KitKat1 Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 Hi. I'm hoping posting on this forum can bring me some help. I am a complete mess. I have not eaten much since last Weds. I went from 116 to 105 and am so weak I can hardly get up and do anything. I keep feeling this wave of anxiety in my tummy and pacing back and forth seems to be the only thing that helps. I feel like I'm going crazy and I am scared. My mom has come to stay with me, but she feels helpless too. Nothing seems to calm my nerves. Going out is just constant reminders of what we have been out doing. (all seemed fine just last sunday with us) I found out last night that he is hanging out with a new group of friends and a certain girl in particular. Link to post Share on other sites
Buttercup84 Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 I am so sorry for your pain , can you tell us what exactly happened ? You must eat , what is your favourite meal ? at least eat something small .Try and make it something healthy , you need the energy . Make sure you drink plenty of water too . x Link to post Share on other sites
nick d Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 I'm so sorry you are going through this! I am going through the same thing right now. My ex fiancé is out dating already while I'm miserable. Your not alone.. I've found that just talking about it to friends and family helps alot. And posting on this forum has helped me a great deal. I've been trying to eat good and workout more. Maybe try that? It seems to give me a little bit of happiness. If you need someone to talk to, I'm here for you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author KitKat1 Posted March 3, 2012 Author Share Posted March 3, 2012 It's complicated all that happened over two years. Basically he was going through a divorce when we became friends. Big mistake there, believe me I know! But our relationship grew and it was so awesome. We never fought, had so much fun, just loved so much. This past fall he started saying things about feeling like it was going too fast etc. He wanted to kind of put a hold on things for a few months, but remain close. I had a hard time with that. We tried to make it work and he did continue to show affection, but it was just difficult. Anyways things seemed to be going well, he was being more affectionate lately telling me how much he loved being with me and then Weds tells me as he is walking into the doctors he really is scared about marriage etc. He never called me back after that conversation or responded to texts. I got an email a day later saying he just needed some space to think about what he wants and to please give him time. Two days later he emailed again saying hes still thinking of me and wondering how I'm holding up and thank you for respecting his space. Stupid me was trying to remain calm and do what he asked. Well my gut kept saying something was up. I went by his house and saw a car there. Long story short turns out he's been hanging out with this female cop and her co workers. He said there is nothing there at all, they have just met for some meals and he just thinks shes cool. Im like ok, what about me? he said he thinks he just wants to stay single because he likes being alone. He loves spending time with me, but not sure he wants more. I said so what about her? He said nothing....then says, well idk. I said is it known your with this woman and he says I've been telling my co workers this week I'm seeing her. I said what the heck!? He said he liked the attention he was getting because everyone was so happy for him. Thats just sick. I helped this guy through so much, loved as hard as I ever have and he continued to tell me he was in love just didn't want to rush into marriage because his last one was so hard and I fell for it all. He really did spend most everyday with me, but he works the night shift so they probably met up for breakfasts and stuff. After catching him in several lies he started getting defensive and said to leave him alone and when he's ready to talk he will talk to me and will know more. My mom just made me some soup. I'm going to see if I can eat... Link to post Share on other sites
Author KitKat1 Posted March 3, 2012 Author Share Posted March 3, 2012 Thank you Nick. Maybe talking to others here will help. My friends and family are doing their best, but they aren't going through it. The pain is just so bad and my constant best friend is suddenly gone so there is a little fear of being alone again. Link to post Share on other sites
nick d Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 Thank you Nick. Maybe talking to others here will help. My friends and family are doing their best, but they aren't going through it. The pain is just so bad and my constant best friend is suddenly gone so there is a little fear of being alone again. That's exactly how I feel! My friends don't understand 100% but its good to spill your feelings out to them. You will feel better after. And I feel as if I have lost my best friend/soul mate as well. But if they don't want to be with us, why should we want them? I too have a fear of being alone.. But I have faith that everything truly does happen for a reason. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KitKat1 Posted March 3, 2012 Author Share Posted March 3, 2012 I'm sorry you are feeling the same. I'm glad I found out the truth and now I see how he really is. I don't deserve that. I have such a huge heart and I was so good to him. Funny for so long he said he felt I was his dream girl. I'm girlie, sweet, soft spoken and that is what he always wanted. (His previous wife was a screamer) Now he wants to be with a cop who I have heard has a mouth on her. You wonder who the heck you have been with all of this time. I don't forsee it working out with her....maybe he'll get his heart broken. Link to post Share on other sites
nick d Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 You'll find a guy that really deserves you and treats you like a queen! And thats how you deserve to be treated, no less! You have a big heart and any guy would be lucky to have you in their life! He will realize eventually he made a BIG mistake! And by the time you will have met prince charming so you can turn him away! Link to post Share on other sites
Author KitKat1 Posted March 3, 2012 Author Share Posted March 3, 2012 I would like to think that, but I'm scared about it. I know I'm looking back at all the good with us right now and feeling like I'll never find it, but I have to remind myself of all of this stuff he's been doing! Funny how your brain blocks that out at a time like this. I even for a minute found myself feeling bad that I caused this because I wanted his love to much and didn't respect his space. Ugh....thank you so much for your kind words. You're sweet. I really hope that he realizes what he lost eventually. Link to post Share on other sites
