hurt from a break up

[brokenheart88]

hi im new to this site.... im sorry its soo long but i need to explain the story.

 

so i guess i should say a brief about my story with this guy. My ex and i have known each other for 5 years before we finally decided to date. Since the day we both met we've had feelings for each other. we were sorta good friends too...I never admitted it to myself but he always knew. even when he was dating 2 other girls he still had feelings for me. It was so obvious that his ex was completely jealous and forbade him from being around me. Even the guy i dating at the time realized this guy had feelings for me. i was clueless and didnt act on it and he didnt try anything because he thought i was a virgin.

 

well anyways we finally decided to start admitting to our feelings last year. it sucked though because i was still in school in long island and he lived upstate almost 6 hours away. but we still decided to give it a go. the relationship was crazy because he kept breaking up with me. we kept going on and off. but i realized i really love him and that hes extremely insecure, plus the fact that its long distance its hard. so for the 4th and final time last aug we broke up. we still spoke for the next month and kept telling me he loves me more than anyone, but he cant deal with the distance. he wanted us to try again, possibly in the future. Since me and my friends had decided to move up there a while back.

 

unfortunately one day when we were texting he said something that hurt me. he had no clue something like that is going to so much, so i dont blame him. but my bff called him and yelled at him to apologize and stated that he shouldnt tell me that she called him. he agreed only if she kept a secret. when she asked what it was, he told her he was completely over me and that he just wanted to hook up with me, that she should find me a new bf so i could move one to. (also this was 2 weeks after he was telling me how he missed me like crazy and a 3 weeks after he kept telling me how much he loved me and how worried he was) obviously she told me immediately, when i tried to talk to him about it he kept ignoring me saying he doesnt want drama so i had to leave it alone and move on. but he decides to call my bff and try to yell at her for telling me what he said. She yelled at him back saying that it was all bs what he said that he was making **** up so he could feel better and that hes and idiot for thinking she would keep it a secret. he shut up and said he didnt care and said bye to her.

 

after that i never made contact with him. he texted me on my bday which was around halloween and asked what i did. i told him costume party (this was the 1st contact in a while) and he asked me to send him a pic of myself. when i asked him why he never responded... but decided to comment after he saw it on my profile and start to flirt with me.

 

besides that i went upstate again w/ some friends to apartment hunt. my friend texted him asking him a question... he found out i was upstate and immediately texted me asking me why i didnt tell him i was there. i told him i did when i asked him about the neighborhoods there (asked him b/c hes the only person we know that lives there)

 

then he contacts me in the middle of jan that he was coming down to visit and he implied he wanted to see me, but he never did come down.

 

again in the end of jan, i was going away on vacation with my friends and i kept making stauts about how i was excited about my weekend. and again suddenly he randomly texts me asking me what i was so excited about. i just gave him a quick response and said bye.

 

and then he contacts me again around valentine's day. asking me about my job, if im still deciding to move upstate. and starts flirting like crazy with me. he also started to comment on my facebook status' and tease my best friend (i wanna state that this is how he basically tells a girl he likes them and tries to involve the best friend tooo...)

 

 

i just dont know whats going on. i never got closure. and i was friends with his ex gf and she told me everything. and his other ex gf is best friends with my best friends sister coincidentally so i found out stuff through her to. i know that one of them hates his guts. the one that i was friends with got cheated on, but forgave him. and both have said that even after the break up he kept pushing them (idk how) but tried to get back together with them or flirted with them or something. that finally they were the ones to truly end it with him.

 

ive been trying to live my life and save money to move out of my parents house. ive tried dating but i realized i cant because i still have feelings for him and i dont like rebounds. but even though im not scared that im not truly with him, i still love him soo much. i dont think ive truly moved on. and its even harder because i dont understand what hes doing or whats going on.

 

i just dont know.