one more chance

[Scott]

I'm not really looking for any advice, just I need to vent my feelings somewhere. Of course, any advice that may help would be appreciated. I started dating this girl 2 years ago. We hit it off great at first. As time went by though, some things were hit and miss. I tried to figure out what they were and tryed to fix them, but usually I made things worse. Overall though, I really liked this girl and she really liked me. It's just I always tried to make things perfect and that usually caused problems.

 

My meddling into trying to let us have a "perfect" relationship eventually led to us breaking up. I did not want this and tried everything to "fix" that also, only to finally realize that the best thing for me to do is to stop trying to fix things and just let them be and turn my intrests to other things. Some time went by and when we did see each other again, it appeared a little time off had helped those bad memories fade away and things were better again. That is, until I once again I was not content with how things were and tried to make things between us better, or to make her even happier with me than she was, and that led to another breakup (not really a breakup, more of really her backing away and needing space) Once again, immediatly I tried to patch things up, which made it worse, and then when I decided to let time and space take care of things, I found out it led to us getting yet another chance.

 

Of course, you can guess what happened next. We got together, we were happy, I told her I'd give her space and just enjoy when we were together....and a few weeks later I started to do it all over again.

 

This has been going on all year. The thing I noticed is that each time she pulls away from me, it takes longer and longer before she comes back. I can't say I blame her--as I have told her 3 or 4 times to trust me that I'd not try to make things "perfect" for her because I know she is happy with me just the way I am, yet every time I have betrayed that trust she gave to me.

 

Today, I'm sad..and very upset with myself. She is moving away next week. Ever since we met 2 years ago, we knew that sometime this year she would be moving, but it was never a problem and it's only for a year or so anyway. I'm feeling bad though because she is mad at me right now because of my usual actions....and there is not enough time for the usual healing to take place before she leaves. I never took things seriously because I knew she really liked me and I really liked her, and I knew I'd always get another chance. Now I'm afraid. I'm not going to be able to see her before she goes (to stop by when she needs time away from me would only make things worse--I realize that if it's important to her she will contact me). I'm not going to get to say good-bye (even though her leaving may only be temporary, but then again it may not, who knows what time will bring). I'm afraid in the back of her mind she kept on giving me second and third chances to keep my word but put a limit on her trust until this day she leaves.

 

I never took our breakups seriously because I always knew I'd get another chance, and even though it was best to give her space, I knew she was right around the corner. She hasnt' called me now in weeks and I dont' think she will before she goes. I just look back at all we did together, and all the things I told her, and she told me, and how the problems we had came about, and what was used to solve them. I just feel sick to my stomach because I don't want to lose her for good, and this is the first time I feel fear of that.

[Tony T]

She is not leaving you empty handed. Hopefully, she leaves you with some powerful lessons that you seem extremely hard-headed about learning.

 

You always took it for granted that she would take you back. So you just took the relationship for granted. You failed to be yourself and let the relationship happen in favor of intervening to somehow make it "perfect" (who are you to define perfect for her...that's what pissed her off).

 

Albert Einstein: "Insanity is doing something the same way repeatedly but expecting a different result each time."

 

Annonymous: "Love knows not its own depth, except in the hour of separation."

 

You will heal from this and hopefully do much better when you fall again. And don't try to be so damned perfect next time.