suddenly started having friendly chats; it would be very obvious as it's a close-knit little society. I'm conscious of that so he probably is too. Link to post Share on other sites
purgatori Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 Not that it's a 100% dead-giveaway, but the not looking at you while in a three-way conversation thing? That resonates with me as the behavior of someone who is either shy around women in general (seems unlikely, given that he's been married twice), or shy around someone he likes. In all likelihood, it means he feels self-conscious and unsure because he's so intent on not making a bad impression. I don't know enough about relationships to be dispensing advice, but I do know an awful lot about what it's like to be shy... and I can tell you that if he does like you, he would be grateful for you taking the initiative. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiderowl Posted March 2, 2012 Author Share Posted March 2, 2012 (edited) Thanks for your response. I did wonder whether it was due to shyness myself. I guess I'll have to see. I can't imagine making a first move as it would feel wrong, but I will continue to be friendly and see what happens. As you say, he must know what to do or he wouldn't have been married twice. What could I do to show I might be interested? To be encouraging without being too forward? He's quite a romantic, I think, sings very romantic, historical songs, so I don't want to spoil this and appear too forward. Edited March 2, 2012 by spiderowl Link to post Share on other sites
purgatori Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 Thanks for your response. I did wonder whether it was due to shyness myself. I guess I'll have to see. I can't imagine making a first move as it would feel wrong, but I will continue to be friendly and see what happens. As you say, he must know what to do or he wouldn't have been married twice. What could I do to show I might be interested? To be encouraging without being too forward? He's quite a romantic, I think, sings very romantic, historical songs, so I don't want to spoil this and appear too forward. Way out of my depth, I'm afraid. Sorry It sounds like you're making decent inroads already, though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiderowl Posted March 11, 2012 Author Share Posted March 11, 2012 Any more thoughts? Just wondering what a shy guy might do to take the initiative and move things forward? As a female, I find I mainly get asked out by confident guys or players so I really don't know how shy guys get anywhere. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted March 11, 2012 Share Posted March 11, 2012 You need to find out why his two marriages ended. That might give you a clue. He sounds a lot like Eric Clapton in his early years and Eric wound up screwing everybody! Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiderowl Posted March 12, 2012 Author Share Posted March 12, 2012 That's a really weird coincidence as I happen to have just read Eric Clapton's autobiography so I know exactly what you mean. You make a good point about the marriages and I do have that at the back of my mind. Let's just say it's one of those questions that will arise, should I get to know him better! Link to post Share on other sites
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