My friends make me feel bad about my breasts

[strawberry juice]

It's not like they mock me. But it's an indirect thing. My sister and friends are all busty, while I only have a modest B cup (I know, not flat, it could be worse... but bear with me). They always make joke about their big boobs, they love wearing cleavage (especially when we go out which renders me practically invisible), and I don't know it's like they all have the same body type and thus love validating it by talking about the "wonders" of having big boobs... I've never heard them complain about back pains, or having to buy expensive bras or unwanted attention, 'cause granted, they don't have huge uncomfortable boobs, they're in the big C - D cup range.

 

The thing is all the comments they make that reflect how much better having big breasts is, are getting to me. I've told them in sarcastic ways that all the boob talk makes me feel like I'm less attractive than they are but they just take it badly and go "Ugh, it's not that, you're pretty too" but that's it. I really feel bad about my boobs, really, I wish I had big boobs like they do so I'd feel in their level and not inferior, especially when we go out.

 

Also I've heard my male friends talk about boobs and it's always the same: big boobs are better. They have even commented about my friends' boobs! (when they're not around), they've said something like they have "great racks" that would be anybody's fantasy. I never hear them say the same about small boobs.

 

I have an OK face (I wouldn't say I'm beautiful, but I'm not ugly), but I'm not skinny like Keira Knightley or Kate Hudson or all those hot flat chested women. I'm not fat, but my build is not delicate and tall and "willowy", I'm 5'7" with broad shoulders, a thick ribcage, small waist, wide hips and thick thighs. I can stand to lose some 20 lbs, tops, or else I'll go underweight. I guess I'm pear shaped, which I hate, 'cause losing weight from my thighs is so hard, they have a lot of cellulite (as does my butt) so I don't think that I can make up for my lack of chest with either my butt or legs.

 

I just don't know what to do, I feel so ugly and depressed around them, especially 'cause even our friends prefer them to me, and my personality is just a good (if not better) than theirs. My friends aren't perfect Greek god looking guys - they're average. So what's left for me? In my experience even ugly guys want hot girls, they just settle for below average girls, but that's itm they SETTLE.

 

I'm gonna try and lose as much weight as I can, and tone up some more, but I fear my breasts will get even smaller and I also read that cellulite doesn't go away, not even when you're a size 0 (which I'll never be). I feel i can't compete. I live in a country outside the US and here beauty standards include big breasts, most TV personalities have gotten huge implants on tiny frames.

 

I especially feel self conscious when we go dancing or at the pool/beach. I really hate my breasts, I'm considering surgery but it's so expensive and risky, and I'm only 22, I haven't even had children (but if I'm so unattractive I doubt I ever will). I really don't know what to do I mean, accepting this and forgetting all about it would be blissful, but it's easier said than done, obviously.

[kiss_andmakeup]

I'm sorry that your friends (male and female) have made some insensitive comments.

 

I'm not exactly well-endowed in that area either...I sway between 32B and 32C, both of which are really pretty small.

 

As far as your male friends go, and this is assuming they're around your age...they're just being guys. It's a macho, competitive, alpha male thing. If a bunch of young guys are in a group and one guy says "man, I love so-and-so's big rack," of COURSE the rest of the guys in the group are going to go "uh huh, me too!" They all just want to be big, macho, alpha dogs who like big ol' boobies. The guy who speaks up and says "actually I think so-and-so's smaller boobs are nicer" is going to be labeled some derogatory gay slur and made fun of.

 

However, I'm not naive, and I'm sure the majority (although not necessarily the vast majority) prefer larger breasts to smaller. But most guys I've talked to say as long as you're out of mosquito-bite territory, you're fine (and some guys even like that, of course). A man who falls in love with you will adore your body as it is because it's yours. Maybe he'll be an ass-and-hips man who likes your pear shaped body (those guys are DEFINITELY out there!) and really doesn't give a hoot about your breasts. Maybe he'll be a guy who happens to like small to average sized breasts.

 

As far as the female friends go, there are a lot of factors that could be fueling their insensitive comments. They could just actually be oblivious to how much their comments bother you. You say you've mentioned it to them, but you said you've only mentioned it sarcastically, so they could just think you're just joking around and that it doesn't actually bother you. They could just be joking around, being girls, and maybe you need to grow some thicker skin.

 

But if you emphasize that this makes you feel self-conscious, and they continue to rub it in your face, then my guess is that they're a bit insecure and they're using the one thing they are secure about - their breast size - to compensate.

 

I had a friend like this. Actually we've been friends since high school. She struggled in school, dated jerks who treated her like rubbish, got pregnant young, and dropped out of high school. Now she lives with a jerk of a boyfriend, jumps from dead-end job to dead-end job, and has an extremely dysfunctional relationship with her family. I, on the other hand, have always dated relatively nice guys who are good to me, done well in school and in my career, and had a good relationship with my family. She is pretty significantly overweight now (verging on morbidly obese), but even when we were younger and she was thinner she always had a pretty huge chest. And ever since we were teens she'd find little passive-but-obvious ways to jab at my relative lack of cleavage (when discussing shopping: "I bet you can buy bras at the teeny-bopper stores because you're so small; I have to go to a special store to find a big enough bra." Or when we we'd be out at a club: "Well you definitely won't have to worry about some guy creepin' on you because of your cleavage."). We were once having a discussion about men and how they're all attracted to different things, and she even said "Yeah, like for example Mike (her boyfriend) told me he thinks you're too skinny and flat for him to be attracted to but obviously your boyfriend thinks you're hot."

