jackmerridew Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 It's been almost 3 months since my breakup, and I can't move on. We still talk, and we've had sex multiple times since then, but for every moment that things seem to get better, there seems to be two or three moments where it all just falls apart. And I'm driving myself crazy. I'm driving my friends insane by being so down about it. I wish I could go NC, but I live in a small town, and it's hard to avoid her, especially since we run in similar crowds. I hate to be vague. I wish I could go into more detail, but to be honest I've exhausted myself. I just need to vent, and I need counseling. I need meds. I need something to get me out of this, because I don't know why I keep forcing a relationship that clearly makes me so unhappy most of the time. I feel like I've aged more in the past two months than I have in the past two years.... Link to post Share on other sites
volkl1996 Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 Fight through it man. Break off all contact and if you haqve to stop hanging out with the mutal friends..make new friends, stay busy, volunteer... Link to post Share on other sites
Buttercup84 Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 You can't move on simply because you are sleeping together and still in contact . I know you live in a small town but you just have to stick to NC other wise it will just destroy you . After my break-up I was still in contact for 4 months or so and I sunk into deep depression . As soon as I stopped contacting him I slowly got better . Seriously , the people who know me on here know I was just a mess because of him , and now I am doing much better because I do not talk to him anymore . If you really need to talk to someone , do it because I have been and it has been helping. x Link to post Share on other sites
Exit Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 I agree with the other replies that the main source of your pain is still seeing this person, not that you need counseling. I can pretty much guarantee the first thing the counselor will tell you is that you need to cut this person out of your life in order to start healing, so save your money and just hear it from us. Don't get me wrong, I encourage you going to counseling if you feel like you need some help right now, but just don't go into it expecting a magical solution that involves still interacting with this person without it tearing at your heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Scorpio Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 It's been almost 3 months since my breakup, and I can't move on. That is prefectly understandable. Three months is not a long period of time. The best thing you can do is maintain NC and give yourself some space in order to... We still talk, and we've had sex multiple times since then, but for every moment that things seem to get better, there seems to be two or three moments where it all just falls apart. Ok. Then the best thing you can do is stay away from your ex. What you're doing is the equivalent of a junkie who keeps taking hits. I wish I could go NC, but I live in a small town, and it's hard to avoid her, especially since we run in similar crowds. That doesn't make it any easier. Maybe you are right and you do need some counseling and/or some meds. However, I think it is a safe bet that a therapist would tell you to achieve distance between you and your ex. In no way am I saying that you shouldnt persue therapy if you feel you need it. However, therapy is expensive. Summoning the resolve to stay away from the ex could be free. Just sayin. Hang in there and keep posting. Link to post Share on other sites
travelbug1996 Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 Why did you two break up. Who broke up with whom?? Link to post Share on other sites
pie2 Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 Just breathe...it'll all be ok. I bet you've gotten yourself through difficult situations in the past, and you'll do it again with this one. It'll be a challenge, but you've got it in you. Don't give up, and don't be so hard on yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
fucpcg Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 Counseling can really help. NC is no wonder drug, though spoken in here as such, however I do agree forget trying to sleep with her and get over her. Find a good counselor. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 (edited) You sound exhausted. First, I'd recommend you stop taking any narcotics or drinking, for at least 3 months, if you are using. Second, eat well. Plenty of vegetables and fruit, fish twice a week, reduce or eliminate junk food. Take a multivitamin. Third, exercise. Go for walks, runs, swimming, gym, yoga - whatever floats your boat. Fourth, get some sleep. If you have issues sleeping, try Valerian extract. If that doesn't help, see your doctor about sleeping pills. Fifth, do things that make you feel good: have a bath, listen to some positive music, get a haircut, go for a massage. Keeping yourself in physical shape will improve your mood, and make you less dependent on sex with the ex to give you a boost of positive neuro-hormones. You will be better able to decide what to do with regards to your ex and do it. An army marches on its stomach: so do you. Edited March 4, 2012 by betterdeal Link to post Share on other sites
Author jackmerridew Posted March 4, 2012 Author Share Posted March 4, 2012 That doesn't make it any easier. Maybe you are right and you do need some counseling and/or some meds. However, I think it is a safe bet that a therapist would tell you to achieve distance between you and your ex. In no way am I saying that you shouldnt persue therapy if you feel you need it. However, therapy is expensive. Summoning the resolve to stay away from the ex could be free. Just sayin. Hang in there and keep posting. Thank you. I have great insurance coverage that should make therapy cheap. This depression is crippling me at work. It's affecting my work productivity, and I know it shouldn't, and I hate myself for allowing it to do so, but, as we all very well know, sometimes we aren't complete control over our feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jackmerridew Posted March 4, 2012 Author Share Posted March 4, 2012 Why did you two break up. Who broke up with whom?? She broke up with me. I want to get into details, but even hours later after my initial post, I can't even summon up the energy to write about it. I suppose the simplest way to put it is that she wasn't ready for a relationship, but she keeps making me think that she still wants me around. I know I'm smarter than this, which makes it even more puzzling and depressing that I am letting me affect me so deeply, worse than even when an ex-fiancee cheated on me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jackmerridew Posted March 4, 2012 Author Share Posted March 4, 2012 You sound exhausted. First, I'd recommend you stop taking any narcotics or drinking, for at least 3 months, if you are using. Second, eat well. Plenty of vegetables and fruit, fish twice a week, reduce or eliminate junk food. Take a multivitamin. Third, exercise. Go for walks, runs, swimming, gym, yoga - whatever floats your boat. Fourth, get some sleep. If you have issues sleeping, try Valerian extract. If that doesn't help, see your doctor about sleeping pills. Fifth, do things that make you feel good: have a bath, listen to some positive music, get a haircut, go for a massage. Keeping yourself in physical shape will improve your mood, and make you less dependent on sex with the ex to give you a boost of positive neuro-hormones. You will be better able to decide what to do with regards to your ex and do it. An army marches on its stomach: so do you. You're guide to NC is absolutely wonderful. Link to post Share on other sites
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