My boyfriend is telling me to lose weight.

[wuggle]

Your boyfriend is an idiot. You look gorgeous !!

[yukav]

No, she is almost OBESE. People in the USA have a warped sense of what healthy weight is. So many people are grossly overweight that they have lost persepective.

 

Accordinbg to the AMA her average weight should be 118lbs....overweight is 132lbs....obese is 158lbs. she's just a few pounds less than OBESE and not 'on the heavy side'.

 

If she was 'on the heavy side' her boyfriend might want to encourage her to change her destructive lifestyle. with her bordering obesity her boyfriend is being too diplomatic.

 

you don't know anything about my "lifestyle" and you don't know me

[Nightsky]

This me at my current weight.

 

http://a2.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/252076_10150739675920287_752385286_20023763_451950_n.jpg

 

You're cute just be healthy and don't worry. Don't date your bf if he's cruel.

[Lishy]

My advice is to swap your boyfriend for a big cream cake! He is an ass and he should be grateful that you are so sweet ... I would tell him to go get some manly muscles and then come and tell me what I should look like!

 

Men like him make me sick and you seem so sweet ... Good luck honey

[ScienceGal]

Do you have a photo of his body? I'm curious to see how great he looks... or even just what his stats are?

[stillafool]

What part of California do you live? If you live in L.A. or close by, that's the problem. I think you are cute.

[yukav]

I know that you are on the road to being obese. Probably your weight is increasing over the last couple of years.

 

I also know that you have classic displaced denial. You have a serious weight issue...some people are alcoholics...some are drug users... some are grossly overweight..all self-destructive behavior that 'deniers' don't take responsiobility for. It's not about your boyfriend or anyone else. It's YOUR problem.

 

Your OP is you shifting focus from the real issue. The issue you need to deal with is your dangerously unhealthy weight. Folks can tell you that you are 'beautiful' etc, and you are free to lap it up if you want to stay in fantasyland.

 

You don't need to be coddled. You are very fat and most likely less and less attractive to your boyfriend. You need to get off your butt and take responsibility.

 

You're a horrible person.

[wuggle]

I know that you are on the road to being obese. Probably your weight is increasing over the last couple of years.

 

I also know that you have classic displaced denial. You have a serious weight issue...some people are alcoholics...some are drug users... some are grossly overweight..all self-destructive behavior that 'deniers' don't take responsiobility for. It's not about your boyfriend or anyone else. It's YOUR problem.

 

Your OP is you shifting focus from the real issue. The issue you need to deal with is your dangerously unhealthy weight. Folks can tell you that you are 'beautiful' etc, and you are free to lap it up if you want to stay in fantasyland.

 

You don't need to be coddled. You are very fat and most likely less and less attractive to your boyfriend. You need to get off your butt and take responsibility.

 

I put it to you that you 'know' nothing. You are summising a great deal and judging a great deal more. In my opinion you are just wrong. The OP is not fat, and has a very cute face. IMO you Need to stop being so nasty.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I know that you are on the road to being obese. Probably your weight is increasing over the last couple of years.

 

I also know that you have classic displaced denial. You have a serious weight issue...some people are alcoholics...some are drug users... some are grossly overweight..all self-destructive behavior that 'deniers' don't take responsiobility for. It's not about your boyfriend or anyone else. It's YOUR problem.

 

Your OP is you shifting focus from the real issue. The issue you need to deal with is your dangerously unhealthy weight. Folks can tell you that you are 'beautiful' etc, and you are free to lap it up if you want to stay in fantasyland.

 

You don't need to be coddled. You are very fat and most likely less and less attractive to your boyfriend. You need to get off your butt and take responsibility.

 

Do you honestly think that shaming her is going to be helpful in ANY way?

 

OP - put him on IGNORE.

[ScienceGal]

She is overweight, not obese.

 

And it seems she wants and tries to do something about it... she just needs better support and weight loss methods that aren't crazy crash diets.

[moontiger]

First, you are lovely. But actually it doesn't matter; my answer would be the same even if you were 500 lbs.

