mandy may Posted June 7, 2004 Share Posted June 7, 2004 here is something that i have been thinking about for a while now well since like last summer when we went to visit my family. it seems we all have our place in the family and that even as old as we are we still have that place. for instance, i am the youngest of seven kids, two are deceased but still that is my place in the family, i am the baby. okay at times my sisters still refer to me as the baby in the family even though i am old, lets just say very old, lol. okay, so my sister emailed me the other day telling me of some financial problems and some work related issues. a first basically for her to confide in me, she probably would not of done so in person. so i told her not to worry about them idiots at her job, etc. i gave her some ideas and thoughts on her financial situation, and i know she did not take any one of them but i did my best. so then she emailed me back and said something about how wise i am, lol, or how thoughtful all that was that i had said, she was very pleased with my answers to her and my offer to help her out some financially if i could. she refused and that is okay too. so you know though it is like a pecking order. i am the youngest and expected to act that same way as we did when we were kids. i play the stupid part, i play the helpless part, i play the victim, i play the asking the questions game to keep conversation going, etc. how do you break out of this script is what i want to know! Link to post Share on other sites
Shindig Posted June 8, 2004 Share Posted June 8, 2004 I'm the youngest of three by ten and eight years. Breaking out of the pecking order is about deeds. As you proved with your sister when she confided in you, you don't even need to try. If they don't see you for the mature and wise person you are, they're obviously not paying attention. Just ask yourself how much effort you want to put into trying to get their attention and ask yourself what means you're willing to go to in order to 'prove yourself'. Once you've decided on these things, it'll be a lot easier to decide how to go about it. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
aruba_boy Posted June 13, 2004 Share Posted June 13, 2004 A sociologist from NY city hospital system just published a VERY readable book about this very subject. He answers your question within the first 3 chapters. Basically - and I'm sorry to rain on your parade - the pecking order that is established in your youth through actions and circumstances completely out of your control (namely, birth order, parental skill, and ESPECIALLY family size) dictates where you land in the family pecking order. And unless you make extraordinary efforts to break out of the pecking order mold into whence you are born, it will not change. Ever. A good example that he uses of how somebody can make those extraordinary efforts is Bill Clinton, as compared with his drug-addled brother George. I don't care for either Clinton, but I recognize that he came from a very humble background and worked his butt off to become leader of the free world. Link to post Share on other sites
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