twinkles Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 Kit Kat, I know who difficult this has been for you and I'm so sorry you are going through this. I'm going to be very honest with you. Remember how last fall he said to you it was going too fast? That should have been the first indication that this relationship is going no where fast. I know when you feel so much love all you want is for things to work out and it seems like you really made an effort to give him that love. He doesn't want to be single and alone, he wants to be single and keep his options open. Why is he telling his co-workers he is seeing this cop when you are the one in his life. Didn't he tell them about you? How nice of him to call and ask you how you are doing.(sarcastic) You know when someone really loves you they do not treat you like this. Him thanking you for giving him his space geez. Always trust your instincts. You knew something was up and you were right. There he is entertaining another woman in his home. Don't kid yourself into thinking it was just a friendly housecall. All the things that are going through your mind are probably quite accurate. Kick this guy to the curb. Yes he most likely will be back after things don't work out with this cop. He is just keeping you on the back burner. Get off the stove my lovely girl and when he contacts you just ignore him. If you continue to see him while all this is going on he will only lose respect for you and you will become a girl that he comes to when he needs affection. When a man loves you he wants to be with you and plan a future with you. He is not scared he is excited about the future. The future with you. You deserve so much better than this. You do not deserve to be second choice. You deserve a man who is ready to jump to the plate and be your one and only. I know it's going to be hard for now but as the days pass you will become stronger and stronger. Start going out places. Go to a store, bring a book to a coffee shop, go for a walk. Just take baby steps. This will pass. Eat your soup. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KitKat1 Posted March 3, 2012 Author Share Posted March 3, 2012 Twinkles, all that you said is very helpful. I need to hear this. Even though my heart knows it, hearing others say it makes a difference. He said he talked about me at work, but now I figure he didn't or didn't refer to me as a girlfriend. Looking back there were so many clues. I know he says he was trying to have some distance and I wouldn't accept it, but you don't kiss and hold someone if you really mean distance. Now I'm left with all these emotions and it doesn't phase him. Yeah as far as the car being at his home. It was his day to sleep for the night shift. His normal schedule is sleep until 5. Funny her car was there at 3 until he went to work. Yet he made the exception to stay up with her so she could pick up his taxes. Yeah, dumbest excuse I've heard. Oh and if they just started hanging this week like he said, he's already inviting her over to come do his taxes for him. He knew how much I loved him and kept trying to make things right and I really feel he thinks I wasn't going anywhere. Well he just lost the best thing. I even told him yesterday you found a diamond with me....good luck finding that again. I'm trying to take this minute by minute. Oh and I did eat my soup Link to post Share on other sites
Old Flame Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 I'm always amazed at the way people who get dumped try to keep tabs on the dumper. I"ve been dumped, and I've dumped. When I dump, I never think about, or keep tabs on the dumped. So when I get dumped, I figure they aren't thinking about or keeping tabs on me. I know it hurts to get dumped, but sooner or later you have to ask yourself why you think about or keep tabs on someone who doesn't give you a thought or care how you are doing. I think when you get dumped, you have this mental void that needs filled. You used to always think about the one who dumped you while you were together, and you imagined good things. When you get dumped, you still think about them, but you don't imagine good or fun things. You need to fill that imagine void with good things and fun things. When a strong love dumped me, I found that all my thoughts were sad, I knew that I needed to fill my thoights with happy thoughts. You mind is your enemy. I always wanted to learn to play saxophone, so I bought a sax and took lessons and learned to play. I soon was able to play songs i always liked. I found my mind was occupied with happy thoughts of playing music. When my mind went back to my ex, i just picked up my sax and played. I filled the void with stuff that made me happy. Books can do it too. I bought a metal detector to replace the last girl that dumped me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KitKat1 Posted March 3, 2012 Author Share Posted March 3, 2012 Well this just happened yesterday so it's not like I can stop thinking about it yet. I mean finding out officially about the other girl is hard. I only went looking for an answer this week because he left me hanging and I felt I needed to know for myself to relieve that doubt and what if. I will not be keeping tabs on him from now on. I have no reason to. He's a jerk. I'm hoping this week I will start to emerge from this fog and can try doing somethings to occupy my mind. Link to post Share on other sites
twinkles Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 Good for you for checking up on him...some people may disagree..but when something doesn't sit right with you you need answers. If her car was there at three that means she was probably with him while he was sleeping. Don't let this guy make a fool out of you and don't you beg or plead for anything with him. You show him that you respect yourself enough to decide that you will not put up with this behaviour. I know you are scared right now, everyone is after a break up but you will absolutely find someone new. Not today or tomorrow but one day. Cry if you have to, get mad if you have to believe me it will all pass. You only invested two years with this guy thank goodness it wasn't more time...it could have easily carried on for much longer. Please try to be strong and don't fall for his excuses or his I miss you's...they mean nothing. As it looks, he has broken your trust and believe me when I say he most likely will do it again. You are right this is not phasing him one bit. He's out there having a grand old time while your heart is breaking. It just doesn't seem fair does it. I feel so sad for you...we all do. Just do your best to take care of yourself. That punched in the gut feeling will go away. You are a diamond so get out there and sparkle. Link to post Share on other sites
twinkles Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 OLD FLAME... You are reading Kit's situation all wrong. This jackass is keeping her on his waiting list while he is persuing his other options. It's best that she learn the truth about this guy and what he is up to rather than sit by like a desperado. Kit when he calls you please find the courage to dump him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KitKat1 Posted March 3, 2012 Author Share Posted March 3, 2012 Twinkles, Thanks for backing me up about checking up on him. I'm glad I followed my gut. Just think, I'd still be waiting to hear back from him when he's out with some girl and I'm over feeling all anxious. I WILL not be taking him back should he ever ask. I don't forsee him coming back anytime soon....he's going to play the field for a while I'm sure. If I have to go through all this pain and work through it there is no way I would even want contact with him again because it's just going to make me go backwards. Your comments are so helpful Twinkles. I wish there was a private email option on here. I would like to talk to you Link to post Share on other sites
twinkles Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 mdf711 at gmail dot com Link to post Share on other sites
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