Zoroasteros Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 Hey all, My girlfriend and I of a 1.25 year long relationship (trust me, in college, that's a big feat) broke up today, and I'm starting to feel myself slipping down a long and slipper hill. I went through an INCREDIBLY bad break up about two years ago with my first gf at the end of my freshmen year, and now, half way through my junior year, I don't want the same pain to happen again, ya know. Here's the skinny: We were happy as could be, until about 7 months in she got an internship at juvenile hall helping the youth, and this required a lot, A LOT, of her time. I'm not sure what happened, but either I became a dick and didn't communicate my feelings of feeling left out of her life, or it really was all the work, but basically, things started going bad since then. We never fought per se, it'd just be little arguments considering we're both REALLY stubborn, and it'd be about the stupidest ****. At the 1 year mark, we went to a hot spring resort, and we gave gifts and it was really special, but we still ended up fighting about how I have anger issues (mostly frustration really, I never hit her or lashed out, I just get incredibly frustrated at my failures and take out my anger in a verbal fashion on whomever is nearby, usually her). So, about 3 weeks ago, and since then, we've just been in this funk where she wasn't happy and I could see the telltale signs I've learned from culture over the years; she wanted to hang out with friends more than with me, not as much passion, I would say I love you and she wouldn't respond until I prompted her, and all these little things. Today on a walk to help her clear her brain, I brought up these and we had the most intense discussion ever, which culminated in us crying in public (on a bridge to boot) and saying we'd stay friends, which, IMHO, will happen. We have the same boss (not the same job, so we don't work together, we just see each other around the office randomly). So that's the issue. I have no problem with her, nor she with me, but she's with her best friend, and I lost all my good friends in the aforementioned break up that happened at the end of freshmen year, and I don't really have anyone to talk with and now I don't know what to do with my life before I succumb to this asymptotic feeling of sadness I can feel welling up inside me. I have skyrim, and LoL, and porn, and food, but in all honesty, what do I do? I packed up everything from her in a box, and there was never that much to remind me of her around my room, but I just need something to do. Or really, someone to talk to. So if anyone is inclined just to talk, I'd be really ecstatic, please, just for talking. Thank you for anyone who cares. -Z Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Scorpio Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 For now you just need to keep yourself busy, and this website is great for that. There are literally thousands of stories on here that you can relate to and learn from. Sometimes reading is the best thing for you because it keeps your mind active, whereas movies and music can still allow your mind to wander. If you decide that its simply talking to someone that you need, I'd try googling "coping chat" and see what comes up! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zoroasteros Posted March 2, 2012 Author Share Posted March 2, 2012 I tried that website, but more dirty than helping came up. I just feel like I hurt her and right now she's with her best friend most likely crying and eating chocolate ice cream and having a nice girl's night out, and I A) feel bad about making her sad, and B) am already a pretty diverse guy. Like, I don't go to the gym, so that's first on my list, and I'm currently studying for the MCAT, so I guess I could always study harder. I just want to know some possibilities for what to do with my self to fill that hole in my heart. It's like I knocked over my glass of water and most of it spilled, but there's still a little left in it and I'm not sure if I should just drink that (my current hobbies) or get an entirely new glass (some new hobby). My life kind of revolved around her and now that I have all this time, I'm starting to think that I'm going to regret the break up, which seems moronic and paradoxical, I know. I just...don't know what to do with myself I guess. Btw, nice display pic Link to post Share on other sites
smoothcriminal Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 make a list of things you want to learn or accomplish in X amount of time. for me it was working out more seriously and rededicating myself to basketball. if you dont kno how to dance then i seriously suggest takin up a dance class. it's fun, exercise, and you get to meet new people. on a more serious note, we all kno how difficult break ups are and how hard it is to drag yourself out of that depressing sinking feeling. keeping yourself occupied is really the best way out of this. take the time to be productive and it goes by fast. read up on new books or subjects you dont kno too much about. i took up psychology and philosophy as a daily read. you just gotta keep fighting, it WILL get better Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zoroasteros Posted March 2, 2012 Author Share Posted March 2, 2012 Thanks guys, this has been a real big help in the past 3 hours since I posted this and the past 6 since it happened. I mean, my dad keeps quoting Wilde and saying that I shouldn't get into a loving relationship yet cause I don't want to be a relationship whore, which is understandable, but I'm definitely going to follow you guys's advice and some other friends' advice and work on stuff I've wanted to take up. I may actually use that fishing pole set I got for Xmas! I'll keep an eye on tabs here for resources and helping out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zoroasteros Posted March 3, 2012 Author Share Posted March 3, 2012 So, after one a day of not talking (not because of anger, but by choice, we decided not to talk for the weekend to let us sort things out internally) I've come to some conclusions, and I wanted some feedback. First off, I feel that my attitude towards her is, "I will always have a place in my heart for you, and I will be there for you if you see a future with us together again' but I'm curious, does that put pressure on her? I mean, does that make the entire decision making process up to her? I'm not sure if that's just asking for bad news. Also, I'm being pretty nonchalant to people about the break up, but explaining that it was mutual and all that. Still, people are giving me this look like I'm not aware of what's just happened. Trust me, I know, I cried myself to sleep for the first time in my entire life last night, and I am just putting on a brave face for the outward appearance. Should I show a little more "compassion"? Also, we're not talking for 3 days, should I be worried that she'll come to some crazy epiphany during that time and we'll never talk again? Link to post Share on other sites
brokenheart88 Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 hey, i completely understand where your coming from and i feel the same way about my ex. I love him soo much and i always feel like there will always be a place for him in my heart. its so hard not to think that way, but you have to realize that by telling her you are potentially hurting yourself and chances with her. you two broke up for a reason unfortunately and my telling her those things you are stopping yourself from moving on... you can tell yourself that you will always love her but try and move on as well. you do not want your heart to keep breaking. and no you do not have anything to worry about her coming to some conclusion. 3 days really isnt anything, but you should use that time to reflect on yourself and get better...as hard as it is no contact is the best. let her come to you not the other way around. i know how hard and painful it could be, but you should... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zoroasteros Posted March 3, 2012 Author Share Posted March 3, 2012 I like the logic behind all these responses. My philosophical dilemma of Day 2 of the break up is this. I just , LIKE, LITERALLY 1 HOUR AGO, got promoted by the harbormaster at the dock that I sail at (through an extension class through the Uni I go to) to be able to take out any dinghy I want onto the ocean. Now, here's my question, is this is a post-breakup way of thinking about that accomplishment: "What's the point of succeeding and learning these cool things if I can't share them with the person I love". I mean, I joined sailing to impress her and take her out onto the Monterey Bay, and that's probably still going to happen, but not in the romantic setting I had imagined. Working over that pain, will do that, no prob, but restricting myself from other such cool accomplishments (such as learning how to Scuba, or win an archery tournament), that's just hurting myself right? Can I still participate in these extracurricular activities for the pleasure of knowing I can do that? I'm just not super motivated to go and become a fricking boss at sailing just because I can, I know I can, but is it wrong of me to think that I should only be doing these things for others? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts