Adriana2012 Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 He is lying to two women and thinks that he can get away with it. I called his wife 2 months ago, and told her about the affair, but didn't tell her my name. She didn't seem to believe what I say.... The affair resumed as if nothing has happened ??? In the meantime I went on writing my blog about new our encounters... Yes, I have a blog in which I have described every single detail, since the very beginning. Neither him, not his wife knew about it. I'll need to call his wife again and tell her the additional details about the affair. It's not an easy decision, though. She needs to know that the affair never stopped. I will send her the link. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 What is your goal in doing so? Do you think you will "win" him by default after she tosses his arse out? Or do you just feel she deserves the truth about her M? Either way, I say do it. She does deserve to know. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 The funny thing about being the OW, you're never happy until you get to see the wife suffer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Adriana2012 Posted March 5, 2012 Author Share Posted March 5, 2012 What is your goal in doing so? Do you think you will "win" him by default after she tosses his arse out? Or do you just feel she deserves the truth about her M? Either way, I say do it. She does deserve to know. I doubt she will ever toss his arse out. They are 2 co-dependants, determined to stay married no matter how bad their relationship is. I wanted to make it clear for her that there's no way to prevent this affair (unless she puts him in a cage). If she wants to stay, then that's her own choice. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 You know he's lying to two women, and you are letting him get away with it (continuing the relationship). Why do you think she would be any different? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 He is lying to two women and thinks that he can get away with it. I called his wife 2 months ago, and told her about the affair, but didn't tell her my name. She didn't seem to believe what I say.... The affair resumed as if nothing has happened ??? In the meantime I went on writing my blog about new our encounters... Yes, I have a blog in which I have described every single detail, since the very beginning. Neither him, not his wife knew about it. I'll need to call his wife again and tell her the additional details about the affair. It's not an easy decision, though. She needs to know that the affair never stopped. I will send her the link. WTF. If you're going to tell, TELL HER YOUR NAME. OWN your part in the affair since you knew he was married from the get-go. You are not a victim here, at all. Are you afraid of the fallout or maybe her reaction that she'll mess in YOUR life, tell your family or friends, work place that you helped him to cheat on her? Just wondering what your true angle is in all this. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 I doubt she will ever toss his arse out. They are 2 co-dependants, determined to stay married no matter how bad their relationship is. I wanted to make it clear for her that there's no way to prevent this affair (unless she puts him in a cage). If she wants to stay, then that's her own choice. Why do you care so much about her knowing the truth? SO she can kick him out and he'll come running to you? She HAS chosen to stay.. Why does that upset you so much that you feel the need to bother her and send her some link that you've blogged about? What do you get out of this? Other than maybe her husband if she kicks him out? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Adriana2012 Posted March 5, 2012 Author Share Posted March 5, 2012 I'll never understand why an OW agrees to continue an affair after dday. Hey, can we read your blog? Some marriages can survive infidelity, and some can't. Statistics says that in those that will make it and will recover - affairs have to stop first, so that the recovery process takes place. And of course, the cheating partner has to come clean and confess everything, every single detail. If the OW/OM continues the affair after the DDay, and the cheating spouse is willing to do so, their marriage will never fully recover. Link to post Share on other sites
mercy Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 The funny thing about being the OW, you're never happy until you get to see the wife suffer. 'Tis an evil woman who finds her joy on the back of another's pain. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 Some marriages can survive infidelity, and some can't. Statistics says that in those that will make it and will recover - affairs have to stop first, so that the recovery process takes place. And of course, the cheating partner has to come clean and confess everything, every single detail. If the OW/OM continues the affair after the DDay, and the cheating spouse is willing to do so, their marriage will never fully recover. So you are going to force the issue, in effort to help their marriage fully recover? Why don't you just leave them to their misery, and find a better man? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 Some marriages can survive infidelity, and some can't. Statistics says that in those that will make it and will recover - affairs have to stop first, so that the recovery process takes place. And of course, the cheating partner has to come clean and confess everything, every single detail. If the OW/OM continues the affair after the DDay, and the cheating spouse is willing to do so, their marriage will never fully recover. Question is, why would an OW or OM want to continue the A after a Dday when the CS chose his/her spouse, decided to stay in the marriage? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 Why don't you just deal with your own behavior and shortcomings? You sound very co-dependent and manipulative, as far as I can tell. You write "the affair resumed" and "the affair never stopped" as if you aren't one of the main driving forces for those circumstances. Do you think of yourself as some kind of a puppet master pulling strings from behind the scenes with phone calls and blogs? You're in an affair with a married man by choice, so deal with it or get out. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
