Girl never initiates contact/having trouble reading her!

[BenH1000]

Yeah let us know what happens. I really like mine, I have no idea why as she never texts/calls and any other woman I woulda been gone with the wind. I want to tell her her neutrality is holding me back from taking the next step but that may be a surefire way to run her off. Men have feelings too and I'm not going to start investing emotioally and liking her more and put myself out there if she's not going to reciprocate. Whether it's to test my interest level or see if I have the balls to take it to the next level without her doing anything or what. What happened to the good ol days when 2 people just liked eachother?

 

The confusion continues! She responded to my text yesterday (slowly per usual). Then decided to call her last night, but she didn't answer (as per usual). Left a VM saying I'd like to take her out this weekend or next week if she's interested. She then sends me a text back later asking when I'm free. I decided to not respond until this morning.

 

We're going out again next Friday. So she must be interested...right? Anyway, I've decided to give her the benefit of the doubt on this communication thing...for now. I think I'm going to gently bring this up on our date next Friday. Something like..."So, I've been meaning to ask...what's your preferred method of communication? Texting, Calling, Telekinesis?"

 

Women...

[RedRobin]

The confusion continues! She responded to my text yesterday (slowly per usual). Then decided to call her last night, but she didn't answer (as per usual). Left a VM saying I'd like to take her out this weekend or next week if she's interested. She then sends me a text back later asking when I'm free. I decided to not respond until this morning.

 

We're going out again next Friday. So she must be interested...right? Anyway, I've decided to give her the benefit of the doubt on this communication thing...for now. I think I'm going to gently bring this up on our date next Friday. Something like..."So, I've been meaning to ask...what's your preferred method of communication? Texting, Calling, Telekinesis?"

 

Women...

 

It's not just women who are confusing... we all have our styles and pace.

[The Blue Knight]

The Ben saga continues

[cutecatch]

Bro, stop being such a pvssy and make a move. If she reciprocates great, if not move on

[BenH1000]

Bro, stop being such a pvssy and make a move. If she reciprocates great, if not move on

 

I have bro. Initiated two make out sessions. Me thinks I'm gonna need to step my game up for the next date and take our sessions to the next level...if you read me.

[xpaperxcutx]

Okay is this girl a text-holic? How can she respond in text?

 

When someone bothers to call me and leave me a vm I have the decency to call them back. It should not be a matter of hesitation when it comes to dialling a number ( especially with smartphones) so I don't see why her form of communication is so restricted?

[BenH1000]

Okay is this girl a text-holic? How can she respond in text?

 

Wouldn't say she's a "text-aholic" -- but the fact is, I think she just doesn't like talking on the phone. But even then, I'm not really sure! Her text messaging habits are also unclear. She sometimes responds right away; other times, she'll wait a few hours to respond.

 

When someone bothers to call me and leave me a vm I have the decency to call them back. It should not be a matter of hesitation when it comes to dialling a number ( especially with smartphones) so I don't see why her form of communication is so restricted?

 

I don't either. I plan on finding out on my upcoming date.

[The Blue Knight]

Ben has gone under the radar. We may never know the outcome of the Ben saga.

[InJest]

As someone said early on. Luke warm interest. Invite her to your house and cook dinner for her. If you can't take it to the next level from there, just don't contact her again.

[Jane2011]

You should expect the girl to initiate contact sometimes.

 

Even if I'm letting a guy chase me more than I chase him, I initiate contact sometimes if I have any interest at all.

 

Usually I go with a 2 to 1 ratio. One contact for every couple times he contacts me.

 

If a girl isn't contacting you at all, yet she's seeing you, you should just stop contacting her altogether and see if she contacts you.

 

This situation happened with me not long ago. And when I contacted the guy, he admitted he hadn't contacted me because he was waiting for me to contact him. He even said (nicely) "You could initiate sometimes" (I wasn't as bad as the girl you're talking about, but I think he did initiate more often than I did; maybe the ratio with him was something like 4 to 1 or 3 to 1; in any case, he was reaching out more than I did.) It was very cute when he said he was waiting for me to contact him.

