I hate the thoughts of guys checking out my girl when I'm not around....

[netman]

I've been with my girlfriend for a while now and she's everything I always wanted in a girl; loving, affectionate, very attractive, respectful, etc. Most importantly, she definitely proves to me everyday that her interest level is very high. Although our love seems very strong, I get these jealous impulses almost every day for no reason even though she has not given me any reason at all to feel that she can't be trusted.

 

The biggest problem that I have in my head with my girlfriend is (like the title says) that I can't stand the thought of guys checking out my girl, especially when I'm not around. She is very, very model like pretty and has a smoking body, and now that the weather is becoming nicer and warmer, she's starting to wear her tight jeans and tight shirts which really accentuate her gorgeous figure, especially her back side and it's driving me a little crazy inside!!! It doesn't bother me when we're together, but it drives me nuts picturing guys staring, flirting, and gawking at her all day long when I'm not around, like when she's at her college or when she's working. She even admits that guys flirt with her on a daily basis, though I do believe it in my heart that she doesn't reciprocate. It still kills me though. I don't want to be that jealous boyfriend, but it's hard to hold my tongue.

 

I hope that someone could help me or show me how I can get over these feelings that I have inside before the feelings in my head get worse. What can I do to get these thoughts out of my head for good? How can I just accept that my girlfriend is very gorgeous and has a beautiful body, and that guys are always going to be checking her out? Anybody out there ever go through the same thing? I'd love to hear guys and girls perspective on this. Thanks.

[Unlucky In Love]

Hi, I don't think you should worry about other guys checking out your girlfriend's body. Everyone has eyes and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.

 

Fortunately, there are plenty of very attractive men and women in this world. There are a lot of other people getting checked out as well. As we all know, nothing usually happens after we "check somebody out." We might gawk a little and then go on about our business.

 

If I were you, I would do everything possible to enhance your own appearance. Do you feel confident in your own looks? If so, you shouldn't worry about a little competition from other lookers. If you don't feel confident in yourself, you should ask yourself why.

 

Regardless, there is nothing you can do about people checking people out. Everyone does it. Don't worry yourself about it, instead just enjoy the time you guys have together.

[Shasta]

I'm sure you've glanced over at a really attractive girl, even though you are her boyfriend. It's a natural thing. We're all attracted to beauty, and glancing isn't hurting anything. You can't tell every single person in the world not to look at someone, because it would just be stupid. We have eyes, and we use them. Going beyond just looking though, now that is different. As long as she remains loyal to you, don't worry about anything.

[UCFKevin]

I always enjoy it when I see guys checking out the girl I'm with. Makes me think, "Damn right, she's with ME, muthaf*ckas!"

[netman]

Thanks for your replies. If I could just accept this, I'd be at peace with myself and my relationship. I try to tell myself that I trust her 100%, and I truly believe I do, but I have been cheated on in the past which has added to my insecurities I guess. Part of the fact that it bothers me when guys gawk and stare at my girlfriend (moreso when I'm not around) is not my fear that she would act on the attention, but rather that she likes it. I know that that's nonsense on my part because although I like it when I get attention from other females, I never act on it. My imagination is my worst enemy and I have a hard time controlling my thoughts.

 

The funny part is that I am very happy with my looks and my body, and I am pretty successful career wise. When I mention any of this to my best friends they think I'm nuts since they see how my girl loves me so much and they see her sincerety and love for me. How can I make these thoughts go away? How can I stop these thoughts from controlling me?

[faux]

I think what you need to do is trust your girlfriend, which you clearly do not. Have a long talk about your insecurities with her before they further gnaw at the foundations of your relationship. You already know that your girlfriend is extremely attractive. However, you need to trust in her to do the right thing and to uphold your relationship. If you are becoming jealous when you are not around her, there is a trust issue at hand. Deal with the trust issues.

