I cheated with my friend's bf

[AnabelleD]

Before you read this, please no name callings.

Her now ex BF cheated with me (I'm single) and she went to his house unexpected. We didn't get to do it all, but think it was about to happen. Anyways her BF had to separate her from me because a fight was about to start, in which I would have to still defend myself if she were to really attack me. I don't blame her though as I would have reacted the same too.

 

Anyways is there any way we can ever be friends again? I tried talking to her at school (we're in our senior yr of high school) and I've tried by IM but she end up hurling insults, how we're through as friends, not to ever speak to her again.

 

I found out what type of guy he is too. He had a way of talking that made us fall for it. I never really even had a date nor bf and well some jealousy got into me. But I just want her to know it won't happen again. Does anyone knows what I can do to help her out and win our friendship back? Again please do not flame, I'm already feeling awful. I'm probably the worst friend ever but want to make things right. Become a better person, friend.

[dreamingoftigers]

Just be brief in your apology.

 

Then leave her alone. You are probably not going to be friends again.

Just respect her space and her pain and anger.

 

Learn from this. No matter how a guy talks to you etc. Keep your hands off of another womans man. No good comes from it.

 

Not in a rude way: were you not taught that?

[AnabelleD]

The last message I send her yesterday is the following:

 

Martha,

This is me again. I know it must be annoying hearing from me again but I won't bother you anymore. I just want to let you know I'm really sorry about what I did to you, your relationship and our friendship. I understand you don't want to talk to me ever again. It's ok. I would have been angry too if I were in your shoes. I know what you're feeling. I'll leave you alone if that's what you want.

Hope we can one day be friends again. I promise I won't ever do that again. Once again I'm sorry.

[AnabelleD]

Learn from this. No matter how a guy talks to you etc. Keep your hands off of another womans man. No good comes from it.

 

Not in a rude way: were you not taught that?

I don't know what was I thinking. I wish I can take it back so I would have rejected him instead of going along with it.

[Professor X]

Part of growing up is realizing that you can't fix everything. Some things, once you break them, stay broken, and your friendship with her is one of those things.

 

I haven't got a clue why you care so much about your friendship, you certainly did not care about it when you decided to go along and make out with her BF.

 

The best you can do right now is treat it as another lesson in life, learn from it, NEVER do it again, to anyone (even to a woman you hate), and move on. I hope for your sake that you are not in touch with that guy, no matter what he tells you (and that includes, but not limited to: his life story, death in the family, abusive while being small, sickness, growing in gangs, etc etc).

[chelsea2011]

Chalk it up as a lost friendship. My high school boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend and I was never able to trust her after that and the friendship ended for good. I also know other women who went through the same thing and couldn't get over it either. You learned a tough lesson and now you know not to do that to future friends. Friends exbf's should be off limits no matter what out of respect for your friendship. It's the ultimate betrayal and one that is really hard to get over and usually they never do.

 

You apologized and now you need to just move on. Take responsibility for actions too because he didn't make you fall for it, you chose to do it. You had the power to tell him what a disgusting human being he was for trying to hit on you. See the difference?

Edited March 3, 2012 by chelsea2011

[AnabelleD]

Oh please, that's just blameshifting. You knew what you were getting into. You're not the one who's hurt or got played. SHE got played.

In no way I'm trying to justify what I did. I take full blame for it.

I was stupid and naivee then. He would keep telling me ''Don't worry, she won't find out, you're not a bad friend'', etc.

[AnabelleD]

You apologized and now you need to just move on. Take responsibility for actions too because he didn't make you fall for it, you chose to do it. You had the power to tell him what a disgusting human being he was for trying to hit on you. See the difference?

Yes it would have made a big difference. I lost a good friend but to make things worst I don't know what to tell my parents. They are friends with her mother too.

[Professor X]

He would keep telling me ''Don't worry, she won't find out, you're not a bad friend'', etc.

You knew it was wrong, yes? Than how him saying it wasn't made it better? Moreover, if it did not make you a bad friend, why did he also say she won't find out??????

 

Stupid? Yes, naive? No.

[nofool4u]

Her now ex BF cheated with me (I'm single) and she went to his house unexpected. We didn't get to do it all, but think it was about to happen.

 

You didn't think it was about to happen, you know. In any case, it doesn't mitigate the betrayal, by either of you.

 

 

Anyways is there any way we can ever be friends again?

 

I'd say no. You don't know what being friends is.

 

But really, it depends on her. If she had any sense, she wouldn't be your friend.

 

 

I tried talking to her at school (we're in our senior yr of high school) and I've tried by IM but she end up hurling insults, how we're through as friends, not to ever speak to her again.

 

Well you didn't honor the friendship, so at least have the decency to honor her desire to be done with you.

 

 

I found out what type of guy he is too.

 

Uh, you knew what type of guy he was when you didn't mind helping yourself to him behind your friend's back.

 

What is it about women, mainly, that think a guy is alright if he is cheating on someone with them, and then LATER thinks he is a snake?:confused:

 

 

He had a way of talking that made us fall for it.

 

Oh please:rolleyes: Having the knowledge that he is someone's boyfriend, much less your best friend's, should give you immunity to any so-called charms. Give us a break.

 

 

I never really even had a date nor bf and well some jealousy got into me. But I just want her to know it won't happen again.

 

She doesn't want a friend like you. Honor her wishes and leave her alone.

 

 

Does anyone knows what I can do to help her out and win our friendship back?

 

Leave her alone and learn your lesson not to do this to someone else in the future.

[nofool4u]

The last message I send her yesterday is the following:

 

Martha,

This is me again. I know it must be annoying hearing from me again but I won't bother you anymore. I just want to let you know I'm really sorry about what I did to you, your relationship and our friendship. I understand you don't want to talk to me ever again. It's ok. I would have been angry too if I were in your shoes. I know what you're feeling.

 

Unless you have had a best friend mess around with your bf, which you already admitted you have never had, the NO, you don't know what she is feeling. You don't have even an inkling.

 

So you have left this message. Then let her decide, if she doesn't contact you, or writes back and tells you to go to hell, then honor it and do not reply.

[Space Ritual]

Yes it would have made a big difference. I lost a good friend but to make things worst I don't know what to tell my parents. They are friends with her mother too.

 

Well I can only say you may want to be honest with them and probably a huge step you can take in becoming the better person you are aiming to be is to actually let them know now, so they don't have to ask you after one of this girl's parents acts weird around your parents.

 

It will be difficult, but less difficult if you take the step. They are still your parents and they will love you no matter what. But also by coming forward now you can also show your parents that you are owning your actions. It may not seem like much but believe me, your parents will be thankful for the heads up so they aren't forced into an awkward situation in which they are unaware of.

[kaylan]

Ah, the immaturity of youth...I do not miss high school drama.

 

Either way, be honest with your friend and be prepared for her to never speak to you again.

 

Next time try and be a real friend and not so selfish.

 

Live and learn. The boyfriend does not respect you or her.

Edited March 5, 2012 by kaylan

[HHC]

You've apologised so you've done what you can for now. It's up to her to accept it and come back to you.

 

I would strongly sit and think about why you did it. So this never happens again.

[AnabelleD]

Uh, you knew what type of guy he was when you didn't mind helping yourself to him behind your friend's back.

 

What is it about women, mainly, that think a guy is alright if he is cheating on someone with them, and then LATER thinks he is a snake?:confused:

It wasn't that simple. He had certain good qualities such as having an 3.9 unweighted GPA, his parents being professionals, was always friendly to everyone, would dedicate some time giving donation to charity, made a speech on why it's bad drinking and driving, etc. It's like he had those qualities that it got into me and that's how I fell for it.

 

In a way, he was the person many in my school looked after.

[AnabelleD]

Unless you have had a best friend mess around with your bf, which you already admitted you have never had, the NO, you don't know what she is feeling. You don't have even an inkling.

 

So you have left this message. Then let her decide, if she doesn't contact you, or writes back and tells you to go to hell, then honor it and do not reply.

I still haven't gotten any reply back but I'll leave her alone now. That's all I could do. I still have yet to tell my parents about why we're not talking if they ask something about it.

[AnabelleD]

I would strongly sit and think about why you did it. So this never happens again.

No I'll never do this again.

[nofool4u]

It wasn't that simple.

 

Yes, it is that simple. Try to justify it any way you want.

[Thieves]

The best you can do right now is treat it as another lesson in life, learn from it, NEVER do it again, to anyone (even to a woman you hate), and move on. I hope for your sake that you are not in touch with that guy, no matter what he tells you (and that includes, but not limited to: his life story, death in the family, abusive while being small, sickness, growing in gangs, etc etc).

 

Ha ha. This made me laugh for some reason. I can just smell the 'Baby, please's' coming from this guy a mile away.

 

I still haven't gotten any reply back but I'll leave her alone now. That's all I could do. I still have yet to tell my parents about why we're not talking if they ask something about it.

 

Anabelle, you've received some decent, albeit honest answers from other posters so far. You're doing the right thing by allowing your ex-best friend to have her space. Do not assume you know what she's feeling. Respect her boundaries by leaving her and her ex-boyfriend alone for a long while.

 

Whether you two reconcile in the future is not what you need to be concerned about right now. You need to be concerned about looking inside yourself and asking, really asking, what having a meaningful friendship means to you and if it's really worth risking for a man. It seems like the answer would be obvious, right? But your behavior towards your ex-best friend's boyfriend says otherwise. You need to learn how to set boundaries for yourself and stick to them.

[Thieves]

Oh, and as for what to tell your parents about the situation if they ask, you have two options:

 

1) Tell them that you had a falling out with her and that you're no longer talking to each other for a while -- though they'll probably want to know what the fall out was.

 

But you also risk them finding out through your friends' parents somehow or through her, and then your parents might get upset with you for not being honest with them.

 

2) Tell them the truth and how you've learned from what happened.