Need some help

[lost_n_confused]

Ok...guess might as well start my first post off with why i'm here

 

A little over a year ago i started seeing a guy that i had had a crush on for about 2 years. We never put titles on anything but basically we were monogamous with eachother and it was more than just messing around. He complained he was keeping things simple and i kept telling myself i didn't want a b/f. Well a couple of months back my 21st birthday came along...I have never asked ANYTHING of this man and I just wanted him to be there for it. Well needless to say his birthday was a few days before mind and his excuse for not coming out after he said he would was that he had drank too much but he had seemed a little different a few days before his own birthday.

 

Well a week after my birthday I see his best friend. Still feeling pretty sore over the whole situation and him not wanting to talk to me about it, i vented to his best friend about him. Told him everything that was on my mind from him not having a job and still living with his parents(which i think i described him as worthless) and went on about if he didn't want a girlfriend and he was keeping things simple than he shouldn't be staying the night with me when nothing is happening between us and he shouldn't be calling me all the time the way he did and getting jealous when he thought i had a b/f. Well his best friend repeated all of my drunken banter to him. And since then he won't talk to me. Won't listen to a word i have to say. I have apologized profusely and want the chance to explain myself. I wrote him an email telling him how much i care for him and that is why it hurt me that he didn't come out for something as important to me as my birthday.

 

What do i do to get him to talk to me about things? I know he's seeing someone now but i still feel like there are some things we need to talk about...i am not aiming at getting him back but i would at least like to just clear the air and explain things to him. ...

[moss23]

I think the guy you want was honestly only after "no-ties" good times. From here it seems like this is exactly the opposite of what you want. Maybe hearing this from his friend is THE reason he doesn't want to speak to you? Yes, he may have become jealous at you and your prospective "boyfriends", but I think that has more to do with human behaviour and instinct rather than actually wanting more from you.

 

You have a couple of options:

1) Keep trying to get a word in (though I wouldn't recommend it - I think he'll just push you further away)

2) Wait it out and see what happens.

 

Drunken banter should be labelled a health risk, and punishable by death... you always end up regretting it later (I always do, anyway - I'm no alcoholic though!). He may have taken all that you said in a particularly bad light (some of it was kinda harsh), maybe he's seeing this new girl just to spite you? Is this a possibility/is he like that?

 

Normally, I'd probably jump and say "he's just a jerk, there are probably heaps more guys better for you" - but the fact that you've known eachother for that long and that you had a crush on him for that long before even getting into anything with him proves otherwise. I say give it time. If he doesn't come to you, approach him again later on (a couple of days/weeks?). I know waiting for such things is torture, but anything else in the meantime could cost you everything else you still do have with this guy. In any case, good luck. Let us know how it all goes.