 

So I understand that guys aren't happy just with a woman saying yes to dates and answering texts. They want you to initiate sometimes. I mean, I knew this already; it's just nice being chased, so it's easy to get complacent and spoiled and just let the guy do it.

 

But women and men alike need to think in terms of fairness and being considerate. Everyone has feelings. Everyone wants to feel wanted. So make your guy or girl feel wanted, even if you are enjoying being chased.

[trueluV]

The confusion continues! She responded to my text yesterday (slowly per usual). Then decided to call her last night, but she didn't answer (as per usual). Left a VM saying I'd like to take her out this weekend or next week if she's interested. She then sends me a text back later asking when I'm free. I decided to not respond until this morning.

 

We're going out again next Friday. So she must be interested...right? Anyway, I've decided to give her the benefit of the doubt on this communication thing...for now. I think I'm going to gently bring this up on our date next Friday. Something like..."So, I've been meaning to ask...what's your preferred method of communication? Texting, Calling, Telekinesis?"

 

Women...

 

I've been reading your whole thread. you sound like a nice guy, and i'm glad you made plans to see each other next friday. it's interesting to see what's going through a guys head.

 

okay, I'm a girl, and I have been behaving almost identical to the girl you have described! i have been doing almost the same things, like him calling me, and i will "text" him back later, an hour later with the same "sorry i missed your call. what's up?". or i didn't initiate contact for the first 6-7 dates, but i would accept it even it was a last minute thing.

 

so what was i thinking??

i really really liked the guy! and i was afraid i would scare him away, or i didn't want to appear too aggressive to him. also, i wasn't sure if he was 100% into me, despite his initiating contact and asking me out.

so i guess from what i've read about this girl, i think for sure, she has very strong feelings for you, but is trying to "control" them. and maybe she is somehow shy too. in this case, why don't you be more direct and let her know how you feel about her? if you do, she would be more confident to ask you out.

 

so, what happened afterwards with me, with the guy who was like you?

we didn't talk for two months (the whole contact thing drove us crazy), and out of the blue he asked to meet me again, and i accepted, as expected.

and that day he "confessed" to me and told me he wants to be in a serious relationship with me.

since i still had feelings for him, we are now in a relationship, but the contact thing has reversed! i don't know what he is thinking, or if there is a reason he is doing this to me, but he is making me do all the initiating now!

so that is my issue now...

 

anyway, things sound good to me, so good luck!

[trueluV]

oh, i just wanted to add i had two make out sessions with my guy too, by that time, so i'm pretty sure your girl is very into you. i think she is waiting for you to be more "aggressive", and wants to feel 100% sure you are interested in her.

 

good luck!

[BenH1000]

Ben has gone under the radar. We may never know the outcome of the Ben saga.

 

I'm still here. Thanks for the continued interest :-) Date is tonight and she "sounded" really interested when I was texting her last night to confirm that we were still on for tonight.

 

I will keep the board posted as to the outcome of tonight's edition of "Ben and the Mystery Girl"

[BenH1000]

As someone said early on. Luke warm interest. Invite her to your house and cook dinner for her. If you can't take it to the next level from there, just don't contact her again.

 

She's been to my house. Made dinner for her, cuddled and made out with her on my couch. Even gave me signals that she wanted to stay, but I left her wanting more at the end of the night. Didn't seem lukewarm to me bro.

[BenH1000]

I've been reading your whole thread. you sound like a nice guy, and i'm glad you made plans to see each other next friday. it's interesting to see what's going through a guys head.

 

okay, I'm a girl, and I have been behaving almost identical to the girl you have described! i have been doing almost the same things, like him calling me, and i will "text" him back later, an hour later with the same "sorry i missed your call. what's up?". or i didn't initiate contact for the first 6-7 dates, but i would accept it even it was a last minute thing.