The Blue Knight Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 This is typical spiteful woman behavior. If I can't have him, at least I'll screw up his life as much as is humanly possible. I'm not standing up for this guy. He's an obvious sleazeball. But you're involved with the sleazeball, so where does that leave you? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 He is lying to two women and thinks that he can get away with it. Ya, but you knew he was a liar when you hooked up with a married man. Cheaters are liars by default. Is it only now that you aren't getting exactly what you want the reason why you want to tell her? Don't get me wrong, I'm all for the BS having the truth. I just think the reasons for telling are sometimes silly. I called his wife 2 months ago, and told her about the affair, but didn't tell her my name. She didn't seem to believe what I say.... Why should she? You had the guts to bed down her husband, but not the guts to tell her who you are. The affair resumed as if nothing has happened ??? In the meantime I went on writing my blog about new our encounters... Yes, I have a blog in which I have described every single detail, since the very beginning. Neither him, not his wife knew about it. I'll need to call his wife again and tell her the additional details about the affair. So let me get this straight, you outted him, and rightfully so. So unless you are simply obsessed, you are still having an affair, yes? So he is lying to two women, you being one of them, and you are still giving him what he wants?? Really? She needs to know that the affair never stopped. I will send her the link. I agree, but what is your intended outcome in all of this? You want this lying snake to leave her so you can have him all to yourself? I think you need help. Link to post Share on other sites
Angelina527 Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 I wanted to make it clear for her that there's no way to prevent this affair (unless she puts him in a cage). If she wants to stay, then that's her own choice. In other words, you want to rub it in her face and give her a nice smirk while you do so. I believe that the spouse always has the right to know and the reasons for telling really don't matter, but this? "Yeah, I'm screwing your husband and there is nothing you can do about it so deal with it." You should be ashamed of yourself. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Adriana2012 Posted March 5, 2012 Author Share Posted March 5, 2012 WTF. If you're going to tell, TELL HER YOUR NAME. OWN your part in the affair since you knew he was married from the get-go. You are not a victim here, at all. Are you afraid of the fallout or maybe her reaction that she'll mess in YOUR life, tell your family or friends, work place that you helped him to cheat on her? Just wondering what your true angle is in all this. I called her, told her that the affair resumed and told her my name. I suppose she recognized my name, since last year I co-authored a book with him. (It's not about infidelity, though.) I asked for her e-mail, and she gave me her work e-mail, just to make sure he will not intercept it. I sent her the blog link. Nobody is innocent in this story. She had had an affair of her own for the last 2-3 years. Somebody hacked into her e-mail account and started sending the love mails of her and her boyfriend around, to her husband and to her colleagues. I can only guess that the boyfriend is no longer around, after the public disclosure of their affair. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Adriana2012 Posted March 5, 2012 Author Share Posted March 5, 2012 And how do you know so much about marriage, infidelity and statistics? Are you a professional? Have you read Emily Brown? Thanks for the info. Never heard of her, but will check. I'm a "disciple" of the late Dr. Shirley Glass, author of 'NOT "Just Friends" '. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Adriana2012 Posted March 5, 2012 Author Share Posted March 5, 2012 WTF. If you're going to tell, TELL HER YOUR NAME. OWN your part in the affair since you knew he was married from the get-go. You are not a victim here, at all. Yes, I told her my name and I also left my phone number in the mail that I sent her, "just in case...". Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 I called her, told her that the affair resumed and told her my name. I suppose she recognized my name, since last year I co-authored a book with him. (It's not about infidelity, though.) I asked for her e-mail, and she gave me her work e-mail, just to make sure he will not intercept it. I sent her the blog link. Nobody is innocent in this story. She had had an affair of her own for the last 2-3 years. Somebody hacked into her e-mail account and started sending the love mails of her and her boyfriend around, to her husband and to her colleagues. I can only guess that the boyfriend is no longer around, after the public disclosure of their affair. And who are you to dictate that she deserves any kind of punishment because she was a cheater? What gives you the right to interfere and play a judge to her indiscretions? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mercy Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 I called her, told her that the affair resumed and told her my name. I suppose she recognized my name, since last year I co-authored a book with him. (It's not about infidelity, though.) I asked for her e-mail, and she gave me her work e-mail, just to make sure he will not intercept it. I sent her the blog link. Nobody is innocent in this story. She had had an affair of her own for the last 2-3 years. Somebody hacked into her e-mail account and started sending the love mails of her and her boyfriend around, to her husband and to her colleagues. I can only guess that the boyfriend is no longer around, after the public disclosure of their affair. Oh the drama of it all. Sometimes it's the only reason to get out of bed in the morning. Pity the soul that tries to get in the way of it. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 At least the wife will have all necessary info to decide what she wants to do. Adriana... be careful what you wish for. Good luck! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 More importantly, if you really feel he is co-dependent, why wouldn't you want someone healthier for yourself? Wondering the same.... The way you describe them, and their marriage, they sound like two screwed up people. When you fish in those waters, you don't catch anything good. Link to post Share on other sites
thomasb Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 'Tis an evil woman who finds her joy on the back of another's pain.[/quote A perfect example of the difference between a woman you would meet up in a dark alley with and one you would marry. Thank the Lord my wife is the forgiving kind. Through my own stupidity I could have ended up with someone of this calibre. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 I'm curious...you stated that the affair can't end unless she knows the truth and takes action. Why is that? Surely YOU can end the affair at any point...as can he. You are also sitting with the exact same choice that she is at this point...continue things on "as they are" or end them. You're putting all this expectation on HER taking some kind of action...and completely ignoring your OWN ability to implement change and end the situation. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
NXS Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 OP sounds like a bunny-boiler. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts