eleanorhurting Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 I am very insecure. I feel like I have always been. I also have a tendency to be passive-aggresive in my relationships because I hate confrontation. I do not know how to fight my insecurities anymore I feel like they are just a part of me. Has anyone else struggled with this? Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 Yes, I am very insecure, and was so from a very early age... Still not sure of the best way to deal with it, but I'm trying to figure it out. It feels like a part if me, too. Link to post Share on other sites
Cracker Jack Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 Insecurity is one the many weaknesses I've been dealing with for quite awhile. Sometimes I do my best to put my insecurities to the side when I'm trying to go into new situations, but it usually somehow finds a way to annoy me. I think the best thing to do is some soul searching to find out the source of the insecurity, and why it's been such a hurdle for us. I don't believe we need to be insecure forever. Link to post Share on other sites
Love2Love11 Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 I have also been insecure for most of my life. I get compliments from strangers and I know I am not a bad looking person, but it is hard when you're opinion is the only one that counts. In the past I have been vocal about my insecurities and have called men out if I see them staring at other women, etc... but for some reason I am with someone now where I have become very passive-aggressive like you. I've been trying to figure that out...do I care about him more?...Is it just being older (30ish)??... It is a tough thing to live with that's for sure... Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 Insecurity is basically fear that you're not good enough, and I do think it's possible to overcome that fear. I still struggle with insecurity sometimes, but I've come a long way. One thing that's helped me a lot is getting to know people who are confident and easy on themselves. I find that these people usually had pretty loving, encouraging parents -- total opposite of mine! They learned from a young age that they were cool as they were. This has made me realize that I just have to unlearn the false lessons I learned at a young age, which I'm doing, better all the time. Fake It Till You Make It can also help here. People tell me I seem so together and confident -- but I'm usually feeling at least a little shy and unsure of myself inside. There are times when I'm 100% confident and feel I can do no wrong, but they're rare. So I might have to rev myself up to be outgoing and charismatic at first, but then I can usually get in the groove and keep it going. Then later, I need time with my introverted self to recover from expending all that energy! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author eleanorhurting Posted March 6, 2012 Author Share Posted March 6, 2012 I have been trying the fake it til you make it attitude and it works most of the time. But sometimes I just don't know what to do with my baggage. I think it shows through pretty quickly. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 I have been trying the fake it til you make it attitude and it works most of the time. But sometimes I just don't know what to do with my baggage. I think it shows through pretty quickly. I find that one of the best ways to unload your baggage is to express it -- one little piece at a time -- to a person you trust. You put that ugly thing that you're embarrassed comes from you on the table, and out in the open it looks like the measly worm that it is. If it's a friend with a good sense of humor, you'll probably be laughing about it within minutes. Then the baggage takes its leave of you. I think the best people to practice exchanging this intimacy with are friends, because then you don't have to deal with all the sexual chemicals complicating things and there's less pressure. As you unload more of your baggage, let it go, and grow increasingly more comfortable with yourself, your ability to sustain healthy relationships increases dramatically. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author eleanorhurting Posted March 8, 2012 Author Share Posted March 8, 2012 i have done this so many times but maybe I just keep picking it back up? Lately I am so set in leaving my school/town to do my residency somewhere else. I know in a way it is because I feel like it would be a chance to start all over again and somehow I would feel like my baggage would be gone. But, I am probably fooling myself right? Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 The easiest thing for me to eliminate my belief (it's not a fear) of not being good enough was the Lefkoe Method. A lot faster, more effective and cheaper than cognitive behavioral therapy, too. Link to post Share on other sites
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