 

so what was i thinking??

i really really liked the guy! and i was afraid i would scare him away, or i didn't want to appear too aggressive to him. also, i wasn't sure if he was 100% into me, despite his initiating contact and asking me out.

so i guess from what i've read about this girl, i think for sure, she has very strong feelings for you, but is trying to "control" them. and maybe she is somehow shy too. in this case, why don't you be more direct and let her know how you feel about her? if you do, she would be more confident to ask you out.

 

so, what happened afterwards with me, with the guy who was like you?

we didn't talk for two months (the whole contact thing drove us crazy), and out of the blue he asked to meet me again, and i accepted, as expected.

and that day he "confessed" to me and told me he wants to be in a serious relationship with me.

since i still had feelings for him, we are now in a relationship, but the contact thing has reversed! i don't know what he is thinking, or if there is a reason he is doing this to me, but he is making me do all the initiating now!

so that is my issue now...

 

anyway, things sound good to me, so good luck!

 

You sound exactly like the girl I'm seeing. Obviously interested, but withholding initiating when it comes to communication. Your post was really informative and has given me some ideas () for tonight...

[BenH1000]

So the confusion continues...

 

Date on Friday went really well. Went out for some drinks (we were flirting a ton with each other), then went out for a nice dinner (she even asked the waiter to seat us side-by-side vs across...can only be a good sign, right?). Followed dinner up by a nice make-out session, then went out to another bar. At the bar, she asked if I wanted to go meet up with a couple friends of hers at another bar. I of course said yes, and so we went to the other bar, had another drink, and played some darts (and flirted some more). We also decided that she and her friend were going to get together the following evening for St. Patty's day with me and a buddy of mine.

 

Anyway, date ended with another nice make-out session, but once again she fails to invite me in. Since I am not the type to impose, I don't say anything and head back home for the night.

 

Next day, I call her in the afternoon to confirm our plans for the evening. She doesn't answer (per usual) and again texts me back like an hour later (per usual) saying we are still on for tonight but may meet up a bit later than originally intended. Fine, no problem. Evening starts, and about an hour into it she texts me seeing how everything is going. She tells me to let her know what bar we go to next (buddy and me were on a pub crawl). About a half an hour later, I text her back saying we're heading to another bar. Another half hour pasts, no response. So I decide to call her -- no answer. She then, you guessed it, texts me back another 20 minutes or so later. She says she's at a friend's now and will let me know when THEY go out. So now I'm going out with THEM, and she's not coming out with ME. Anyway, I text her back saying 'that sounds good'. She didn't get back to me for the rest of the night and 5 days later, I have not heard from her.

 

Needless to say, I've moved on. I am very baffled by this girl's behavior. We have an awesome date, really just an all around great time (her friends really seemed to like me by the way), and then she blows me off the next day? All I can say is...next!

[dasein]

Needless to say, I've moved on.

 

Good for you, that's awful treatment, sorry you had to go through that.

[BenH1000]

Good for you, that's awful treatment, sorry you had to go through that.

 

Yeah, but I almost expected it (which is terrible). Being able to manage expectations with regards to how women communicate and act in general has helped keep my emotions in check. I'm actually not feeling too bad (and what's there to feel bad about? If this is what this girl is like, then good ******* riddance, I say). But I'd be lying if I said it didn't still hurt a little bit.

[SJC2008]

