Gotta let it out!

[cshell7]

My name is Michele im 34. I am a strong down to earth type woman but recently hit a rough patch and I'm making headway to fixing it hopefully. Mark, my current live-in bf, and I worked together. I have two boys 14 n 12 from a previous relationship of 10yrs. The boys father for lack of breath is not active in they're lives. My bf went through a rough marriage for 13 yrs. He went into the national guard during the mutual divorce thing. so, by this time he and I had formed a friendship. He eventually revealed deeper feelings for me and I couldn't live wondering if! I knew I had fallen in love with this man. We connected so strong and it was a mutual feeling. He went on a deployment and the factory we worked in shut down. Missing each other and misunderstandings from internet chats left for a pretty messy start for us. So he comes home finally. One big emotional roller coaster ride and we're both exhausted. We both made mistakes as we all do but this one I'm having trouble expressing. This temp girl he worked with was going into the army and had heard that he was in the guard. next thing i know They're meeting up in her van outside his mothers house soon after I left town for the weekend vacation. I came home with a bad gut feeling. We had sex and after he said "sex with u is better than anything he'd ever experienced...if that's not a line from the text book...lol He tried to hide it but told me his truth. He could not finish...thats pretty much the jist of it. he cried harder than I'd ever seen, even harder than when his father passed. He begged for forgiveness...and was ashamed to ask. He got shingles prob because of the stress of the situation. I felt for a long time that he had hit a state of depression. The man went through so many big life changes it sent him on a downward spin. And our relationship was going with it. I think even after he had hurt me i had feelings of sympathy. So I made a very quick decision to forgive the man. I have to do this for me and my family. Then I figured out that I still to this day have that same approach...Life is too short to always wonder what if'' so I took him back. It's been 6 months now and I am starting to feel a little better. I have asked him why...i think that I should know that much. He tries to explain but i don't think it's clear to him yet!? The pain i have felt from this experience is prob the most intense I've felt. I am the survivor type and not the victim, so I will come out ahead of this thing. As for mark and I...well..i'll keep u posted...lol It feels good to get this all out.