 

Lose the weight if you want. First, though, I would encourage you to lose the guy. Ask yourself--what would you say if your mom or best friend posted a thread like this?

 

If your boyfriend wants to perfect something, he should start with himself. He should become a perfect partner, and a perfect man, before he starts trying to chip away at you.

 

Being a little overweight--whatever. OK, it's an "imperfection," but it's hardly abusive or destructive of anyone else. It's a normal and innocent sort of imperfection that people overlook around the world, in millions of healthy relationships, every day. And you're even working on it; it's not like you are apathetic about your health.

 

A man being critical and judgmental when he knows it hurts your feelings? That, on the other hand, isn't an innocent quirk or a minor issue. It's him beating up on you to make himself feel better about himself. It's a fundamental personality flaw in a person, that doesn't usually change. If anything is ugly and unattractive, it's that.

 

It's very likely that once you're thin, he'll start picking on you for something else. It's not your looks. It's his personality.

Edited March 3, 2012 by moontiger

[Leigh 87]

If he really loves you, he would be honest with you. He would truly love you, regardless of your weight.

 

I would love my boyfriend, even if he became obese. I would, however, urge him to get help, and point out that staying that unhealthy will greatly diminish the sexual side of things.

 

 

Honestly, I would still love my boyfriend if he gained loads of weight; it is only the sexual side of things that would diminish. It is what it is; love IS always love, it is the sex that can suffer, if weight gets in the way too much.

 

 

Your CUTE:) and you also sound very nice! Do not listen to nasty people who have NO clue about you! I am sure you have better things to do than waste your time listening to such horrible people.

 

 

 

That said, some people do ot understand, that it si difficult for some people to lose weight. It is most definmately NOT your fault, if you have tried to be healthy, do not over eat, and exercise.

 

 

Some people have to work very hard JUST to be a normal weight... You could be one of those people, that needs to work extra hard to shift weight. If this is the case, you need to realise that a lot of people are ignorant, and do not know that genetics, and other factors can mae it hard for people to be a slim weight.

 

 

I am a personal trainer, and getting fit is about feeling good. I like to be slim, I have the body type to be sort of slim, although not sickly... However, if my body was not that way inclined, I would still reap the benifits of being fit and healthy. it feels awesome to be fit, if u are not already, I encourage u to get fit, as it will increase your confidence, and make you confident enough to leave guys like your boyfriend, if they put u down...

 

 

Please ask your boyfriend what he honestly thinks. Ask him if he truly loves you as you are. He might simply want you to lose weight for health reasons, and to make the sex life stronger, and is afraid to tell you.

 

Even if the sex life is affected bu your weight, he could very well still love you. Like I said, I would still love my boyfriend if he gained weight, but I would tell him that the sex life would suffer. I would tell him tio please lose weight, but that I do love him the way he is.

[Lauriebell82]

I had a unhealthy immune system and I'm taking 4 different anti epileptic medicines

 

Ah, I get it. Anti-seizure meds are EVIL. They slow your metabolism and make you fatigued like crazy. They are the reason why I obsess about my weight and have to watch so closely to keep a healthy weight.

 

To lose weight you will have to cut back on your food intake (ESPECIALLY carbs, they pile on weight) and work out daily or almost everyday. For me the ONLY thing that works is running. This is because it counteracts the slow metabolism and enables you to continue to burn food off after you get off the treadmill (or running outside). Believe me, I have tried other means of exercise and nothing has been as effective as running.

 

As far as your boyfriend goes, it's not his job to be your personal trainer. Tell him to keep his comments to himself and lose weight FOR YOU if that is what you want to do. If he doesn't listen then consider whether or not this is the right man for you. Trust me, you are probably going to battle your weight if you are on anti-seizure meds, therefore you will need a partner who is supportive of your weight loss goals, not critical.

[Maxime91]

I do want to lose alittle, but everything I do doesn't work. Its been like that for a few years since I started taking one of my four medicines i have to take.

 

hey there, i might know your problem.

