lazler Posted June 8, 2004 Posted June 8, 2004 Hmm well dont know how to start this but ill try. about 3 months ago my wife and i seperated. she left because she said i wasnt treating her right. well thats true to a extent. she actually cheated on me with another man for a month before i told her to leave to his house. and she has been with him still till this day. she told me back when we seperated that if i wanted her back i had to do some things to show her i truly loved her. well it took till now to get those things done. ( believe me she deserved the things i did to win her back). but threw out the time of this she has been sleeping with this guy and me as well for the last month.sad part is HE had to tell me she was. then she finally admited it. anyway this guy is becoming a prick to my kids, and my wife for that matter due to me still in their lifes. unfortunetly i had to move from last place to get a 3 bedroom but wont be ready till july 1st. well right now she has been letting this other guy think she is staying with him till i get the place. well at least she says this. but yet she sleeps there. i dont know were and really dont think i want to. my problem is i love my wife and for every thing she has done i want her back. i hate doing it but i truly am in love with her. here is the serious problem. i dont want this guy in our lifes when i do have her return ( providing she does) and she agrees. but now my wife is Pregent from one of us 2. the hard part is what do i do. if the baby is mine i want it for ever. but the fear is it maybe his as well and if it is he will no doubt have to be in our lifes for ever. please a bit of advise for a man in love with kids and wife. and hatered toward the other dick.
average guy Posted June 8, 2004 Posted June 8, 2004 well, first a few questions that determibne the path you should take 1. what will happen to the kids if you get divroced? are they yours from a prevous marriage? 2. will she agree to a dna test of the baby to determine who is the father? My advice offhand at this moment is that you deserve better than she is treating you. Sure you said you had to change to get her back, but you did without sleeping with anyone else. It sounds like she is demanding everything and giving nothing in return. If i were in your shoes, I would wait for a dna test, and if the baby wasy mine, tell the other guy to get lost and take her back if she truly was willing to be with you (not just have a new house for her and her baby). If the baby was his, I would have to say I would ask her to stay with him and for the sake of the kids, be strong and stay on my own with them/ Just my spare change's worth Good luck, A.G.
Author lazler Posted June 9, 2004 Author Posted June 9, 2004 yea the kids are from a previous marriage.. all except the son. but they are all my pride and joy.well the problem i have with the DNA test is she is willing to come home. but to have and and to lose her all over again would be heart breaking to me and the kids. Only if the baby is his. i would love to know the baby is mine. would make every thing so much easier. but the fact is we have no idea. it would take about 7-8 months for her to have the baby. and to love her all over again and to find out if the child was his... i don't know were i would stand. i don't want this guy in our life. i am very close to violence as it is for the way he is trying to take my place as the father now. but if i don't take her back , for the reason of not knowing then to find out it was mine... well that would hurt even more to push her away for the fact of not knowing and now to never have her again because i waited. thats were i stand . do i chance it? i really do love my wife more then then i thought possible. i figured it would have been easier to let her walk away. but now i am a total wreck. been close to being fired from my job. ( thank god boss understands) he has put up with a lot from me in the last 2 months. i started drinking on a regular bases. i even find my self driving over there to just leave a rose in a bottle for her to find from me. but i cant stop my self. its as if my heart and mind do it on its own. then after the fact i realize what i have done. anyway. if the child does come out to be his. my life will be destroyed even more then it is now. so do i just say screw it and let her walk and take a chance. or should i accept the fact if it turns out to be his? my only fact is he wont leave her alone if we let him in this marriage, he already said he wouldn't give up on her. so i spoke to him a bit ... now he has a restraining order on me. so now i cant touch him or i TOTALLY LOSE! anyway ty and please a bit more advise!!!
average guy Posted June 9, 2004 Posted June 9, 2004 I have to say at this point (given your work situation and your drinking) that you really need to see a professional therapist asap, possibly even 2-3 times a week at first. I strongly suggest you do this imediately. Just obne last thing though, I am pretty sure they can do a dna test on a featus (sp?) using aminocetsois (or seomthing like that (or proably these days even from the mothers urine, so you wouldn't have to wait until the baby is born to find out who the father is. But like I say, you need to talk these issues over with a professional now. Good luck with everything
dyermaker Posted June 9, 2004 Posted June 9, 2004 but to have and and to lose her all over again would be heart breaking to me and the kids. Only if the baby is his. i would love to know the baby is mine. would make every thing so much easier. but the fact is we have no idea. This is a false construction--it would by no means make everything easier. I can't tell you whether to take your wife back, that's your choice alone. You have to determine whether you can trust her, and whether you think a healthy relationship will work. However, no matter what, this child deserves a dad. He or she can't choose who his or her father is, and should not be punished for whatever their mom did. A biological connection is not neccessary for love. If you take your wife back, take the child as if it were yours--and leave DNA tests to the Jerry Springer Show.
