xztjohn Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 i always thought that after a break up there is hardly any contact at all between you and your ex. my ex still contacts me from the time to time. asking small questions like "i hope you are doing well" and "i hope you are happy." i get unknown calls ever since we broke up, i pick up but no one answers. do you guys think its my ex? have you guys ever done that ? Link to post Share on other sites
Stncldgent Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 to clear their conscience, or just checking to see if they still have you on the hook. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author xztjohn Posted March 3, 2012 Author Share Posted March 3, 2012 so you dont think its because they want you back? Link to post Share on other sites
mike588 Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 so you dont think its because they want you back? They COULD? It doesn't necessary mean that they do. Some do and others just want to rid themselves of the guilt. They may also see how you react so they can keep you as a backup. Whatever you do..if you want her back is not to come across as needy...desperate..thats a turnoff!!! Act like you don't care..that your ok and have moved on. Link to post Share on other sites
Stncldgent Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 not unless they specifically say it, asking how you are and if you are happy are basic probing questions, they want to see if you will answer. They might have seen something that reminded them of you and felt bad about how they broke your heart. My ex sent me a text asking if I had a great birthday, while she was hanging out with her new boyfriend. I never answered her...... read nothing into the probing questions that you will get, if they really cared about how you are they would still be with you. Not trying to reach out in a faceless text, email or phone call. Link to post Share on other sites
mike588 Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 Mine contacted me 6 months after dumping me saying shes so sorry for hurting me and she regrets it but nothing about wanting to get back together....she was just ridding herself of the guilt she's been carrying around after I was so good to her. Link to post Share on other sites
leoc1973 Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 john I found a new app that allows you to unmask a blocked number. My phone used to get them all the time I don't get them anymore but I wish I knew about it before. I forgot the name of it but its something buster or something like that. Oh and my ex did the same thing to me and always told me she missed me, missed us, loved me, but soon as I would say something like lets give us another try she would say no it can't work and I wouln't hear from her again for another month. People always gave me the advice of ignoring her and she would eventually come running back but I never did. Now that I am seeing someone new she seems to be sniffing around but its too late for us too much damage has been done by her. I used to get a message every month to month and a half. I started seeing someone new and then the messages started every day. Then she heard I broke up with the new girl and it went right back to a month or so. Now I am seeing someone new again and the messages started coming ever other day again and since I am not interested this time its getting to be every day. I have a theory. I think an ex will break up with you knowing they can have you back whenever they want. Then when you start slipping away it hits them that it might really be forever. I really feel that this is when they actually want you back. They have to feel that loss that you feel right now but they don't feel it yet cause they haven't lost anything. I know you will hear lots of reasons they contact you like to feed their ego or guilt or whatever but I really feel that my theory is true. People will do what ever you let them get away with and when you are finding someone new they fell that their "fun" is over and they better come back before its too late. This has happened to me in every relationship I have ever had. I started the thread "they always come back" check it out if you get a chance. And its only my personal experience so I don't know if it just happened to work out that way or I am on to something. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
g450 Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 Doesnt mean a damn thing and that is the way you should look at it. Even in my case my XW talked to me a few days ago and told me I was moving too fast because I was getting remarried two years post divorce. So what does she care? Easy answer, she doesnt. Doesnt mean squate. I am no longer putting my life on hold. I did that for over a year and it just made me misserable and alone. Trust me on this, been there, done that. If you try to overanalize every little thing she does you will drive yourself insane. Just let it go and get on with your life. Link to post Share on other sites
