Tony T Posted September 30, 2000 Share Posted September 30, 2000 This type of approach-avoidance situation is typical of someone who is terrified of committment but at the same time cries out to be loved. Undoubtedly, she comes from a family where there was abuse and/or abandonment (physically or emotionally). Love has not been good to her and, though she wants it very much she also does not want to be devastated by the hurt of being abandoned. You can't do anything to get her over this. She will have to work it out in her own way in her own time. The only thing you can do, if you are capable, is to be kind and patient with her. Ultimately, you have to look out for yourself. You can work with her in sorting out these feelings she has but at some point, if she doesn't get her act together, you can't remain sucked in to her problems. You are obviously fond of her. You ought to recommend counselling to her. Get some help in opening up closer communication between the two of you so she can become vulnerable and share those fears with you. This girl has lots of problems but I have a gut feeling that she is a fine person and would be great for you at some point in the future. But right now, she is too screwed up to be of any value to herself, much less anyone else. I hope you have patience. Link to post Share on other sites
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