Author lazler Posted June 10, 2004 Author Posted June 10, 2004 Wel averagr guy ... yes i do get help i have been seening a therapist 2 times a week. But she sides with my wife.. hmm figure. she said if i want my wife back ill do what she wants or forget it... i explained all i ever wanted was for her to help out by getting a JOB! and she freaked lol oh well. i dont mind her not working . i make dam good money. but every thing she wants is high mantience. as far as my shrink she says i am never nagative person.. hard to tell. if i am still positive i love my wife and she will return. dyermaker. as far as the quote i men to say i love my wife and yes i know he child will need a father regardless im not going to denie the child of that. i would also do my best to be just that for the child , BUT i dont know if i want to know the DNA results. me and my wife dont want hm in our life when she returns. but if he demands a DNA test and winds up his. then he will be in our life .. i hate the idea of that.
beautiful Posted June 10, 2004 Posted June 10, 2004 What I read is that you love her so much that even after everything , you take her back but if this baby turns out to not be yours , you don't know where you stand. That makes no sense to me at all. Either you love her or you don't. This little unborn baby has zero to do with anything. It is an innocent human being to be born into this chaos because 2 adults can't get their selfish acts together. Before you even can consider a relationship with your wife or anyone else for that matter should you divorce, is to find out and correct what is going on within you as a human being. A healthy relationship is like a 24/7 job. It takes a lot which I am sure you are finding out going through all this drama. The only thing that is important are the children, nothing else matters at this time. Those kids need healthy minded and acting adults so they don't grow up all messed up. So look towards your children and decide what your next move is. Good Luck
lazler1 Posted June 10, 2004 Posted June 10, 2004 i understand what your tring to say. and yes the kids do come first and yes i would do anything to get my wife back. but the unborn child has a lot to do with it. not that i wouldn't love the child any less if not mine. my problem is this other guy. i dont want him in our life. as far as were i stand i mean .. let me see if i can say this .. i maybe wording it wrong. if the child is mine i dont have to worry about this OG in my life, cause then there is no reason for me or my wife to see him. on the other hand if i tried to hide the fact it isnt his ( if thats the case) and he demands a DNA test and finds out the child is his. i have to deal with this prick for the remaining years to come. adventually i would either wind up beating the crap out of him. and im not naturally a viloent man havent been for many years. or may cause a divorce between me and my wife. which i dont want i have so much hate for this guy thou i wouldnt know how to deal with him . mainly because he has already told my wife and me he will keep tring to win MY wife back. and yes i trust my wife i dont think she would cheat again providing i didnt hurt her the way i have in the past. but for him to stalk and harrase. well even restraing order cant stop him from seeing the child so were would i win? hope that clears up a little bit more. as far as getting my head straight. i believe it is , i have been threw alot and i just want to get past it. seeing him all the time would only keep reminding me. and no i dont start any trouble or create a scene in front of my kids. we are very caring parents and dont need to bring them in the middle of this chaos as you mentioned. so when the kids are around . no frowning only smiles even know they are sometimes fronts to keep them happy. well ty beautiful and i thank you for the reply.
HT_Nut Posted June 11, 2004 Posted June 11, 2004 Lazler1, Absolutely perfectly clear!! To me anyway. Who in their right mind would want an affair slapping them in the face for the next 18 years. How the hell would a relationship EVER heal from that? Who would want to answer the door every other weekend and see the guy that pursued his wife and got her pregnant? Get real people. No, the child isn't to blame; that's true. But why should you sentence yourself to having to deal with this crap for the rest of your life? And it would be the rest of your life. It really doesn't stop at 18, 21, or even 50. Every life transition that kid will have; the other guy may very well be a part of. I'm in complete agreement with you. If the child were your's you could excavate that loser from your life. If it were his, you are really stuck with him in your life FOREVER. As long as he has parental rights. However, most slimeballs will sign away their rights if it meant not having to pay child support!! Get my drift? It may, in fact, be worth it to you to find out either way. If the child is your's, a restraining order gets him out of your life. If the child isn't biologically yours, fine; hit the moron with a child support order and/or offer to let him off 21 years of child support if he signs away his parental rights. I don't recall what state you are in; but, you may want to check your state laws. I know, in Florida, if you are married, the child is your's regardless of who the father is. My ex tried to get child support from me after we had been separated for 1 year and 8 months and she was having another man's baby. He was a loser and made nothing for a living. Under Florida law, the child was my responsibility regardless. But, a good lawyer took care of that for me. The way you describe this guy; he's more likely to sign over rights than pay child support for the next 21 years. Just my thoughts.
Author lazler Posted June 17, 2004 Author Posted June 17, 2004 TY HT yes i tried to find out about it.if he wanted to be a dead beat dad i could keep him out. but i know he wants to keep ties with my wife so he will do what he ahs to do for the rights. oh well i guess ill have to deal with him if i want to keep my wife. only thing is they took Blood work for a pain she had as well and found out she has a liver problem. and if it dont get better in 2 weeks they will have to do serguery . hate to say it but i dont know if they will be able to or if they will even try to save the baby. if not it may have been gods itentions to keep this guy out of my life. any ty all guess im stuck until we hear from the doctor
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