New here and struggling with this grief

[SongOfAWoman]

I'm 52 years old. My husband took a job 4 years ago for "us" and never came back. For the first time in 20 years I saw a man, and it felt like love at first sight. My friend with me was shocked. I get asked out (caused as they say, I look pretty good for my age, argh) but I have NEVER shown interest in a man. We went out, and suddenly I knew what I been missing in life. I felt beautiful, and desired and he fell in love with me, as I did him. For the only time in my life I gave someone my complete trust. I knew he had emotional issues, but he LOVED me. I just knew this. I tried very hard to keep that feeling going, but suddenly he did not want to have sex with me, for weeks at a time, and would blow up if I wanted to discuss it. Kept saying it wasn't me. Sometimes he just wouldn't talk to me, or would talk to me with cruelty and put-downs. I told him that HAD to change, there was no reason to talk to me that way. And he got a little better. Until he broke up with me out of nowhere and told me I was a constant nag, and clingy and would not even come into my house because I was crazy. Turns out he had been telling everyone this.

 

He convinced me to move in with him. Just as soon as I actually brought a very little bit of stuff, and added ONE small table between the chairs, I could tell everything was different again. He didn't talk, or touch me, for weeks at a time. If I asked him what was wrong he said I was incapable of leaving him alone. I had to park in a way to barely avoid his motorcycle. I edged forward just a little too far, and it tipped, very slightly and leaned against the wall. It was too heavy to move. He absolutely FLIPPED OUT. He came in, said I should have called him from work, and started grabbing my stuff and screaming to get out or he would call the sheriff.

 

Yet, I still lived for the moment he would be the guy I fell in love with. Maybe 2 or 3 times in 6 months I got that guy. The speech he gave when he dumped me was unbelievable. After all this it seemed to be all my fault. I nagged about sex. I tried to change his personality, I was overbearing and clingly. now, I no longer lived with him, and tried to keep seeing him to 3 or 4 nights so he would have space.

 

Friday he disappeared. Went out of town (NEVER took me anywhere) and wouldn't say where or with who. Never texted me or answered my calls. And its because he knew that was the ONLY thing that would piss me off, and I fired off a lot of nasty texts. I now realize he has done this several times, and told everyone I am just psycho. This man told me last week we were moving into a house together. He told me he was totally trustworthy. None of it was real.

 

And I tell you, it almost hurts more at 52 than it did at 16. I did not think I would ever feel this kind of pain again. And combined with losing my job, my husband and almost to lose my place to live, it was the worst thing that could have happened to me, by me. My sense of self-confidence is nonexistent. I'm wondering...at 16 i knew there was a lot left to happen and things would get better. Now, all these years later people are still cruel, I'm still alone most of the time, and I am really a good friend to others in need.

 

How do you recover when someone finds you during a weak phase, and breaks down every single thing you liked about yourself. I don't know how to date, I can't even face the thought. And feelings were turned on in me that I wish hadn't. It was better not knowing it was out there, even if it wasn't real.

 

I'm just in despair and writing here keeps me from thinking of more nasty things to write to him. I decided yesterday heck with the no contact rule. This man was telling people lies about me, he had hurt me and hurled a lot of my flaws at me, and I damn well was going to respond. I put his key in the envelope I mailed, so if he throws it away without reading it that's what he deserves.

 

JM

[Buttercup84]

He sounds a lot like my ex . Controlling , abusive .

You are not pyscho or clingy .

 

If he suddenly stops affection , you would become " clingy " to fight for affection .

Please do not contact him , I know he is spreading lies but he won't see that it's wrong no matter what you do. Be the strong classy one , because you know the truth . By ignoring it , he will look like the crazy one who keeps going on about it .

 

You need your self esteem back , talk to a therapist , and do not contact him please . I broke nc so many times and it never did me any good .

 

We are all here to talk x

[CopingGal]

I am so very, very sorry about your pain. What are you doing for yourself to help yourself through this rough time?

[Old Flame]

Thats how men make women love them. Gals always want what they can't have.