 

simple really, you need to have an athlete's diet, with an athlete's workout.

 

Rule #1: Avoid “white” carbohydrates

 

Avoid any carbohydrate that is — or can be — white. The following foods are thus prohibited, except for within 1.5 hours of finishing a resistance-training workout of at least 20 minutes in length: bread, rice, cereal, potatoes, pasta, and fried food with breading. If you avoid eating anything white, you’ll be safe

 

Rule #2: Eat the same few meals over and over again

 

The most successful dieters, regardless of whether their goal is muscle gain or fat loss, eat the same few meals over and over again. Mix and match, constructing each meal with one from each of the three following groups:

 

Proteins:

Egg whites with one whole egg for flavor

Chicken breast or thigh

Grass-fed organic beef

Pork

 

Legumes:

Lentils

Black beans

Pinto beans

 

Vegetables:

Spinach

Asparagus

Peas

Mixed vegetables

 

Eat as much as you like of the above food items. Just remember: keep it simple. Pick three or four meals and repeat them. Almost all restaurants can give you a salad or vegetables in place of french fries or potatoes. Surprisingly, I have found Mexican food, swapping out rice for vegetables, to be one of the cuisines most conducive to the “slow carb” diet.

 

Most people who go on “low” carbohydrate diets complain of low energy and quit, not because such diets can’t work, but because they consume insufficient calories. A 1/2 cup of rice is 300 calories, whereas a 1/2 cup of spinach is 15 calories! Vegetables are not calorically dense, so it is critical that you add legumes for caloric load.

 

Some athletes eat 6-8x per day to break up caloric load and avoid fat gain. I think this is ridiculously inconvenient. I eat 4-6x per day:

 

8am – breakfast

11am – lunch

3pm – smaller second lunch

5pm - pre-workout snack

5:30-7pm – sports training

7:30pm - post-workout snack

8pm – dinner

10pm – glass of wine/water and Discovery Channel before bed

 

Rule #3: taking a "day off" to eat what you want is bad.

 

some people will say that, for 6 days of eating healthy, you can offer yourself a day off, this is a bad idea as allot of people eat allot of junk food and fattening foods. this means you just ruined your whole week's worth of training and eating healthy.

 

Rule #4: a water rich diet, is always a good diet.

 

Water is the one thing the human body cannot live without, drink LOTS of water, there is no exageration. for example, drink a full glass of water before eating, and another glass of water when eating. this will take up place in your stomach, and thus eating a bit less. plus its good for you! it keeps your blood flowing efficiently, lubricates your joints, and cleans your body!

 

Rule #5: other things to drink than water.

 

no, diet coke is not ok, neither is Lipton's Lemon Ice tea... one VERY good drink to ingest would be vegetable juice. studies show that when drinking a full glass of vegetable juice before eating, you consume in average 128 calories less than without one.

 

another great drink, if your a fan of hot drink, is black green tea. studies show that drinking at leat 2-3 cups a day will make your body burn up to 35% more fat and calories than normal. why? because green tea accelerates your metabolism.

 

things to avoid like any soft drinks, or bottled drinks for that matter. the ONLY bottle drink i suggest you take, and only if your doing MORE than 1 hour of workout, would be Gatorade. wich take me to my 3rd item good to drink: gatorade. drink it only when you do more than 1 hour of workout. why? because gatorade is specifically designed to retake you minerals, and electrolytes that you have lost through sweat. it is THE ONLY comercial drink recommended by Health Canada because of its amount of electrolytes and minerals in one bottle, right in their target zone for recuperating drinks.

 

hope this helps.

 

and honestly a boyfriend who tell you to go workout is someone whos not worthy of you.

[Lauriebell82]

You claim to eat fine fine and work out but are getting extremely fat. I assume you are not delusional so forget any advice here and go see a different doctor.

 

The problem is her medication, it slows down her metabolism so she cannot process food or burn calories as efficiently as someone who is not on those medications. She could eat normally and healthy and work out and STILL be overweight (I've been there).