[health]

Yo Netman! your going through the same thing I am! My girl is fit, cute, funny, everything I ever wanted. I blow her up in my mind. She is everything to me. I have gone so far as to read books on infidelity and why cheating happens. I've learned that if you treat her right, and love her...it'll be all good. There is no reson for me to be worried either...she gives me none...she loves me to death.....if you fear something try your best so it dosn't happen and if it does, be prepared....basically...its not any of the guys faults, its ultimately her decision and if she decides to cross the line. Do you think you could forgive her if she cheated? I don't know what Id do...Id flip! You are dealing with the same issue as me..!!!!!!!!!!!

Also her mom cheated on her dad, and they divorced, so Im paro that she would do they same....but parents dont determine ****....ahhhh!

[Xnoubis]

Netman, Health, I'm the same way. I sucks when your sitting around trying to relax and all then out of nowhere some thought pops in your head about another guy checking out/flirting with your girlfriend. I too was once cheated on in another relationship, so I carried alot of extra baggage over into this one that wasn't needed. As far as getting those thoughts out of your mind, about the only thing I know is to first of all logically think about the scenario. If you know your girl won't overstep any boundaries, then let it drop. If it doesn't go away, go and do something and get your mind off of it. Go and weight train if you have time. It's one of the best ways to relieve yourself of any stress that may be mentally hammering you, not to mention how it effects your health in a positive way.

[health]

Something I need to get out of my mind is this: If my girl looks especially hot one day, I always ask her

"Did anyone try to pick you up today?" what a dumb question, it just sets me up for paranoia.

She always replies good. One time this dude kept asking her questions like if she wants to get down quick for a little bit of fun? is she in a serious relationship? etc...she turned him down well........I want to know when it happens....but I don't at the same token cause it hurts.........I can't control men and their ways...so its all on her and if she crosses the line.

..Damn those drivers who honk at chicks!

[dyermaker]

If you don't trust her, you don't belong in a relationship with her--no matter how good looking her backside might be.

 

If you do trust her, this shouldn't bother you at all. She's a sentient piece of ass that is capable of making rational decisions and choices, some of which may concern ignoring oggling.

[Pyrannaste]

Part of the fact that it bothers me when guys gawk and stare at my girlfriend (moreso when I'm not around) is not my fear that she would act on the attention, but rather that she likes it.

 

Make sure you give her attention and compliment her too.

 

Attention from guys, sometimes you like it (it can cheer you up), sometimes it's an hassle.

I'm sure you experienced yourself attention from girls, and enjoyed it but didn't thought about acting on it.

 

she definitely proves to me everyday that her interest level is very high.

 

trust her

 

Also, did you tell her about your jealousy? If not, share your feelings (*without* upsetting at her: it's not her fault she's attractive, and sounds like she does not act in an inappropriate way with other guys) and allow her to reassure you.

[netman]

My girlfriend is great. I've spoken to her about these things and she's very understanding, and she does try to reassure me and stuff, but something else is missing and I don't know what....

 

Ok, so most of the replies point to my lack of trust for her. Maybe my past does't allow me to fully trust women but if I want to be happy I have to trust. But what can I do to build the trust with her? I've gotten better over time, but I still have my relapses. Things could be great for weeks, and then she'll mention some salsa classes at her school, and she'll tell me about the guys trying to dance with her and stuff and my imagination gets the best of me. I picture her going to the classes with her tight jeans and her tight shirt showing a little cleavage, and the guys gawking at her trying to compete for her attention. I used to be a slimeball player like that, so I know what goes through their mind. It's not that I think they're going to steal her away from me, but I just picture her dancing a little extra or her enjoying the attention from the guys. I can't stand it sometimes. When I say she's that good looking, I mean it; she turns heads everywhere we go..

 

I wish I could change my thought process from "I hate when guys look at her gorgeous face and body" to "they could look all they want, but she's coming home to me." Any jealous and insecure person knows that this is not easy to do.