Ben sorry but glad you moved on and good luck with the next one. I'm done with mine and I'll give you a summary as we were in similar sits. A few weeks ago (3 dates in if you don't remember) I texted her on Sat to see if she had plans the upcomming week. She did not respond like her usual self so I called her sun eve and left a vm. Tuesday rolls along nothing so I texted her telling her I'm getting to the point where I'm wondering if I should take a hint to just be honest I won't be mad (I've become more blunt with women as I've gotten older) and she texted back saying sorry and I ignored and she texted back convo 30 mins later. We chatted and agreed we'd like to see each other again. I backed off a little to let things calm down so I didn't initiate contact for 5 days when I called and got her vm, big shocker, and asked her out for the next day. She texted me back saying she was going out of town and will be back monday (didn't offer a I can do something x day). I texted her a few days later generl chit chat. I texted her the next day with solid plans for tue when she gets back and she told me she'll let me know monday when she checks her sched at her new job. Monday comes and goes and tuesday morning she texts me asking if I still wanted to go out so I responded to her and asked if it was rain on her side of town and it was so I told her to text me in a couple of hours wheter it was raining and I'd take it from there. She does and says it's still raining and I told her it calmed down on my side so lets do it and said she can park at my house and ride with me or meet there, whichever she was comfortable with. She then said she was going to do some things and not go so I nicely told her it was obvious she's not interested and good luck. I made a post about her texting me then flaking again and was told I should of offered to pick her up but she literally had me walking on eggshells as she turned down meeting at her place and going from there before. I am a firm believer in mutual interest, screw all this testing crap to see if I have a sack I say. That being said I know how to play the game now if I run into one like this again. Here is my synopsis of the entire couse of things with her. I think she is very traditional and did like me at first but I came off as insecure when I called her out about not getting back to me so she backed off for a couple of weeks and decided to give it one last shot, but buy not "taking charge" and offering to pick her up she changed her mind. Mind you I told her for date 3 I could meet her at her place lol. The only other I suspect is that it was over before I called her out but she did not want to hurt my feelings and flaked until I said f it.

Edited March 21, 2012 by SJC2008
grammar

[BenH1000]

Ben sorry but glad you moved on and good luck with the next one. I'm done with mine and I'll give you a summary as we were in similar sits. A few weeks ago (3 dates in if you don't remember) I texted her on Sat to see if she had plans the upcomming week. She did not respond like her usual self so I called her sun eve and left a vm. Tuesday rolls along nothing so I texted her telling her I'm getting to the point where I'm wondering if I should take a hint to just be honest I won't be mad (I've become more blunt with women as I've gotten older) and she texted back saying sorry and I ignored and she texted back convo 30 mins later. We chatted and agreed we'd like to see each other again. I backed off a little to let things calm down so I didn't initiate contact for 5 days when I called and got her vm, big shocker, and asked her out for the next day. She texted me back saying she was going out of town and will be back monday (didn't offer a I can do something x day). I texted her a few days later generl chit chat. I texted her the next day with solid plans for tue when she gets back and she told me she'll let me know monday when she checks her sched at her new job. Monday comes and goes and tuesday morning she texts me asking if I still wanted to go out so I responded to her and asked if it was rain on her side of town and it was so I told her to text me in a couple of hours wheter it was raining and I'd take it from there. She does and says it's still raining and I told her it calmed down on my side so lets do it and said she can park at my house and ride with me or meet there, whichever she was comfortable with. She then said she was going to do some things and not go so I nicely told her it was obvious she's not interested and good luck. I made a post about her texting me then flaking again and was told I should of offered to pick her up but she literally had me walking on eggshells as she turned down meeting at her place and going from there before. I am a firm believer in mutual interest, screw all this testing crap to see if I have a sack I say. That being said I know how to play the game now if I run into one like this again. Here is my synopsis of the entire couse of things with her. I think she is very traditional and did like me at first but I came off as insecure when I called her out about not getting back to me so she backed off for a couple of weeks and decided to give it one last shot, but buy not "taking charge" and offering to pick her up she changed her mind. Mind you I told her for date 3 I could meet her at her place lol. The only other I suspect is that it was over before I called her out but she did not want to hurt my feelings and flaked until I said f it.

 

Ouch, sorry to hear that man. Yeah, I just don't understand why yours and my girl couldn't be more straightforward. I don't know about them, but twirling someone around on a string/blowing them off is a lot more devastating emotionally than a direct "You're a great guy, but I don't think this is going to work out."

 

Even worse when, in my case, I get repeated positive signs only to be followed up by what is essentially a big "**** you." Just signals immaturity in my book.

[trueluV]

hey OP, BenH1000, can you help me out please?

I posted earlier that i was acting very similar to your girl, but when the guy told me he wants to be in a serious relationship with me, the situation reversed.

 

why do you think he's now making me do all the contacting, and initiating?