 

I'd never dream of making some kind of cheap dig at her sh*tty boyfriends, her failed professional life, her weight problem, or her dysfunctional family. But she remembers how insecure I was about my chest when we were growing up and uses it to have something to "one-up" me with.

 

I'm not saying your situation is necessarily this extreme. But I DO think your friends are being insensitive, and I do think it's likely they're insecure on some level. Just like grade school girls pick on other girls to make themselves feel better.

 

None of this is going to make you feel better if you don't love your body, though. Learn to accept yourself as you are and realize that there are guys out there who will think you are beautiful just the way you are.

Edited March 3, 2012 by kiss_andmakeup

[youngster]

Your friends seem a little conceited, feeding off of one another with all of their boobie talk. That would be a fat turn off for me. As a guy, let me tell you that confidence is a very attractive quality in a woman. Think of the type of guy that would approach you cause you have nice breast.. Is that someone you really want to date?

 

I think it could be beneficial for you to learn to love the skin you're in, and catch and keep a good guy that'll do the same. I have had far more intimate relationships with women with less then perfect bodies than the women with great bodies (including women with surgery.... Totally not my thing)

[SongOfAWoman]

I was a fat kid, a fat high schooler, and an obese college student. I could barely walk to class without someone making fun of the size of my butt. My friends did it time and time again too, even after I told them it hurt my feelings. I don't know why people feel the need to hurt you.

 

The strange thing is, I lost over 100 pounds (through the college poverty Ramon diet) without really noticing that much, except for a few new clothes. And I went from the shy kid being made fun of to being absolutely gorgeous. If you think that's an easy transition, think again. At first when people made comments I still thought they were making fun of me. When a hot guy came up to me I looked around to see who he was trying to talk to. I met another girl at work and we became friends. She was the most beautiful women I'd ever seen! When we walked in a place every head would turn. You could HEAR it. She didn't have many female friends because they couldn't handle feeling invisible next to her, but she didn't even seem aware of her affect on people, and was one of the kindest, sweetest people I ever knew.

 

The point of this, here we both were at pretty much our peak. (this was 20 years ago) Pretty, smart, nice. And we both discovered that the better we looked the more people picked us apart. I never understood it. Maybe I was more sensitive to people's feelings, but I would never, ever do that to another person. But we were fair game. I don't know why people need to feel good about themselves sometimes by trying to make YOU feel bad. Don't worry about it at all. And don't put yourself down. When you feel beautiful you ARE beautiful.

[USMCHokie]

Smaller boobs = winning.

[Els]

If it affects you this much, I have only two suggestions:

 

1) talk to a therapist, because most girls with small breasts don't feel that horrible about it

2) live in a community where yours are large. Where I come from, the majority of girls are an A-B cup, though if you are that conscious about body image, living there might not help you, because the majority of girls are also <120 lbs.

 

I think it'll get better with age, frankly. The behaviour of your friends, and the men you encounter. There are plenty of babies living in grown men's bodies, but my experience has been that in general, the more mature men fixate less on looks and arbitrary definitions of beauty. If you are meeting men of the same age as you, a large number of them still have quite a bit of maturing to do. Perhaps try mixing with an older crowd?

Edited March 3, 2012 by Elswyth

[SincereOnlineGuy]

My friends make me feel bad about my breasts

 

 

 

It disappoints me to know of a woman feeling so self conscious as described, and I think that the feelings you describe are approximately 90% 'you' and merely 10% having some substance to feel inferior.

 

It is likely that you are at present entirely 'viable' socially even in the same circle of friends you now exist. What if the idea is to reduce the effects of somehow wanting to be someone else, regardless of the criteria by which you determine who and how you wish to be?

 

I really don't know what to suggest to inspire you to wake up tomorrow morning and know a brand new vantage point on the world, but at least consider that it isn't your chest that is your major challenge here.

[Star Gazer]

Smaller boobs = winning.

 

Of course, you say this now. Truth is, some men prefer small boobs, others like big boobs, and even more like somewhere in between.

 

But what's important is that the OP love her boobs - who cares what anyone else thinks.

[Nightsky]

I'm a man who loves all boobs as long as they are attached to a beautiful woman. Love yourself girl!

[strawberry juice]

Think of the type of guy that would approach you cause you have nice breast.. Is that someone you really want to date?

 

Good point, although I also wouldn't want to date a guy who doesn't think my breasts are nice and who is only settling for my body (been there, done that, got the t-shirt). I have been with guys who have commented that my breasts are too small. I'm scared that any guy who is with me will think bigger breasts are better, and even if that guy keeps quiet about it, that he'll secretly wish I was bustier. I guess I fear that because I see most guys react really positively to big breasts, while they don't react or react negatively to small breasts.