Future mother in law is making me MISERABLE, help!!!

[gossip_girl]

Hello everyone, I'm new here. I just got off the phone with my boyfriend though and really, *really* need to spill some stuff that is really bringing me down... if anyone has any advice please let me know! I don't know what the ages are here, but I'm 17 (just so it all makes a little bit more sense).

 

To give you some background, my boyfriend & I have been dating now for two years next month. Our families both go to the same church. And that's about where the similiarities end. His dad likes me enought to be polite and not make a big deal if we plan a date or want to do something, but his mother... his mother is ALWAYS comparing me to another girl, has been trying to get my BF to ask her out and stuff because this girl is "such a nice church girl". My BF can't stand her and besides that, the girl has a boy "of interest" as it is. Well now the girl is having some sort of celebration as she's graduating HS and was one of the many valedictorians. My BF and I had plans but they've now been cancelled because my BF's family was invited to this celebration and he's being forced to go. Anyways, point is I'm SICK TO DEATH of being compared to this other girl. His mother hasn't taken the time to get to me despite my many, many tries and attempts to get to know her and for us to get together sometime. All she knows is I don't 'look' like the other girl so I must not be as religious or what not. I'm tired of being put down, ignored, and treated like crap. She has made it quite clear she doesn't trust me and I now won't visit the home because of the embarrassing things that have happened.

 

I just don't know what to do... I dont' feel like trying anymore because it's one sided and has been for almost 2 years. But if I give up then I'll be proving to her that I really am I pile of crap. Has anyone else in here had something similar happen to them or can offer any outside advice? She's making my life miserable and I refuse to break up with this guy because not only is he my boyfriend, but he's my best friend and I'm not going to let her break us apart.

 

So in closing... if anyone has ANY input to give me that would be wonderful, I'm hanging here by my last ounce of patience and my last good feeling has been hurt.

[MickieJ]

Well, I am quite a bit older (in my 50's), but while I was married, I always knew that my mother-in-law never considered me good enough for her son. But at the end of the day, I knew that he loved me, and that we were happy, no matter what his mom thought or did. I stuck by his side, we worked to make a happy home and family. Holidays weren't much fun either, but I put on a smile and just got myself through the day. Sometime during the course of our marriage, my mom-in-law must have gotten use to me, or decided I wasn't the wicked witch of the north. When we finally told them of our separation, she must have called me a dozen times, hoping that maybe we might work things out. She then told me that she really liked me, and thought that I had done a great job of building a home. She was really sorry to see our lives come apart. And still to this day, I hear from her every so often. I call her when I am in her area of the state.

 

So I can only suggest that you stay pleasant with her, try to be true to yourself, and continue to build your relationship with your boyfriend. If you love each other enough, it will work, and in time she will come around.

[gossip_girl]

Thank you very much for your post. I know it doesn't really matter what SHE thinks, just what he thinks, but it still just drives me crazy. Especially since she tells other people that mutually know me "Oh, she's so wonderful, I love having her over, she's just so great and helpful to our family" and just goes on and on and people wonder why my jaw drops when I hear this kind of stuff... mostly cuz it's never been shown to me!

[neptoon]

It's happened to me before with my ex-bf (I'm 32, BTW). I'm going to say "watch your back" with this woman.

 

Mind you, your bf doesn't sound like anything like my ex-bf. My bf was really weak and could not stand up for himself to his mom. It's good that your bf talks to you about what his mom says...it's a good open channel of communication you have there.

 

My bf never told me what his mom said but I had an idea. She'd put me down all the time around him, say that I'm not pretty enough for him (and I was 4 years older than him) -- and at family functions, she'd constantly ask my age infront of people (which is a rude thing to do). So, after a while, I had enough of it and I started getting rude back to her.

 

No matter what I did, this woman kept telling my ex-bf that I wasn't good enough for him. He was unemployed when I first met him and had absolutely nothing. I let him live with me and I paid his rent. I helped him start his own business and, still, I wasn't good enough in her eyes. She would constantly say things to make me feel inadequate, insignificant, or inconsequential.

 

Near the end of our relationship, she said to me, "You know, <ex-bf> can get a lot of girls..." -- this was before we even talked about the possibility of breaking up. It was then that I figured out that she'd gotten to him and he was telling her stuff that he wasn't telling me.

 

We ended up breaking up, partially because of some differences that we may or may not have been able to work out. She sent me an email about 2 months after we broke up and I resented her...not because I felt she took him away but because I had put up with her all that time when I should've stood up for myself and put my foot down.

 

Never let anyone crush your self esteem. But that's just my humble opinion. I'm sure not everyone's mother is wicked like his was.

[gossip_girl]

you two have helped me alot, I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who's not good enough. I guess I just have to accept the fact I never will be good enough, and if she ever wonders why I haven't kept my hand outstretched after this long, it's cuz it's her turn. I can only do so much I guess.

[pretty_petal]

hey!

* i'm nearly 17... if that counts?*

I don't have the same problem with my bf of 14 months' mother being evil. But she has a good friend who has a daughter the same age as me. The two mums want this girl and my bf to get married and live happily ever after. Obviously my bf is taken (!) but so is this other girl. They do get on ok and a while ago my bf mentioned to me this pressure from both their parents being unbearable when they come over. My bf says that they will always be friends but never want anything more.

 

I always brushed it off and i really don't care cos like you and your bf we are best friends and nothing could come between us...

 

Then about 2 months ago i was at his when they had a dinner party one night. Some family friends came round (not the same ones with the girl) and all the adults got completely drunk. After dinner one of the guests asked about this girls' family and asked how old the girl was. Then his mum *with me and my bf at the table* started going on ... and on.... and on about how this girl was perfect for him and she n the girls mum really badly want to get them together. i was like... erm hello??

 

My bf was real nice about it and said that we should leave the table. i wound up crying about it cos she was so out of order.

 

Sorry... that doesn't really help you. just used ur thread to get that off my chest sorry.

 

I hope she gets sorted, petal x

[gossip_girl]

danggg..... that sucks!!! there's no way I could handle that. I'm lucky in my case, cuz at least my BF doesn't even want to be in the same room with the other girl, so I don't have any worries whatsoever. But it sucks when it's so obviously apparent that you're unwanted/disliked by his family.