 

so last weekend, we met for dinner and had a nice time, but he was tired so we decided to meet the following day and parted right after dinner. i was going to meet my friends for dinner next day and he showed interest in joining, so i texted him in the afternoon asking if he wants to join us. no answer. i text him again a couple hours later i decided not to have dinner with them and heading home. i have not heard from him at all since then!

what's going on in his head? did he feel pressured?

this is a guy who wants to be "serious" with me, and we've already been on 20+ dates, and he's officially my boyfriend.

 

how should i make my next move? is he testing me??

i'm so confused!!!

 

thanks in advance, after reading your posts, i thought you could give me some insight.

[iris219]

It looks like this girl wasn't interested, but I don't think that always the case in a situation like yours.

 

When I read your first post, I wondered if you were dating me!

 

I am very reserved with men until I know how they feel about me. Initiating contact, asking me out, and making out with me could simply mean they want sex and nothing more. Until a man verbally expresses how he feels about me, I keep my distance.

[starla33]

Thanks for the response. Just weird that she's eagerly accepted my offers for next dates and has seemingly enjoyed our make-out sessions. She sends certain signals (flirtatious hair-flicking, laughing at things I say even when they're not THAT funny, witty back-and-forth) that also tells me she's interested. So that's why I'm hesitant to say it's "lukewarm" at best.

 

But. 6 dates ALL initiated by me (and planned, although I took the lead on planning them...but again, I set them all up, so it's only natural to then plan them as well). 5 weeks of dating and not one initiation text/call. And then, very little initiated physical contact (occasional hand on arm...that's about it, and usually that happens after I start touching her). Do you think she's just shy when it comes to this stuff?

 

I don't think this means she is not interested. I don't know if you know this but every book tells us to NOT ask guys out until we are in a committed relationship....so this girl may just be playing by the rules. A lot of girls, including me think we shouldn't ask guys out (even though I break this rule all the time). I guess what I'm always told is the man is a hunter and will come after you if he wants you.

[BenH1000]

It looks like this girl wasn't interested, but I don't think that always the case in a situation like yours.

 

When I read your first post, I wondered if you were dating me!

 

I am very reserved with men until I know how they feel about me. Initiating contact, asking me out, and making out with me could simply mean they want sex and nothing more. Until a man verbally expresses how he feels about me, I keep my distance.

 

Understandable. But I did tell her (granted, via text) that I really enjoyed our dates and look forward to future dates as well. I mean, do I really need to come out and say "I like you"? Isn't that a bit awkward?

 

Not to mention, we'd gone out on 7 dates. 7 dates and the most we did was make out. And even then, I didn't make out with her that much. So I can't honestly think that she would see me as a guy looking for sex and nothing else.

[BenH1000]

hey OP, BenH1000, can you help me out please?

I posted earlier that i was acting very similar to your girl, but when the guy told me he wants to be in a serious relationship with me, the situation reversed.

 

why do you think he's now making me do all the contacting, and initiating?

 

so last weekend, we met for dinner and had a nice time, but he was tired so we decided to meet the following day and parted right after dinner. i was going to meet my friends for dinner next day and he showed interest in joining, so i texted him in the afternoon asking if he wants to join us. no answer. i text him again a couple hours later i decided not to have dinner with them and heading home. i have not heard from him at all since then!

what's going on in his head? did he feel pressured?

this is a guy who wants to be "serious" with me, and we've already been on 20+ dates, and he's officially my boyfriend.

 

how should i make my next move? is he testing me??

i'm so confused!!!

 

thanks in advance, after reading your posts, i thought you could give me some insight.

 

Hmm. At what point did he show interest in going out and meeting your friends? The night you both had dinner together? By the sound of it, he may just need a break, but the fact is he's also sending you mixed signals.

 

I would pick up the phone and give him a call. Especially if you are both officially boyfriend/girlfriend. At this point in your relationship, there should be absolutely no issue with having a serious conversation over the phone (or better yet, in person). Best of luck, hope things work out for you two.