Why does he want to date other people?

[CurvyGurl]

Hmmm seems to me that if he thought you were the woman of his dreams, he would move out of that house, buy a home for you to move to and make arrangements for you two to see each other more often- not replace you with another woman.

 

 

I fear he is making his move to break if off. I would want to beat him to the punch, but that is just me.

[somebody]

Cupcake I was in your shoes just recently, although it was not an LDR, but this guy had a long history of bad relationships, he had either dated older women or had LDRs so that he could be open. Initially he told me that he wants to settle down and that I should move in woth him and everything, it was too early for that so I declined, he kept on insisting for commitment, and exclusivity. Finally I gave it to him. As soon as the hunter (my ex) got my commitment he started acting weird, mean, rude and nasty. He started finding faults with me, etc. Finally he told me that we should date other people. I tried to break up, but he got all emotional started calling me a lot, telling me that he is not dating anybody (as if ...) etc. and he really cares for me, and he wants to be friends. I told him that it is not easy for me, but he had suddenly turned so sweet that I gave in. As soon as that happened he went back to his mean, rude self again, spends all Saturday nights with a female friend (whose BF is supposedly out of town). Told me that he cares about me a lot and doesn't want to break up!! but doesn't want to be exclusive either. He lied and denied about ever trying to be exclusive with me. Finally I told him that I cannot be friends with him, at least for now (he of course again insisted that I should). He still insists that we have a future together??????? I hope this time around the break up is final and he won't try to convince me to be attached to him while he fools around. Anyways, even if he does, this time around he is not going to take control. I feel like a complete fool, having fallen for the trickery of a jerk like him. P.S. I considered myself a sensible and intelligent woman, so it jsut feels bad to realize that I am not.

[Cupcake]

Curvygurl makes a good point. It makes all the sense in the world that if two people really love each other, they would find ways to make it work, instead of making things worse. In my case, the distance, supposedly, was the problem that was causing all the other problems. In that case, we should have made attempts to see each other more. And if my xbf really wanted me to move in with him, he should have had some place for me to move into.

 

That visit in December was the last time that I've seen my xbf. During that visit, I finally gave him my new phone number. I've matured a lot after breaking up with him. I realized that part of the reason that I changed the number was because it was hard for me to face being rejected by him. No matter how much he harrassed me, he still didn't want me. He just wanted me to keep wanting him. But now, instead of forcing him out of my life, I have choosen to fianally allow him to go out of my life.

 

In all this time that he didn't have my number, he has been emailing me and blaming me for not giving our relationship a chance. He has been insisting that he is a changed man. By giving him my phone number, I gave him the chance that he insisted he needed. Now, I don't have to feel guilty or take the blame for not being forgiving enough. Guess what has happened!

 

After I finally gave him the number, he didn't call me until a month later, and that was only to check and see if I still loved him, & if I wanted to be with him sometime in the future. I assured him that I still wanted those things. But he said,

 

"I'm soo happy to know that. Right now, I'm seeing someone whom I know is not the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. She has basically been my 'sex buddy' for all this time. But I'm not going to just break up with her because I have a lot of respect for her. Eventually, I will come back to you and give you the full love and commitment that you need. But just not right now. Until then, I would like for you not to become intimately, or seriously involved with anyone else. If you ever need anything, just come to me. I will be here for you. I love you more than anyone else in the world, except my son."

 

Suprisingly, the woman he's dating right now is the same woman who emailed me six months ago. The same woman he began dating before we broke up. And he's just telling me the same stuff now as he was saying before, which is ultimately the reason I broke up with him. It didn't work then. He has a lot of nerve to think it will work now. What's worse, his new girlfriend also has my cell phone number now that I've given it to him. She called me one day, just to see if it was my number. But she didn't say anything. She just hung up. I knew it was her because she didn't block her number. I remembered her number from the time I called her to see who she was during the time that I was dating my XBF, who is now her BF.

 

Some things never change. But I have changed in that I don't want to be involved with my XBF again. Not even as friends. By putting my foot down, he realizes that he can't take advantage of me anymore.