 

She is going to have to cut her calories and step up her work out to lose weight. Running is the best way to speed up a slow metabolism.

 

Of course I am not a doctor, however my neurologist has told me that the meds are going to cause weight gain so special consideration will have to have to happen in order to ensure a healthy weight (not "thin" but healthy).

[FitChick]

Ask your doctor for other meds without the side effects or if you can lower the dose or eliminate some of them. Google your condition to see what works for others with the same medical condition. Too many doctors throw pills at everything out of ignorance or laziness.

[Mme. Chaucer]

OMG. She has EPILEPSY. It's difficult to control. A live doctor is more appropriate than a Google search.

[The Blue Knight]

I'm 5'6 and also 69 kilos....

 

Why are Californians using Kilos and not pounds? Has France already adopted the Left Coast???

[tman666]

First of all, I'd dump your current boyfriend for so callously expressing his viewpoint. In my opinion, his sentiments basically show that he's concerned about his own ego over your emotional well being.

 

Second of all, if you're on facebook, check out Girls Gone Strong. It's a group of 4-5 very reputable female trainers. It is my opinion that they would be some of the better people to start asking questions to. Their methodologies do not involve any strange crash diets, expensive supplement products ("miracle" weight loss pills), or fad exercise programs. The push solid nutritional and training principles and hard work, which is what success in the body recomposition arena comes down to.

 

Btw, based on your photo, you do not look unhealthy. You're in a great place to start a new lifestyle. Just make sure that you try to eliminate toxic influences (e.g. your tactless boyfriend) on your journey if you want to maximize your success.

[HHC]

I tell him to stop every time he says something but all he says is that he wants me to look better.

Tell him stop it because all you want to feel better

[rickys]

Keep on trying with your diet. But the thing that i must suggest you that you must stay with the positive attitude..........

[Els]

What does your doctor say when you talk to him about possible ways to lose weight while on your current medications? Does he have any advice for you, or does he say that there is nothing much that you can do about it?

 

Secondly, don't bother about the few people here spewing crap at you. One thing you learn about this place is that any thread with the word 'weight' in it, especially by a woman, tends to attract hordes of trolls. To them, it doesn't matter that you have epilepsy, or thyroid dysfunction, or Cushings, or heck, even cancer. To them, anyone who doesn't fit their female body shape ideals is 'lazy' and 'unhealthy'. It might be a good idea for you to lose weight, but clearly controlling your epilepsy and maintaining your general health is by FAR more important. So, if you absolutely have to choose between being thin and being in good health, you should definitely choose the latter.

 

Thirdly, about your bf. Does he KNOW what you have tried and what became of it? And does he know that your weight gain is the result of essential medications? If you tried to explain it to him nicely and he still persists in badgering you, you could try telling him that you feel hurt whenever he says that. If he STILL persists, well, you know your welfare and health comes second to your appearance in his mind. What you choose to do with that information is up to you.

[Lauriebell82]

OP, do you mind saying which medication is making you gain weight?

[Lauriebell82]

What does your doctor say when you talk to him about possible ways to lose weight while on your current medications? Does he have any advice for you, or does he say that there is nothing much that you can do about it?

 

It's been my experience that doctors are NOT very helpful in this area, ESPECIALLY if it if a male doctor. Most of mine have said, "Well would you rather have seizures?" I had to figure it out for myself how I was going to be able to lose weight unfortunately.

[Els]

It's been my experience that doctors are NOT very helpful in this area, ESPECIALLY if it if a male doctor. Most of mine have said, "Well would you rather have seizures?" I had to figure it out for myself how I was going to be able to lose weight unfortunately.

 

If her weight is affecting her health negatively, AFAIK doctors are trained to address that. If they are dismissing the concern, that means that she does not need to lose weight and is already at a medically healthy weight. Either way, the input will be valuable. Your doctors could possibly have said that to you because you were already at a healthy weight and only wanted to lose for aesthetics, and so they wanted to discourage you from putting your health at risk by doing so. And rightly so, IMHO.