Boyfriend cheated in the past, forgiven but not forgotten

[solost823]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 years now. Right now things are great but he has always had an issue getting over his ex. In the beginning of our relationship he cheated on me with her several times..now when I think back i do not know why I stayed in the relationship, I guess mostly nativity and hopefulness. It happened again about a year and a half ago and possibly other times that I am not aware of..? And everytime I thought things were getting better something would again come up to show that he is still not over her. Things were very good for about a year and then the most recent thing happened a few months ago when I saw that he had several photos of her saved on his computer (and it’s a brand new computer he hasn’t had for more than a few months at the time) and also he would look at her facebook like 20 times a day..i saw in his history that he would look at her pictures over and over again…which really just creeped me out more than anything.. We took some time apart after that and I feel it really did affect him and he realized he was wrong. Now, I’m not just some hopeless girl that lets a man walk all over me and still keep taking him back. We have always been very much in love and..other than the ex girlfriend issue..he has treated me wonderfully and is a very sweet guy..if that is understandable. Its almost like she just has some weird control over him that he doesn’t know how to get past. And if I felt like they should truly be together then hey I would accept that and move on but the thing is she doesn’t want him..she is actually very mean to him and I think the only reason she still messes with him is just some weird way of her feeling better about herself because she knows she was that control over him. And I have always been understanding that they were in love and it is hard to get over heartbreak but come on..after FIVE YEARS of being with another person that has always showed him nothing but love and compassion you would think he could forget the girl that treated him like ****. but here recently after we got back together after the that latest incident, things have been amazing. We really do have a good relationship..we never fight and rarely disagree on things and I really feel like he may actually be passed it this time. But I find that I just cannot stop thinking of how badly I have been treated. I have forgiven him but farrr from forgotten anything. I just don’t know if I can stay in the relationship because it kills me. But things are so good now.. and it is so hard to end a relationship that you’ve been in for so long and have so much history. I understated it is my fault for letting things get so far and always taking him back while always knowing that it would never be okay. And waiting till things are perfect in the relationship to realize that I can’t do it anymore because the heartache of the past is just too much. And I hate bringing up the past and that being my reason for wanting to break up when he thought things were resolved.. I just wonder how can a guy that treats me soo wonderfully now have been so cruel in the past. So I guess my question is, should I just try and move on and forget about everything that happened and realize that I am now in a perfect relationship with someone who I know cares very much for me. I really don’t want to break up with him..i know its hard to understand but he really is such a great guy and I don’t want to hurt him, even though hes hurt me so much in the past. But I just don’t know if I can ever forget or move on from what happened..i think about it always. But I know that it will be hard to find another guy like him and have the kind of connection we have with someone else. And I know he will have a hard time moving on..as he obviously has a problem with that.. Obviously I am just confused and need some advice. Thank you soo much to anyone you took the time to read this I know it is just a bunch of emotional rambling and I truly appreciate any advice you have. [/sIZE][/FONT]

[The_Joker]

O wow! It might be a little more helpful if you broke up your post in a few paragraphs to make it a little easier to read

 

You know what, this is something you really need to decide for yourself. You know that he still isn't over your ex, or has a history of crawling back to her, right now you two are in a good place, but what will prevent what has happened before from happening again?

 

How long has it been since the last incident? You said it has been months? Is this a very similar feeling to what you felt getting back together last time?

 

If it were me, and things are going so well, I would hate to break it at this point, because I had taken him back in the first place, and those past issues are "resolved", you even put in your thread title, forgiven. But this would be where I draw the line, the next time would be the last time (I know this is easier said than done), I don't know if my advice would help, I am a guy who would never cheat in a relationship, but hope it gives some perspective on this case.

 

Ultimately, this is your decision, no one can really make that for you. You have chosen, in the past to take him back, I am worried that he has gotten used to that, and when he misses his gf again, will go after her, knowing you will take him back again...

[veggirl]

Oh wow. 5 years of this.

 

Now, I’m not just some hopeless girl that lets a man walk all over me and still keep taking him back.

Sorry, but yes you are. And he knows it. You have shown him time and time again that you ARE this girl.

 

We have always been very much in love and..other than the ex girlfriend issue..he has treated me wonderfully and is a very sweet guy..if that is understandable.

 

That's not understandable. If he was very much in love with you, he wouldn't actively hurt you and repeatedly cheat on you, over and over again. If he was very much in love with you, you would be enough for him.

 

How long was he with the other girl? How long were they broken up before you two got together?

 

I think you should be in counseling. You continually allow this man to cheat, to cross boundaries....why?? Why don't you walk away when he does that? The last time was the "last time"? What makes it different than the other times? If the ex has such disdain for him, why does she sleep with him?

 

Furthermore, after 5 yrs, where is this relationship going?

 

Someone who treats you "wonderfully" doesn't cheat on you. Please know that.