sweetheart5381 Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 to clear their conscience, or just checking to see if they still have you on the hook. Yes I agree with this... I think it's mostly to see if they still have you hooked. I broke contact with my ex completely 2 weeks ago - was texting him too much (so he said) to resolve any bad feelings, as he always had me guessing how he felt and I wanted a peaceful ending (he ended it, wanting space then broke up with me for contacting him during his space). He insulted me for communicating with him, said he didnt care about me, to move on and go away. It hurt bad so I told him "f**k you", don't need you or your friendship (we work in the same dept and see each other regularly). Have not contacted him since. Not a word, not even a glance. He spent a big part of this past week trying to get my attention, but I won't budge. No contact, no need for it now. Today, I gave him his "space" aka we are "done" and no one else was around (in smoking area). He cracked and stormed out of the smoking area when I appeared and I didnt acknowledge him there. He didnt even light his cigarette, just stormed off, like a child. Bottom line, they just want to know you are hooked - don't take the bait. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xztjohn Posted March 4, 2012 Author Share Posted March 4, 2012 yeah so true, its funny how she put me through so much **** and when I told her its over, thats when she really wanted me back. I just ignored her for little over a month. I think the whole unknown calling thing is pretty weird, I bet you its her. She heard that I was going to a big party yesterday and the next morning I get two unknown calls. Coincidence? I dont think so. I find it kinda creepy, like I never did that when we broke up, so I find it weird Link to post Share on other sites
mike588 Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 Mine contacted me several times then I foolishly replyed but I didn't bring up ANYTHING about wanting to try it again...that I missed her...still loved her etc. nor did I mentioned anything about my life...if I was seeing anyone to her...Nothing! Again I believe/know that she was just wanting to dump her guilt so SHE could feel better...not me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xztjohn Posted March 4, 2012 Author Share Posted March 4, 2012 yeah Ima just continue ignoring her. I gave in once when she asked me for hw help for a class I took long ago. I just texted her answers kept it real short and didnt hear from her for like 2 or 3 weeks. No contact would be best. Does thing cycle ever end? Do they eventually stop or do they realize what they did and come back? just curious. Im pretty over her and a part of me actually hates her for putting me through all of this. Link to post Share on other sites
mike588 Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 yeah Ima just continue ignoring her. I gave in once when she asked me for hw help for a class I took long ago. I just texted her answers kept it real short and didnt hear from her for like 2 or 3 weeks. No contact would be best. Does thing cycle ever end? Do they eventually stop or do they realize what they did and come back? just curious. Im pretty over her and a part of me actually hates her for putting me through all of this. I hear ya..it's like a love hate thing. Sometimes...just sometimes I miss her then other times I hate her for all the hurt she caused! Link to post Share on other sites
Author xztjohn Posted March 4, 2012 Author Share Posted March 4, 2012 would it be wise the next time she texts me to tell her"im pretty over it, its prob best if u stop contacting me" or just continue no contact? i want to mind **** her so her head is spinning like a hamster wheel. ignoring her always seems to cause her to think about me alot. what would u guys do if ur in my situation? Link to post Share on other sites
LZ2000 Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 I do feel tempted to contact my ex for telling her the pain and humiliation she has caused from all the actions that she has done in a polite manner, but I chose not to because I know I may run the risk of possibly stirring up trouble again for myself. Link to post Share on other sites
ffw Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 OP, It depends upon the ex, but some common reasons are: - Wanting assurance that you still like them - Ego stroke - Make themselves feel better - To get rid of the loneliness untill someone better comes along - Sometimes the hardest thing to let go in a failed relationship is the dream or fairy tale ending they hoped it would be. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xztjohn Posted March 4, 2012 Author Share Posted March 4, 2012 yeah i kinda regreg how i asked her if she had sex with the other guy before they were official and she said no atfirst then she said ues. i told her it is over now, i should have left it at that, i didnt talk to her for a month. straight up ignored her. but then we talked after break and i wanted her back, but it was for the wrong reasons, which i got rejected. now they r official. yet she still contacts me. i think i really moved on at this point. any sense of getting back rogether is out the window. i just dont understand how spmeone can be so heartless and put me through soooo much pain. i really thot she was better than that. i mean i understand we broke up but please dont contact me, giving me mixed signals like "i really want you back, but its too late now." stop calling me, texting, and emailing me while ur with this guy. i dont understan why people act like a different person after a break up. Link to post Share on other sites
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